The Oxford Group and the 12 Steps – Big Book Workshop – Part 3 of 8 – Joe C.

Thank you. look at the next statement very carefully and you'll notice it's nearly all in squiggly writing my friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea he said well why don't you choose your own conception of god and the instant he said that his message changed from a religious message to a spiritual message religion says this is the way you have to believe spirituality says it really doesn't make any difference how you believe the only question is are you willing to believe And this opened the door for Bell. It's opened the doorway for countless, thousands and thousands of we alcoholics. Why don't you choose your own conception of God? Here's the effect it had on Bell. That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain whose shadow I'd lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last. It was only a matter of being willing to believe in the power and waiting on myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness, I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would. And this is where Bill took step two. He was allowed to take step two based on the idea of choosing his own conception of God. And I was exactly like him. I couldn't choose the church's conception of god or anybody else's conception of god, but you let me have my own conception, I'm okay. I think the reason it works for we alcoholics is we don't have any problem with our own conception of anything my idea is good right it has to be and i don't think abby really understood what he was doing there i think out of total frustration talking to a drunk about god he finally said i think oh hell they'll just believe whatever you want to you know but that idea opened the door for a lot of us because that god as we understanding believe what we want to And I know that that would... See, you couldn't do that back in Oklahoma. The Southern Baptists, you'd go to hell for doing that. Believe me, you wouldn't. But that idea opened the door for me, too. Okay, Abbie immediately began to take Bill to Oxford group meetings. Remember, Bill's been drinking since Armistice Day. The allergies got him and he can't stop. He finally has to go back into town hospital for the third time. Page 13. At the hospital, I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens. After he gets sobered up in the towns, Evie comes to visit with him. They begin to apply the little Oxford Group program of action and Bill's life to the best of their ability. Let's see on page 13 if we can't see the last ten steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. We saw him take step one. We saw Him take step two. Now let's see if we came to find the last 10 from the Oxford Group Program. He said, There I humbly offered myself to God as I then understood Him to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing. Without Him, I was lost. The first step in the Oxford Group program was surrender. And Bill knew no self-respecting alcoholic would ever want to surrender. So he changed that into made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understood Him. We see Bill taking what we know there as step three today in our program. He said, I ruthlessly paste my sins. Their second step they had was examine your sins. And Bill knew no self-respecting alcoholic is going to do that for sure. So he changed that to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. There he's taking step four. And became willing to have my newfound friend take them away root and branch. I've not had a drink since. Became willing to having my new found friend take them way root and ranch. You'll notice friend is capitalized. He's referring here to God. And he's actually dealing with what we know today as Steps 6 and 7. We became willing to have God remove these things and humbly ask him to do so. There he's dealing with Steps6 and 7 He said, My schoolmate visited me and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies. We see him taking what we now know as Step 5 There in the hospital with Eddie We made a list of people I'd heard toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to write all such matters, so that most of my ability. And there we see him taking what we know today as steps eight and nine. We made our list and became willing to the list, and then we made amends wherever possible. So there he's dealing with steps eight or nine. He said, I will test my thinking by the new God conscious within. Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. This later became step ten where we continue to take personal inventory. He said, I would sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems that he would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my request, or on my uselessness at others. Then only am I to expect to receive, but that would be in great measure. Of course, there we see step 11, where we sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. He said, My friend promised when these things were done, I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator, that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. It's got to be the first part of step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening is the result of these steps. So we see Bill in the town hospital with Eddie applying the Oxford Group Program of Action. Later, when he wrote how it works, he was able to say these are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery. He took the Oxford Group steps, expanded them into Steps 3 through 12, the last ten steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. So Bill took them also, just like the rest of us have to take them. He said, Belief in the power of God plus enough willingness, honesty, and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things were essential requirements. Simple but not easy. A price had to be paid. It meant the destruction of self-centeredness. And I must turn in all things to the Father of light who presides over us all. Pro-alcoholics have got to give us two most important things in our life. The first thing is our alcohol, and the second thing is ourselves centeredness. The two things that we love the most. Very simple, but sometimes hard to do. Now here's the effect it had on them. He said these were revolutionary and drastic proposals. At the moment, I fully accepted them. The effect was electric. There was a sense of victory followed by such a peace and serenity as I'd never known. