The Insanity of the Alcoholic Mind – Big Book Workshop – Part 4 of 8 – Joe C.

Thank you very much. insanity that tells him he can take whiskey mixed with milk on a full stomach and he'll be okay. The real problem centers in the mind, telling us we can drink rather than the body that ensures that we can't drink. You may think this is an extreme case. To us it's not far-fetched for this kind of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us. We have sometimes reflected more than Jim did upon the consequences, but there's always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning, they're inevitably followed around some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we'd ask ourselves in all earnest and sincerity how it could have happened. Let's look at the last paragraph on page 37. Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first three as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jaywalking. He gets a thrill out of skipping in front of fast-moving vehicles. I don't understand this guy at all, but I can see him out here by the side of an interstate or a busy street, standing there waiting for a bus or a big truck to come along, jumps out in front it, spins around two or three times, sees how close it can come to hitting him without actually hitting him. For some reason, he gets a thrill out of it. I don' t understand it, but I ca n see him doing it. He enjoys himself for a few years in spite of friendly warnings. People are saying, hey Jack, you better quit that or you're going to get hurt. He pays no attention to them. Up to this point, you would label him as a foolish chap having queer ideas of fun. Luck then deserts him and he's slightly injured several times in succession. He's getting a little older now. He can't move as fast. They begin to hit him once in a while. Nothing serious. He just kind of bounces off of them. You would expect him, if he were normal, to cut it out. But presently he's hit again, this time as a fractured skull. He got hurt bad this time. Well, in a week after leaving the hospital, a fast-moving trolley car breaks his arm. He gets hurt bad again. Now, he sings our national anthem. He says, I'll never jaywalk again as long as I live. He tells you he decided to stop jaywalker for good. But in a few weeks, he breaks both legs. On through the years, his conduct continues accompanied by his continual promises to be careful or to keep off the streets altogether. Finally, he can no longer work. He's just beat up physically now. He can't hold a job. His wife gets a divorce. She's tired of supporting him and the hospital bills and the kids, and he's held up to ridicule. He tries every known means to get the jaywalking idea out of his head. He shuts himself up in a treatment center hoping to mend his ways. But today he comes out, he races in front of a fire engine which breaks his back. Such a man would be crazy, wouldn't he? And you may think our illustration is too ridiculous. That is, if we who have been through the ringer have to admit, if we substituted alcoholism for jaywalking, the illustration would fit us exactly. However intelligent we may have been in other respects, where alcoholism was strangely insane. Strong language, but isn't it true? Now this was written in 1937, 38, and 39. I think it's probably more appropriate today than it was then. You know, today because of education, Many, many people are getting to AA before they have to lose everything. Quite often you see somebody come in AA that's still married. Occasionally somebody comes in here still got a job. Well, I saw a guy come in last month and he still owned an automobile. He really did. And we start talking about the insanity of them. And they say, Amanda, I'm not crazy. I've still got my marriage. I haven't lost anything from drinking. And they tend to think that they're different. We call them high-bottom drunks. Now, the low-bOTTOM drunk usually can see the need for the power greater than themselves easier than a high-BOTTOM because a low-Bottom has lost everything. But a high bottom drunk will get drunk just exactly like the low bottom drunk gets drunk by believing something that isn't true. We're going to look at one more example. A high- bottom drunk, a fellow named Fred. And we're going find out that Fred got drunk just like Jim did. He believed a lie and took some action on it. Let's go over to the next page, the second paragraph. The other night we were in a meeting. We went to a meeting over here Wednesday night, I guess it was. And they asked if there was any new people there. And there was a new lady there, but she didn't raise her hand. And then afterwards, later on in the meeting toward the end, she raised her hand and she'd heard everyone talk. And she said to us at that meeting, she said, I didn't know whether I was an alcoholic or not and still don't know because I didn't do the things that you guys had done. They talked about divorces and car wrecks and this and that, some of them mass murder, you know how sometimes we get. And she said all I do is drink some wine. She was a winette. But she never had any of those things happen to her and she thought she had to have all those things happen to here in order to be an alcoholic, but she doesn't. See, she's just as alcoholic as anybody else and same with Fred. Let's look at Fred and see what kind of guy he was. He said, Fred is a partner in a well-known accounting firm. His income is good. He has a fine home. He's happily married to father of promising children of college age. He has so attractive personality that he makes friends with everyone. If ever there was a successful businessman, it's Fred. To all appearance, he's a stable, well-balanced individual. Yet he's alcoholic. We first saw Fred about a year ago in a hospital where he'd gone to recover from a bad case of the jitters. He had his first experience of this kind and he was much ashamed of it. Far from admitting he was an alcoholic, he told himself he came to the hospital to rest his nerves. We see lots of nerve wrestlers in AA today, just like Fred. The doctor intervened strongly that he might be worse than he realized. For a few days, he was depressed about his condition. Now, he made up his mind to quit drinking altogether. It never occurred to him that perhaps he could not do so in spite of his character and standing. Fred would not believe himself an alcoholic. He would not take step one. Much less accept the spiritual remedy for his problem. If you can't take one, you can' t take two. Now we told him what we knew about alcoholism. They told him about step one and two. And he was interested to see the end of some of the symptoms. But he was a long way from admitting he could do nothing about himself. He was positive that humiliating experience plus the knowledge he had acquired would keep him sober the rest of his life. Self-knowledge would fix it. Now we heard no more of Fred for a while. One day we were told that he was back in the hospital. This time he was quite shaky. He soon indicated he was anxious to see us. The story he told was his most instructive for here was a chap absolutely convinced he had to stop drinking who had no excuse for drinking who exhibited splendid judgment and determination on all his other concerns yet was flat on his back nevertheless. Well, let him tell you about it. He said, I was much impressed with what you fellows said about alcoholism and I frankly did not believe it would be possible for me to drink again and I rather appreciate your ideas about that subtle insanity which precedes the first drink but I was confident it could not happen to me after what I'd learned. I reasoned I was not so far advanced as most of you fellows, that I'd been usually successful in licking my other personal problems and that I would therefore be successful where you men failed. Just a little bit alcoholic, you see. I felt I had every right to be self-confident that it would be only a matter of exercising my willpower and keeping on guard. Now in that frame of mind I went about my business and by the time all was well. I had no trouble refusing drinks and I began to wonder if I'd not been making too hard a work with a central man. But his mind began to play with him right here. One day I went to Washington to present some accounting evidence to a government bureau. I'd been out of town before during this particular dry spell, so there was nothing new about that. Physically, I felt fine. Neither did I have any pressing problems or worry. My business came off well. I was pleased and knew my partners would be too. It was the end of a perfect day. Not a cloud on the horizon. Old Fred was doing well, wasn't he? Things were real good in his life that day. Floating along had a perfect date. He said, I went to my hotel and leisurely dressed for dinner. As I crossed the threshold of the dining room, a thought came to mind. It would be nice to have a couple of cocktails and go back to the hospital. Now that's the truth, isn't it? You can't rank on the truth. But you can't drink on the true. So his mind simply said it would be nicer to have a couple cocktails with dinner. That was all. Nothing more. Now, this is absolute insanity for this alcoholic. Now, based on the insanity, he makes a decision and takes some action. I ordered a cocktail at my meal. Then I ordered another cocktail. We've got it inside ourselves now. The physical allergy takes over. When I returned to the hotel, it struck me a highball would be fine before going to bed, so I stepped into the bar and had one. I remember having several more that night and plenty next morning. I have a shadowy recollection of being in an airplane bound for New York and finding a friendly taxi cab driver at the landing field instead of my wife. The driver escorted me about for several days. I know little of where I went or what I said and did. Then came the hospital with unbearable mental and physical suffering. As soon as I regained my ability to think, I went carefully over that evening in Washington. Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first rank. This time, I have not felt any consequences at all. I commenced to drink as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale. You know, Jim, he vaguely sensed that he wasn't many too smart. Fred didn't even sense that. Fred just thought a couple of cocktails with dinner would be great. That's all. And he took a couple cocktails, triggered the allergy, couldn't stop drinking and ends up drunk all over again. Now, is his real problem the fact that he has a physical allergy to alcohol? Well, he has it in form of insanity. That he has an obsession. He has an illusion. He deluded himself into thinking that a couple of cocktails with dinner would be great. And based on that, he takes a drink and he ends up drunk. So his real problem centers in his mind rather than his body. Now he's told us over and over again. He's told this about the man at 30. He's sold us about Jim. He's stole us about the jaywalker. He's stolen us about Fred. Now he's going to tell us one more time, and this is the way you get something true to an alcoholic. You repeat it over and over, and eventually we hear it. Page 43, last paragraph. See, Bill tried to stay sober on self-knowledge, and Roland tried to say sober on self- knowledge, and Jim tried to state sober on self-Knowledge, and Fred was going to stay sober on self knowledge. And after all these illustrations he says once more. He told us through all these illustration that he's gonna tell us Once more, the alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must, there's that word again, his defense must come from a higher power. And you can't heal a sick mind with a sick mine. You can't think your way out of it. The more you try to think your ways out of this, the deeper into it you get. because we just can't heal a sick mind with a sick mind. Our defense must come from a higher power. Through this chapter now, he's closed the door on me. There's no longer any doubt in my mind that if I don't find that power greater than human power because of my insanity, then sooner or later I'm going to return back to drinking again. And he did it in a perfect way by using examples and every one of us can see ourselves through at least one of those examples. In my case, nearly all of them. I don't believe I ever got into jaywalking, but all the other stuff I certainly did. So He's closed the door on me now. He's let me see exactly what's going to happen to me if I don' t have that spiritual experience or that spiritual awakening. Let's have some lunch and we'll pick up again at about 1.15, okay? Everybody going to get sleepy this afternoon? Yeah, we will too. Joe and I have kind of learned to sleep with our eyes open. He talks a while while I sleep, and then I talk a while while he sleeps, and every once in a while we both sleep at the same time. We finished up this morning with a chapter more about alcoholism. We talked about the insanity that precedes the taking of the first drink, and I'm still amazed today how many The people in AA think that all the crazy, stupid things we did while drunk is the insanity. And of course, we said that it really wasn't. That's caused by alcohol itself. The insanity is simply the inability to see the truth about alcohol. And just before we take the first drink, we can't see the true truth about it. We believe a lie. We take the drink and that triggers the allergy and we end up drunk. I can see Bill again as he finishes up with chapter 3, reviewing what he's done up to this point. Probably saying to himself, I was able to show them the problem in the doctor's opinion. Able to give them an example of the problem in my story, Bill's story. Was able to tell them the solution in chapter 2. And I was also able to say to him I was always able to share with them what's going to happen to them in chapter 3 if they don't find that solution. and as we said at the closing up of the last session he's closed the door on us now he's left no doubt in our mind that if we don't find that power greater than human power we're going to end up going back drinking again becoming insane and drinking and maybe die from alcoholism and if you're an alcoholic of my type which most of you are I'm sure and ifyou were raised in the church setting that I was raised in at the end of chapter 3, you're faced with a real dilemma. Because you see, I was raised in a good old Southern Baptist church. Now please don't get me wrong. The good old Northern Baptist church is a good church. It was a good Church when I was a kid. It's a good Churche today. But it seems to me as though when I went to the good old Southern Baptist Church as a young kid growing up, that I never heard anything good about God. I'm sure they talked about God and talk about good things, but that message never got to the pew that I sat in. Because I remember so clearly the only thing that I can remember hearing about God in church is hell firing brimstone. Going to hell for lying and cheating and stealing and drinking whiskey and committing adultery. By the time I got to AA, I'd been doing that for about 26 years. And I knew that God had already told St. Peter when that little four-eyed sucker gets up here sending him downstairs, we'll not need his kind. Now, I remember so clearly when I separated from God and separated from the church. When I was a kid going to church there, they told me the things I could do and what I couldn't do. And they said, if you do this and this, you're going to be okay. If you do that, that, and that, you are going to hell just as sure as anything. And I didn't have any trouble with any of that until I got to be about 12 or 13 years old. and one day the minister looked me straight in the eye and he said to think about doing it is just as bad as doing it and I thought if I'm going to go to hell for thinking about doing this then I might as well just go ahead and do it and I did it and I didn't go to Hell immediately and I said to myself that sucker's been lying to me all along and I made up my mind that day that that preacher and my parents and my teachers in school had joined together in a conspiracy to keep me from having any fun. And I said to hell with them. From now on, I'm going to do what I want to whenever I want to and if they don't like it, that's just tough. And I walked away from God. I walked way from the church. I walked from parental discipline, teacher discipline or anything else and started doing things my way. I was about 13 years old when that happened to me. Now, when I get to AA, I am 40 years old and I find out I am going to have to come to some kind of terms with this God thing. And it would seem to be almost an impossibility for people like me to do that. Thank God Bill Wilson's a real alcoholic because he knew just exactly how I was going to feel when I got here. He knew my thoughts regarding this God thing and he knew that I was going to have the same kind of difficulty with this guy. This God thing that he had himself. So I think he says to himself, maybe I better give them some more information or some new information where they'll be able to make a decision about this god thing because in just a little bit we're going to have to decide between steps one and step two and he sat down and he wrote another chapter called we agnostics and i think it's one of the greatest pieces of spiritual information i've ever read in my life i was amazed when i read it to begin to realize that it doesn't try to tell me that there's any particular kind of god it doesn'T try to prove to me that there'S any kind of God, what it does is it gives me some new ideas about God so I can discard some of my old ideas about God and be able to make the decision that I'm going to be called upon to make in the chapter following this one. Without chapter 4, I never would have been able to make that decision. He called it We Agnostics. Let's look at it for a few minutes, Joe. I love the chapter We Agnostic because Gnostic means knowledge. Put the ag in front of it, it says without. Those of us who are without knowledge or at least the knowledge I had was that of a six or seven-year-old boy because I put God out of my life and out of my mind and lived that way for many, many years. Bill knew that we were going to feel about this spiritual solution the same way he did. He said, remember when he said that they talked to God who was personal to me? I had my mind snapped shut against such theories. He knew that us too were going to have those same kind of ideas, some of us. So he wrote this chapter, We Agnostic for People Like Us. Later on in the book it says that when the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically the spiritual malady overcome we straightened out mentally and physically and dr yung said that ideas emotions and attitudes which were the guiding force of eliza these people are suddenly cast to one side and a whole new set of motives begin to dominate them so i got to look at my old ideas emotions and attitudes about god in this chapter we agnostic and i'm like charlie this is the greatest piece of spiritual information that i've ever read and it's not here to tell me that there's a particular type of god or particular type of religion or anything else it's simply put in this place so that i may read it and question it and wonder about it so open up my mind to a point that god might prove to me that there's another god because it says later on that the consciousness of my belief is sure to come to me as a result of this chapter we agnostics he knew he was going to get ready to make a decision too step three is coming up and he had to give me some new information about God so I never could have made the decision based upon the knowledge that I had at six or seven years old which is all that I have I rejected it then I rejected it later on and I reject it today I have to have some new ideas because of old ideas that I've had were not working it said in the preceding on page 44 in the preceding chapters you've learned something of alcoholism we hope we've made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic if when you honestly want to you find you cannot quit entirely that's because of the obsession or when drinking you have little control of the amount you take that's due to the allergy you are probably an alcoholic if that be the case you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer alcoholism is a very special illness it's a spiritual illness straightened out with a spiritual experience. And we can come out of this illness in better shape than what we were when we went into it, thank God, because of the spiritual experience." I love the simplicity of the big book Alcoholics Anonymous. Two little questions to determine if you're alcoholic or not. I use them all the time. People come to me today and they say, Charlie, you think I might be alcoholic? And I say, I don't know. Let me ask you a couple of questions. Have you been able to quit drinking entirely, left on your own resources? If they're real alcoholic, they've got to say no. And I say, do you have any control over the amount you take when you want to start drinking? If they are real alcoholic they've gotta say no, then I say well you're probably an alcoholic. What could be more simple than that? But you see how people like to change things. They took these two little simple questions out of the big book and the fellowship expanded them to ten questions to see if you're alcoholic. Next thing you know they expanded the ten questions into twenty to see whether you're an alcoholic Hell, I think we're up to 44 today. We only need these two. We only eat these two." Joe and I had an old friend who lived down in Texas. His name was Wino Joe. I've always felt sorry for anybody in AA that didn't get to meet Wino Jo. He was a real character. He made up his own list of questions to ask yourself to see if you're alcoholic. And the first question on his list was, Has the roof of your mouth ever been sunburned? Joe was a real wino, and he spent lots of time laying out in the field with his mouth wide open. Out in those cotton fields. Another question he asked that I loved, he said, Have you ever been arrested for drunk driving from the back seat of somebody else's car? And the third one that I liked was, Have you every been arrested public drunk while in jail or something? Wino had to hold this. We just need two. We just needs two. You know, we are very, very unique people. Very few people in the world suffer an illness which is a two-fold illness that can only be overcome by a spiritual experience. We number amongst a few people and have a terminal illness that we can come out of it in better shape than we went into it if we can have that spiritual experience The book says to one who feels he's an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible and that's exactly where I was when I got here. But to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he's an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face, but it isn't so difficult. About half our original fellowship were of exactly that type. At first some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against hope we were not true alcoholics. But after a while, we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life or else. Perhaps it's going to be that way with you. Mature up. Something like half of us thought we were atheists or agnostics, and our experience shows that you need not be disconcerted. Now think of what Bill is saying to us here in these last two paragraphs. It really doesn't make any difference what you think or what you believe or how you feel about this God thing when you come to AA. But you're still going to be able to have the spiritual experience, the spiritual awakening. You're still gonna be able learn how to live on a spiritual basis. He said if a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. Now we alcoholics aren't drunken bums. Drunken bungs are where they want to be. They're not too interested in changing the situation. We alcoholics will be there with the drunken bum, but we don't want to do that. We've got a conscience. We have a philosophy of life. We have the set of morals. We can't live up to those because of our alcoholism. But if those morals and those philosophies could have saved us, many of us would have recovered from alcoholism a long time ago. The book says that we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us. No matter how much we tried, we could wish to be moral. We could wish for a better world. We could be philosophically comforted. In fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient. They failed utterly. Lack of power, that was our dilemma and how true that is. Now, if you and I could have found the power in any other way to overcome our alcoholism, well, we wouldn't be members of AA today. You know, this is a court of last resort. We came to AA because we had no place else to go. We didn't come to AA because we wanted to. I've never seen an alcoholic yet that took a drink at age 14, jumped up and down, shouted with joy, said I can hardly wait to be a member of AA when I'm 36 years old. No. If we could have found the power in any other way, we wouldn't be members of AA today. We had to find the power by which we could live. And it had to be a power greater than ourselves, obviously. But where and how where we define this power. Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find the power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. It does not say which will enable you to solve your problems. It says which will save your problem and we find interestingly enough from page 45 on we're through talking about alcohol. From page 45 on we talk about one thing and one thing only. For those of us who are powerless, and that's all of us or we wouldn't be here, how do you find the power? And if we can find the Power, then the Power will solve the problem. So if we're going to find the PowerPoint, if we find the POWER, we're gonna have to start somewhere. And let's see if we an see the beginning or the starting of the finding of the POWer. Let's go over to page 46. Last paragraph. You know, if you think your willpower is what's gonna solve it, We know that now, that the willpower is not going to do it because the obsession of the mind is stronger than our willpower. Well, we've got to find something stronger than our obsession ofthe mind, which is that who made it, which is a spiritual experience that's stronger than the obsessionofthe mind. That's the only thing that will conquer this problem. On page 46, it said, Yes, we have agnostic temperament and have had these thoughts and experiences. Let us make haste to reassure you. We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice, which is old ideas, and express even a willingness to believe in the power greater than ourselves, we commence to get results. Even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that power, which is God. Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and effect of contact with Him. Okay, here's the first old idea to cast aside. When I was raised as a kid in church, I was taught that you have to believe that the way they believe or you're going to go to hell just as sure as anything. And I figured since I didn't believe that way, there was no chance of me having a spiritual experience or spiritual awakening. The book tells me that's not necessarily true, that I can have my own conception of God. So the first old idea is cast aside, replaced with a new idea. I can Have My Own Conception of God and I don't have to be concerned anymore about what they said about God, who He is, what He is or where He is. First old idea cast aside replaced with a new idea. My old first sponsor, George, a little black fellow who's dead now. He just died about six or eight weeks ago. Yeah, he was a tremendous fellow. But anyhow, George saw that I was having a real trouble with this idea about God. And he said, Joe, you're having real trouble with this, aren't you? And I said, I'm just having all kinds of trouble with it. I don't know what to do. He said, well, I'll tell you what he did and maybe it would help me, he said. He said go home tonight and get your pencil and piece of paper out and realize that you can't make God. But if you could, what would you want God to be? I didn't know you could do that. You'd go to hell down there at Southern Baptist Church for done. In a hurry. In a rush. They found out about it. So I went home that night and I got me a pencil and piece of paper and I wrote down some things that I wanted God. Just me laying aside all that other stuff that I thought I knew. If I could make God, I wanted him to be this. I wrote it down. And I showed it to George. I thought he would probably laugh at me, but he didn't. He said, well, that's good. You can start right there. Well, I needed permission. I needed a starting place, and he gave me permission to start right there, and I needed that permission. So I started right there with a very simple little idea. And our book goes on to say, as soon as we admitted the possible existence of a career of intelligence, a spirit of the universe underlying the totality of things, we began to be possessed of a new sense of power and direction, provided we took other simple steps. We found that God does not make too hard of terms for those who seek him. To us, the realm of the Spirit is broad and roomy, all-inclusive, never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It's open, we believe, to all men. And I said, George, you mean I have to find God? George said, well, George God's not lost. Our book says here that we found that God does make too heart of terms to those who seek Him. And it is never exclusive nor forbidding to those who earnestly seek Him. It's not in the finding anyhow. It's in the seeking. If I will seek God in my life, He will disclose Himself to me. It's en the seeking, it's not en the finding. Another old idea cast aside. I was taught that the road to God is a very straight, very narrow path. If you fall off either side of it, you're going to hell just as sure as anything. The book says we found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him To the depths of the realm of the Spirit is broad, roomy, all-inclusive, never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men. So another old idea cast aside that maybe this road that I'm going to travel to finding God is not as straight and not as narrow and notas rigid as I was taught that it was. Also, it is open to all women, period. Not just those who believe as they believe, but to all them, period, and women. so an old idea cast aside a new idea takes its place speech 47 therefore we speak to you of God we mean your own conception of God this applies too to other spiritual expressions which you find in this book do not let any prejudice remember prejudice is old ideas do not letting the old ideas you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you all I have to do is ask myself what these things these spiritual expressions I hear in this books what do they mean to me just me And at the start, this was all that we needed to commence growth to effect our first conscious relationship with God as we understood him. And then afterwards, we found ourselves accepting many things which then seemed entirely out of reach. But that was growth. If you wish to grow, sometimes it was growth, is it right? But if we wished to grow we had to begin somewhere. So we used our own conception however limited it was. Now, we needed to ask ourselves but one short question. Do I now believe? The agnostic has always believed in some kind of God. The agnostic just didn't turn to God to seek God's help. But we've always, as an agnostic, believed in something. We've always believed that there is some kind of God or am I even willing to believe? The atheist who says there is no God, all they have to do is be willing to belief that there is a God, that there's a power greater than myself. And as soon as a man can say that he does believe, Agnostic. Always willing to believe. Atheist. We in fact assure him that he's on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built. Again, the asterisk, please be sure to read Appendix 2 on spiritual experience. If we can't find a power greater than ourselves, at least find one other than ourselves. You know, here the aesterisk is tying together the wonderfully effective spiritual structure with the spiritual experience, And that's what we're building as we progress through the steps. This wonderfully effective spiritual structure will eventually end up as a spiritual experience or the spiritual awakening, and we're going to be building this structure as we process through the program. Way back in Bill's story, he said willingness was the foundation of that structure, and that's step one. Step two, believing, we're gonna see is a cornerstone of that strucutre, and that' s gonna be step two. And then later on, we' re gonna put some more stones in place, Eventually, we're going to build that spiritual structure. We're going pass through it to freedom and we're going to recover from alcoholism. So he's really beginning to paint now a picture in our mind as we go through this thing of the structure that we're gonna build and the wonderfully effective spiritual structure is the spiritual experience. Now, he said that was great news for us, for we'd assume we could not make use of spiritual principles unless we accepted many things on faith which seemed difficult to believe. Now here, Bill separates the words belief and faith. And one problem I always had as a kid growing up in church, the minister always said, son, all you've got to do is have faith and everything will be alright. Well, faith implies surety. Faith implies knowledge. Faith is after-the-fact information. I had no faith that God would do me what I couldn't do for myself because I'd never really tried to get God to do that. So how would I know that He would? The best thing I can do is to start with belief. Belief is up front information. Belief can be nothing more than just suspicion. Let me give you a good example in our everyday lives. Let's say I moved into this Torrance, California area. And a month or two after I get here I've got a problem with my automobile. Now I don't know a good mechanic anywhere in this area. But you've been here for years and I assume you'll know somebody. So I come to you and I say look I've Got a problem with my car. I need a good mechanical can you recommend anybody? And you say, well sure. Take it over there to Jack's place. He'll do you a reasonable price or he'll do a good job and he'll charge you a unreasonable price. Well I don't know whether that's true or not. The best I can possibly do with that information is if I believe it's strong enough I'll take my automobile over to Jack sure enough he does a good job, charges me a reasonable price. When I leave there I know that he will do that. When I went there, I believed he would do that. Now six months from now, I have trouble with my automobile again. I don't ask you or anybody else where to take it. I take it right back to Jack. Only this time, I took it on faith. And we can't start with faith. The best we can possibly do is to start with belief. And all we have to do to start this building of this wonderfully effective spiritual structure is say to ourselves, Do I now believe? I've always believed in some kind of God. or am I even willing to believe that there is a power greater than myself? And the book says if we can answer that question, then we're already on the way simply by believing. You know, one time, a long time ago, my first wife, I was trying to get back home and she was pretty good-handed about going to church and I went to church with her for a little while and went in and had a little visitation with the preacher. Thought I'd show up there and try to get a little, you know, a few points. And so I went and talked to this preacher, and he asked me, he said, well, Joe, what seems to be your problem? Well, I don't know what the problem is, so I tell him what I think it is, and it's her. Really, if you live with her, you drink too, I said. Well, he gave me a solution, and they'll do that, you know. And he said you must, and boy, he emphasized that word, you must have faith in these things. And he told me what they were. And I just looked at him and looked at Him, and I couldn't do that. Because how can you have faith in something that you don't even believe. Thank God, and hey, we can come to believe. It didn't say we'd come to have faith in the beginning. It said we could come to belief. And that's what I had to do was come to believed. And then later on today, I have faith. But that was to be a while before I got to that. Let's go to page 51 now. If I know I need the power, which I do. I've already admitted I'm powerless. If I Know the Beginning of the Finding of the Power is just to believe or even be willing to believe, that's the starting point. The next thing I need to know is what procedures am I going to follow in order to be able to find that power. Let's go to page 51, first paragraph. He said, This world of ours has made more material progress in the last century than all the millenniums went before. Almost everyone knows the reasons. Students of ancient history tell us that the intellect of men in those days was equal to the best of today. Yet in ancient times, material progress was painfully slow. The spirit of modern scientific inquiry, research, and invention was almost unknown. In the realm of the material, men's minds were fed by superstition, perdition, and all sorts of fixed ideas. And I used to wonder, how is it that we have cell phones and cars and televisions and all the modern appliances that we had? Why didn't they have that 200 years ago or 500 years ago? Are we just smarter than they are? Well, he said that the intellect of men in those days was equal to the best of today. Intellect meaning the capacity to learn. They had the same capacity to learning as we did. But you see, the problem with them was that they were fed by superstition, tradition, and all sorts of fixed ideas. That's why we need an open mind so that we can move on in this idea of the spiritual. You know, there's superstition and tradition and all kinds of things. There's all sorts or fixed ideas, even right here in our country some 225 years ago. people went to the northeast corner of our country and they came over there for religious freedom. In other words, you were supposed to be able to practice your religion in any way that you possibly wanted to. But if you would practice your religious somewhat like they did, you were okay. But if had any ideas that were different than some of the people in the group conscious of that area, sometimes when you expressed them, they would burn you to safe for being a witch. So if you had any idea that was different than the group conscience of that area, you kept them to yourself, didn't you? So we had a lot of superstition and tradition and all sorts of fixed ideas even then. But I think we've grown considerably over these last 225 years. But even today, I need an open mind today more than I've ever needed an open mine because I can get hung up with superstition and tradition and all kinds of superstitions and all sort of fixed values today if I would. And I'd put my guys, I understand them in a little box and say he's not any more than this. You see, God's bigger for me is bigger than me and bigger of all of us. So I just kind of keep an open mind in that area all the time. In the realm of the material, men's minds were fed by superstition, tradition, and all sorts of fixed ideas. Some of the contemporaries of Columbus thought a round earth was preposterous. Now, I think Columbus is one of the greatest examples of what you can do just based on belief, not on faith, not on knowledge, but just on belief. And as we go back and look at what occurred with Columbus, you've got to believe that Columbus had to be alcoholic. Absolutely had to do it. Because you've gotta be tough, you've Gotta Be Stubborn to stand there and express a belief which is entirely different from the rest of the world. All the rest of the earth thought the earth was flat. And Columbus was tough enough and strong enough to stand up and say, I don't believe she's flat, I believe it's round. Another reason we think Columbus was probably alcoholic is when he left, he didn't know where he was going. and when he got there he didn't know where he was and when he got back he didn' t even know where he had been what really made him an alcoholic is a woman financed the whole trip for him you're the alcoholic she did that twice by being willing to believe different Columbus changed everybody on earth some 500 years ago a little more than that most of what they thought was a civilized world was centered around the shores of the Mediterranean Sea, maybe the western shores of Europe. And they were fettered by trying to discover anything new by superstition. And they had found a place called the East Indies. And the only way you could get to the East Endies was to sail to the northeast end of the Meditranian, then go by land, camelback, footback, horseback, however they traveled, took literally years to make that trip. And they were trying to find a new trade route to the East Indies so they could get there, get that stuff and get it back faster. And somebody said, well, is there any way that we could sail a ship to the West Indies? And they said, Well, no, dummy. Don't you know the only way you can do it is sail the ship to north-east of the Mediterranean and then go by land. And somebody asked, Well what would happen if we sailed the other way? And they replied, Well dummy, don't you understand that the world is flat and if you sail out there you're going to sail right off the edge of this sucker. Now I don't know why they believe that but I guess that somebody went out there sailed that way and didn't come back and they assumed that they had sailed off the end of it. But here comes Columbus and Columbus was big enough to believe differently and he changed the whole maps of the whole world he changed the history of humankind simply because he was able to believe differently. you know columbus followed a little procedure little formula and you'll write down these key words because they're that the world has always known that if you're going to change anything there is a certain procedure you have to follow and the first thing you got to do to change anything is to be willing to do so circumstances are what makes people willing to change trying to find the new trade route to the East Indies made Columbus willing to change his belief. The second thing you have to do is you've got to be willing to change that belief. And Columbus said, I believe that the world is round. I don't believe it's flat. He made one of the most drunk statements anybody's ever made. He said, I believe you can get east by sailing west. If that isn't drunk thinking, I don' t know what is. But his belief didn't do him any good because he's still standing on the shore of the ocean when he expressed a belief. Some days, weeks, months, years later, Columbus made a decision. He said, by golly, I'm going to go find out whether this thing is round or flat, whether you can really get east by sailing west. But his decision didn't do him any good either because he's still standing on the Shore of the Ocean today and he expressed that decision. Some days', weeks', months', years later Columbus began to take some action in order to carry out that decision He went to the king of Portugal and tried to get the king to finance the trip. And the king, being a very astute businessman, said, Columbus, there's no way I'm going to let you have this money. You'll sail right out there and sail off the edge of this sucker and I'll lose it all. That's why he ended up with the queen of Spain. Sweet talked her out of the money on the promises that he would bring back gold, silk, and spices. He took the money. He bought three ships. He put provisions in those three ships He put crew members in those three ships, and they began to go east by sailing west. Day after day after day efter day, sailing straight west. Now we don't know for sure, but we're suspicious that probably on that first trip he hired a special sailor, put him on the bow of the lead ship at night with a lantern, and he said, I believe this thing is round, but if you see the edge of this damn thing, you holler it's only going to turn around. Now, after having taken that action, he got results. You always get results from actions. And the result was he found land on the other side. Now, we know he thought it was East Indies. It wasn't. It's the West Indies, but he had proven himself that the world is not flat. It is round. You won't sail off the edge of it. He turned around and came right back to Europe, went right back to the Queen of Spades and she said, Columbus, where's the gold, silk, and spices you promised you would bring me? And he said, sweetheart, I didn't find any. But he said I'll tell you what. If you refinance me, I'll go back. And this time I'll find them. And she gave him some more money and he got some more ships. He got some new ships. He got more crew members. He got Some more provisions. And they began to go east by sailing west with one big difference. This second trip he didn't hire the special sailor. Put him on a bow of the lead ship at night with a lantern because he went back in faith. He knew now that the world was round. And you can't go start out with faith. You can only start out with belief. Now, what I'd like to say to you today is the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are brand new. The world's never seen anything like them before. But if I did, I'd tell you a lie because they're based on the same procedure that Columbus and every other human being has ever used to change anything in order to change their life or whatever it is they're wanting to change. In order for you and I to recover from alcoholism, the first thing we have to do is to be willing to change That comes through step one. When we're hurt enough, when we can see that what we're trying to do is no longer going to work, when we could admit we're absolutely powerless over alcohol, then we become willing to charge. Until we can make that admission, we keep trying to try to do it ourselves. We become willing to change in step one. Step two is we believe we can do so. We came to believe that a power greater than ourself could restore us to sanity. Step three is a decision to go after that power, and we're going to find, oh, the same as Columbus did, the decision's not going to do any good unless we take the action necessary to carry it out. Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, and eleven, and in step twelve we get results. having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. You see, I no longer believe that God will restore me to sanity. I know that He will because He's done so. Now those of us that have had the spiritual awakening that's been restored to sanity, we can go back and we can help the next newcomer come to believe. And then they can make a decision. We can help them take the action in the steps. They'll have a spiritual awakening and they can go help the next one come to belief. There's only one thing we can't do for the newcomer. We can't make them willing. That's a job that they have to do on their own. Now, how does an alcoholic become willing to change? Very simple. Drinking whiskey. A lot of it. And when you drink enough of it, then you become willingto change. I had a guy not long ago tell me, he said, I've been in AA four years, been working on Step 1 in AA for four years. And I said, No, you haven't. I said you don't work on Step One in AA. You work on step one out there drinking that whiskey. And when you drink enough of it, then you're ready for step one. Then you're willing to change. And we can help them come to believe. We can help the Mac and they'll have a spiritual experience just like Columbus changed the whole world based on the same formula. A very simple little deal that starts with belief. If I know I need the power, if I know the beginning of the finding of power is to believe or even be willing to believe, If I know the procedure to follow to find the power, I've just got to know one more thing now, and that is where am I going to find that power? And I think we get here at AA just as confused about where God is as we were ever confused about what God was. You know, I've got a picture in my mind as a kid growing up in church. I don't know whether I saw it or dreamed it, but to me, God was a tall elderly gentleman standing on a cloud up in the sky Long flowing white robes. Long flowing white hair. Golden halo around his head. Sun rays shooting out of that halo and a big stick in his right hand. I don't know whether I saw it or I dreamed it, but I think one of the reasons I thought God was up there is because I noticed every time the minister wanted to talk to God and talked about God, he always pointed up there all the time. But then I noticed when he really wanted to talk to god sincerely, Clearly, he always looked down here. He pointed up, hell, no wonder we get confused about God when we're kids in church. And I looked and I looked and I never could find God. And the reason I never could find god is I didn't know where god dwells. It's only when I came to page 55 in the big book Alcoholics Anonymous that I began to realize where god really does dwell. A few years ago, several years ago I was working to start this halfway house And there was a little young fella in there that he asked me to be his sponsor. And he said, what do you think I ought to do? I said, well, number one, I think it would be a good idea if you got a job and got out of this halfway house. And he says, well easy for you to say, I don't have any wheels. I could get a job if I had a car. I said well I'll take you back and forth and help you find a job and then take you to the next place. Take you back forth to work until you get a couple of paychecks. He said, fine. So he found a job right away and I began taking him back andforth to work. And he told me a story one morning on the way to work that changed my life. All the time I'm thinking I'm helping him, and now he's going to help me. And the story went like this. He said that there was these three wise men from the east who stole from man and woman the crown of life, took it away from them, the thing that would make them the happiest, took it way from them. And they said, well, what are we going to do with this now that we took it away from us? One of them said, I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll take it to the highest, highest mountain on the face of the earth, and we'll hide it in the highest crevice, and they'll never be able to find it there. The other two said, yeah, but you know how they are. They'll hunt and they'll search and they will eventually find it. The other one said, I'll tell you what, we'll take it to the deepest, deepest ocean in the deepest crevice in the deepest, deepest Ocean and they won't ever be able to find it there. The other two said, yeah, but you know how they are. They'll eventually find them. He said, the third one said I'll show you what we'll do. We'll hide it within himself and he'll never be able look for it there." Is that God or is that God? Page 55, first paragraph. He said,"Yet women sing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world. People who rose above their problems. They said God made these things possible and we only smiled. We had seen spiritual release, but like to tell ourselves it wasn't true. Actually, we were fooling ourselves for deep down in every man, woman, child is a fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it's there. For faith in the power great in ourselves and miraculous demonstrations of that power and human lives are facts as old as man himself. See, we're just born with it. We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our makeup, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but he was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the great reality deep round within us, and the last of knowledge is only there that he may be found, and it was so with us. Now, it seems as though every human being on earth seems to be born with some form of knowledge, probably lying at a subconscious level, and that knowledge seems to be able to tell us how we should live and how we shouldn't live. It seems to Be able to Tell us what We should do and what We shouldn't do. And I'm sure a lot of people would like to call that just plain old common sense. I think others might want to refer to it as innate intelligence. I think Others might want To call it the conscience and some might want TO call it The soul. And I don't think It really makes any difference what We call it as long as We recognize the fact That it's there. And it's been there in my lifetime as far back as I can remember. I used to be getting ready to do something, and some voice within me would say, Charlie, I don't believe you ought to be doing this. And I wouldn't pay a bit of attention to it. I'd go right ahead and do it, and I'd just get in one hell of a mess. And that same little voice would say see, I told you not to do it in the first place. Now if that's true, and if that information, if that conscious knowledge, unconscious conscience or whichever way it might be, If that knowledge is God, then what that really means to me today is that God dwells within me. And if God dwellS within me, then I've got my own personal God. You see, I don't worry anymore about whether He's a God of the Baptist church or not. I don' t worry about whether he's hellfire and damnation or not I don''t worry about wether he's a god of the Catholic church, the Hebrew religion or anybody else's God. If he dwells with me, he's mine and he and I can come together in very simple and very understandable terms. That's some of the greatest information that I've ever learned, period. That I can have my own God. I can add my own conception of God. If I want Him to be a kind and a loving God, then that's what I can do. I can be the kind and the loving God. I don't have to worry about that hellfire and damnation anymore. Old ideas cast aside, replaced with a new set of ideas. Now am I ready to make a decision? You betcha I am now. Before this chapter, I could never have made the decision. So if you're having any trouble with this God thing, just read this chapter with an open mind. Just read this Chapter with the idea that maybe some of our old ideas, our old prejudices, maybe they're wrong. There just might be some other ideas that might be the actual truth. If you're working with a new person, have them read this Chapter just with an opened mind. It doesn't try to force God on us. It doesn' t try to prove that there's any kind of God. What it does, it just simply lets us change some old ideas. Now remember, a spiritual experience or a spiritual awakening is a personality change sufficient to recover from alcoholism. The old ideas are cast aside and replaced with new ideas. We're already beginning to undergo the spiritual experience as we begin to change our ideas about this God thing. Now we can make a decision, don't we? If you read this next little paragraph, it will sum up this whole chapter, we agnostics, in one little paragraph. He said, We can only clear the ground a bit. If our testimony helps sweep away prejudice, or what it is, enables you to think honestly, encourages you to search diligently within yourself, then if you wish, you can join us on the broad highway. With this attitude, you cannot fail. Now get this. The conscience of your belief is sure to come to you. you'll have a God of your own understanding that nobody, but nobody can improve upon. Because God will disclose himself to me or to us in this way. I can see Bill again now after he finishes up this chapter, sitting down reviewing what he's done. Saying to himself probably in the doctor's opinion, I was able to show them the problem. In my story, Bill's story, I was unable to give an example of an alcoholic who had that problem. In chapter 2, I was able to show them a solution. The power of the fellowship, the power of vital spiritual experience joined together to overcome our powerlessness. In chapter 3, I showed them what's going to happen to them if they don't find that power because of our insanity. And in chapter 4, I gave them a power that they can live with. And he probably says to himself, that's all the information they're going to need in order to be able to start the finding of this power. He sits down and begins to write chapter 5. Chapter 5 is going to give us the program of action necessary to find that power. And Bill, at this particular time, had great difficulty with chapter 5 They had six little steps that they had made up from the Oxford group tenants. Bill could see loopholes in those steps that the alcoholic mind was slipping through. And he felt that they needed to be tightened up. They needed to be broadened. Maybe some more steps added to it. He didn't know how many or didn't know exactly how to do that. He also was having trouble with this God thing because by this time we had all different kinds of people coming in to AA. The first ones that came in were probably Protestants and then we had some Catholics coming in and then began to have some Jewish people coming In and we began to have a sprinkling of Muslims showing up nia and he's getting ready to write a set of directions on how to find god and how in the hell are you going to do that without offending somebody and he said he tried and he tried and he simply could not get started on chapter five he said finally one night while in bed pillow behind his back leaning against the headboard pad and pencil in hand trying to start on chapter 5 he said i finally just gave up put the pad and pencil down he said i closed my eyes and i prayed and i asked god for the right thought the right action the right decisions said i meditated for a few minutes and i reached over and picked up the pad and pencil and he said it felt as if the pencil had a mind of its own as it raced across the pages in less than a half hour he had written how it works one of the greatest things that the world's ever seen on directions on how to find god then he had to show this of course as with all the book to the other members and we showed them they knew how it works with 12 steps instead of six the crap hit the fan one of them said hell bill moses only had 10 and you got 12 they said what do you mean trying to give directions to people and etc and etc etc and the fight was on and they almost destroyed the fellowship over how it works now what joe's going to read is the original how it worked as bill wrote it that night before the fellowship forced him to make some changes in it and i think in the reading of the original how it works, you're going to be able to see just exactly what he had in mind as far as these steps are concerned, Joe. Remember back on page 45, it said the main object of this book was to enable me to find a power greater than myself which would solve my problem. Well, this is how it worked. He said rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our directions. Not suggestions, directions. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. Usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves, there are such unfortunates. They're not at fault. They seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a way of life which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened and what we're like now. If you decide you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to follow directions. At some of these you may balk. You may think you can find an easier, softer way. We doubt if you can. With all the earnestness at our command we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas, and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Remember that you are dealing with alcohol. Cunning, baffling, powerful. Without help it is too much for you. But there is one who has all power, and that one is God. You must find him now. Half measures will avail you nothing. You stand at the turning point. Throw yourself under his protection and care with complete abandon. Now we think you can take it. Here are the steps we took which are suggested as your program of recovery. One, admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Three, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care and direction of God as we understood Him. Over to the carer and direction as we understand Him. remember that we'll refer to it later on four made a searching and perilous moral inventory of ourselves five admitted to god to ourselves to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs six were entirely willing that god removed all these defects of character seven humbly on our knees asking to remove our shortcomings holding nothing back eight made a list of all persons we had harmed became willing to make complete amends to them all nine made direct amends through such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others 10 continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it 11 sought through prayer and meditation to improve our contact with god praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out 12 having had a spiritual experience as a result of this course of action we tried to carry this message to others especially alcoholics and to practice these principles in all of our affairs now you may exclaim water and order i can't go through with it do not be discouraged no one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles we're not saints the point is that we're willing to grow along spiritual lines the principles we have set down are guides to progress we claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our description of the alcoholic is the doctor's opinion, some of it in chapter 2 and 3. The chapter 2 of the agnostic that's chapter 4 and our personal adventures before and after that's Bill's story and those in the back of the book have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas. Well, Bill was a salesman. He didn't sell you certain ideas. A, that you are an alcoholic and cannot manage your own life. Step 1. B, that probably no human power can relieve your alcoholism. Step two, see that God can and will. The rest of step two. Now if you're not convinced on these vital issues, you ought to re-read the book to this point or else throw it away. Respond. What could be more clear? It's evident that Bill didn't intend for this to be a set of suggestions. He intended for it to be set of directions. He said so two or three times. He intended for it to be a set of directions to the individual alcoholic on how to recover from alcoholism. And when the other members saw it, that's when the crap hit the fan. They said, Bill, you don't have any right to give anybody directions. Nobody has the right to tell anybody else what they're going to have to do. They said also, Bill. This stuff about making complete amends, this stuff about holding nothing back, that sounds too much like the Oxford Group absolutes, and we don't like that, and you're going to have to change it. And Bill said, oh no, I'm not going to change this. He said, this came after prayer and meditation. He said what you guys have got to realize is these aren't my words, these are God's words. And they said, well, we don' t really give a damn whose words they are. It's our book, and you' re going to charge it. And he said, no, I'm sorry, I' m not. And they say, yeah, you are. And the fight was on. And they almost not only blew the book project, they almost destroyed the fellowship right here. And finally, finally, Bill very reluctantly realized that if we're going to go any further with the book, he's going to have to make some compromises. There was a non-alcoholic psychiatrist around in those days, and he said, why don't you change it from directions to suggestions? He said probably more people would buy into your ideas than there will if you just force the directions on them. He said, it doesn't mean the same thing. And he said, where you keep saying must, must, he said change that to ought, ought. And he says, where you keep changing and saying you, you, he said say we, we. Don't say this is what you've got to do. Tell them this is how you're going to do it. This is what we had to do." And he'd say, probably more people would be more apt to follow these things if you make a few minor changes. Bill very reluctantly agreed to make those changes. But Bill was cunning, baffling, and powerful also. because he said to the fellowship, he said, okay, I'm going to compromise with you and make the changes, but you're going to have to compromise with me. And they said, well, what do you want? He said, look, I am tired. He said I have fought and argued with you all the way through this thing and especially hearing how it works. And he said if you want me to finish the book, then you give me the authority to do so. And if you don't want to give me the authority, then you finish the books yourself. Well, they didn't want to give him that authority, But they certainly didn't want to have to finish the book either. They very reluctantly agreed to that. Now, what Bill knew that they didn't know is two pages later, he's going to put directions and you and must right back in the book. He had it all the way up to how it works, jerks it out of how it worked, turns around and puts it right back end and ruins some of the continuity of the book but now that we can see what he really intended, it's easy to see what Bill intended for this thing to be. a set of directions to the individual alcoholic on how to recover from alcoholism. The other thing that is so apparent, when he finished up with the, he talked about our description of the alcoholic, the chapter of the agnostic, our personal ventures before and after have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas, and the three pertinate ideas are involved in steps one and two. People come to us today and they say, well, how do you work steps one and two. And we say you don't. They are not working steps. They are conclusions of the mind that we draw based on information presented to us in the doctor's opinion and the first four chapters. You see, I've always been powerless over alcohol, but I've also always been unmanageable because of that. I just did not know that nor did I know why until I read the doctor's Opinion in the first Four Chapters. There's always been a power greater than I am could restore me to sanity. I just didn't believe that power would do so, nor did I understand the insanity I had to be restored from until I read the doctor's opinion in the first four chapters. Now based on the information we've covered up to this point, if I can sit here today and say you betcha I'm powerless over alcohol, my life has become unmanageable, I'm through with step one. If I can set here and say, you betchah, I believe there's a power great than I can restore me to sanity i'm through with step two you see the fallacy in trying to start people in chapter five is chapter five really starts with three and they don't have one and two behind them unless they've absorbed all this information up to this point it's got to be important because we've used a doctor's opinion and four more chapters to talk about steps one and twos we only got three more chapters now that talks about the rest of the program most of this book is centered on one and two up to this point. Joe? Our book says being convinced. Being convinced of what? Being convinced to the ABCs. It says if we're not convinced, we ought to reread the book to this poem or else throw it away. But if we are convinced, we were at step three. We're not ready to take step three yet. We're just there. We're finished one and twos. Which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Well, just what do we mean by that? And just what did we do? Pretty good question, isn't it? How did we go about doing that? I have to make a decision to turn my will. And what is my will? My will is my thinking. And my life is my actions. So I'm going to make the decision here to turn by will, my thinking and my life, my actions over the care, as the book used to say, the care and direction of God as I understood Him." That's what I'm getting ready to do. I haven't done that yet, But I'm getting ready to make that decision to do that. I think there's three key words in step three that we need to look at very closely. And the first one is the word decision. You know, I hear a lot of people say, well, I've been in AA four or five years. My life's still all screwed up. I don't understand why. Because I turned it over to God when I took step three three years ago. Now, we don't turn anything over to god in step 3. We make a decision to be so. And their decision itself implies that we're going to have to take some further action to do that. A good example in my own life is a few years ago, my wife Barbara and I, we decided to come out here to California and visit some of our relatives who were living here in Torrance at that time. But we didn't do anything to carry out that decision. So sure enough, we didn'T get to California either. The next year, we made the same decision to come down here and visit our relatives, and again, we DIDN'T do anything. We didn'T do any thing to carry it out. Second year in a row, we didn't get to California. Third year in the row, we made the decision, only this time it was a little different. I took the car down and had it serviced. Barbara packed the clothes and a little food. We got in our automobile and we drove from our home to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Then we drove to Oklahoma City. Then we drove to Amarillo, Texas. Then we dove to somewhere in New Mexico, Albuquerque, I guess. And then after that we drove to Flagstaff, Arizona and then we drove to Barstow, California and by golly one day we ended up in Torrance visiting with our relatives not because we made a decision but because we took the action necessary to carry it out and our book's going to tell us in just a little while that this decision is going to have little permanent effect unless it wants followed by a strenuous course of action 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 11 so all we're doing in step 3 is making a decision Now, what is it we're deciding to do? We're making a decision to turn our will over to the care and direction of God as we understand Him. What is our will? Our will is nothing more than our thinking apparatus. Our will has nothing more that this thing up here in our head that tells us what to do and what not to do. Our will does nothing more then our mind. And let me give you a good example of tying your will with your thinking apparatus. Let's say that some of us are beginning to approach the end of our lives, which some of Us in this room are. And we've gathered up a few material things. We've become concerned with what's going to happen to them when we pass on. We may go down and sit down in an attorney's office and tell that attorney what we want done with these things. I want this to be my spouse's. This is to go to my daughter. This is for me. This is going to be My son's. So on, so on, and so forth. that attorney will take my thinking as of that day coming from my mind and put it down on a piece of paper in legal terms. I'll sign it, the attorney might sign it as a witness, and we'll put it in the safe. Now three or four years from now, sure enough, I kick the bucket. And if my family's like all the rest of them, they're not going to wait very long. They're going to call the undertaker and say come and get him and get he ready and let's get him in the ground about as fast as we can. Now, a day or two later, hell used to it was four or five days. Now then, it's just a day or two after that. A day or three later, we're all out there at the cemetery and they got me in a box suspended over a hole in the ground. A few people standing around that box and hopefully somebody in AA will say a prayer or two. They start dropping me down in the hole and my family, like all the others, will not even wait until I get to the bottom of the hole. As soon as I start in that hole, they jump in the car, they go to that attorney's office and that attorney reads to them my thinking as of that date three four five years prior to that time now what do they call that piece of paper they call it a will don't they that's why they do well thinking mind are all synonymous they mean the same thing so i'm making a decision to turn my thinking apparatus over the care and direction of god as I understood it. What else am I going to try to turn over? Well, I'm making a decision to turn not only my will but also my life over to the care and direction of God as I understand it. And what is my life? My actions. My life is nothing more than my actions. What I am right now as of this moment sitting behind this table is the sum accumulative total of all the actions I've taken throughout my entire lifetime has made me what I am today. Now, all action is born in thought. Say that again, please. All action is born in thought Sometimes we react to a situation so fast and we think we do it automatically but we don't I can't even reach out and pick up this coffee cup unless my mind tells my body to do so So if all action is born in thought then it stands to reason that my life is going to be determined by how I think If my thinking is okay chances are my actions are okay, and chances are my life's going to be okay. But if my thinking is lousy, then chances are my actions are going to being lousie, and chances are, my life is going to being lousey too. I shall never forget when I got to step three. I went to my sponsor. I said, Neil, I don't believe I can take step three, and he said, why? And I said because if I turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him, I have no idea what you have me be, and He may want me to be a missionary and he may want to send me to China and I sure as hell don't want to go to China and he just laughed and he said well at least it wouldn't be in the hands of an idiot what would it? He said let's look back in your lifetime Charlie you've always been a selfish self-centered self-willed human being you've all always done what you wanted to do whenever you wanted to do it is that right? And I said well you know it is well he said the end result is you damn you're destroyed your life. He said, just think if God could direct your thinking, it might become better. And he said, if your thinking becomes better, chances are your decisions and your actions would become better.And chances are, your life would become better, too.He said, there's no way that God could make it any worse than you have yourself. He stepped back about two feet and stuck his old bony finger right in the middle of my chest. And he said, now you've got to make the decision. She said, I wish I could make it for you, but I can't. This is one you have to do yourself. And that's what every one of us are faced with, you know. Are we going to keep on trying to run the show ourselves? Are we gonna keep on making our own decisions? Are we're gonna keep taking the same old actions? Are we wanna keep on till we destroy ourselves? You know, nobody can make life any worse than we alcoholics have made it for ourselves by following on self-will. So we gotta make this decision now as to which way we want to go. The book says we don't have any other choices. We can stay powerless, we can accept spiritual help, and now we've got to decide between those two. Thank God I made the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood it. See, he told us how it works. Just now we read how it worked. Now he's going to tell us why it doesn't work. And the book says that the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. That's the reason it don't work. On that basis, we're almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show. It's forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery, and the rest of the players in his own way. If he was arranging them, he would only say put. If only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. life would be wonderful. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they would only mind? The only problem is they don't mind. My wife does not mind. My will for my wife is one thing, and her will for her is another. And a lot of times they're in collision with each other. So the first requirement is that we be convinced any life-run on self-will could hardly be a success. Some 12 or 13 years after Bill wrote the big book and after a consultation with some of the best minds in the world and after experience of working with many, many, many alcoholics, Bill began to see some of the things that would make people tick. And he wrote the 12 and 12 about 12 or 13 years later. Primarily he was out pushing the tradition but he put some information about the steps in front of the book. Just short essays, short stories about the steps. More information about the step to help They better help us to work the steps out of the big book. And in the area of the fourth step, in the 12 and 12, there's some information in the first two or three pages of the 12 and 12 is some of the best information I've ever seen that tells you what makes people tick. And I need to get a working knowledge of that information I know today because later on this afternoon we're going to talk about that third column on page 65 that gives so many of us so much trouble. I get to that third column and I didn't have an understanding of what part of self was affected so I just skipped over that you see thank you for listening