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up as though the great clean wind of a mountaintop blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but his impact on me was sudden and profound. Bill thought he was going crazy. He said for a moment I was alarmed and called my friend the doctor to ask if I was still sane. And he listened in wonder as I talked. Finally, he shook his head saying something has happened to you I don't understand. But you better hang on to it. Anything is better than the way you were. This was probably about December the 12th or 13th of 1934. Bill didn't die until January of 1971. He never found it necessary to take another drink as long as he lived. Something very, very effective took place in Bill's life that day in the town hospital. He always said, I had a vital spiritual experience during which old ideas were cast aside, replaced with a new set of ideas, and I was able to find a way to live without drinking alcohol. Something very profound happened to Bill because he went in there a very selfish and self-centered individual and then he had this giant spiritual experience. He thought he was going crazy because he'd heard Lois and Dr. Silkworth talk and said they were going to have to put him in an insane asylum or lock him up or hire a bodyguard. So he had these experiences and he was wondering if he'd gone crazy and Dr., Silkworth said, well something's happened to you that I don't understand but you better hang on to it. So something very profound happened to Bill. Because look what happens to him next. He said, while I lay in the hospital, he's still in the hospital. The thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could help some of them. They, in turn, might work with others. He began to think about other people while he was in the hostel, how he might help other people to what he had been given. Something profound happened to bill. He said my friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly was it imperative to work with other alcoholics that he'd work with me. Faith without works was dead, he said, and how appallingly true for the alcoholic. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again. And if he drank, he Would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. And with us, it's just like that. You know, the work is really, really hard. But to pay is really, really good too. You see, helping other people works when all other activities fail. I love this next paragraph. My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems. It was fortunate, for my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half, during which I found little work. I was not too well at the time and was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink. But I soon found that when all other measures fail, work with another alcoholic would save the day. Many times I've gone to my old hospital in despair. On talking to a man there, I would be amazingly lifted up and sat on my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going. Now this is what happened with Bill when he was in Akron about to get drunk. He remembered back in New York City And even though he had never helped any other alcoholics, every time he had tried, he felt better. So he called on Dr. Bob not to sober up Bob but because Bill was about to get drunk. Absolutely amazing. And it always works. In my own particular life, literally hundreds of times, feeling low and sad and depressed and angry and resentful and afraid and worried and all that crap. And I go out to another alcoholic and try to help another alcoholic and immediately it gets my mind off of me. Hits me on somebody else. God can come in my mind and kind of clean that thing up a little bit then. It really does work for we alcoholics. Now, just think, if you were the first out here in California, never had any contact with a fellowship, this book is the only contact you've got. You've read the doctor's opinion. You've been able to see what your problem really is. You've red Bill's story. You've being able to identify with another alcoholic. You've seen this alcoholic recover from alcoholism. Then by now, you surely are beginning to believe that I'm enough like this guy, that if he can recover from alcoolism, just maybe I can too. The beginning of belief, the beginning of hope, put in the big book just exactly where it belongs to give the newcomer some hope that maybe they can recover also. Perfect sequence. Let's take a 15-minute break. But it worked this time for us. Let's go to page 17. We found out what our problem is in a doctor's opinion. We were able to see and identify with another alcoholic who had that problem in Bill's story. And now then, we're going to look at the second goal of what is the solution to that problem. The problem is we're powerless over alcohol. Our lives have become unmanageable. On page 17, chapter 2, there is a solution. We're going to see two powers. We're gonna see the power of the fellowship that supports us and we're gonna say the power of the vital spiritual experience which will change us. And those two powers added together in our lives should be enough to overcome our powerlessness over alcohol. So let's start looking at those twopowers. Page 17, first thing we look at is the fellowship. You see, there IS a solution And I got a friend back home who used to say that there's as many different types of solutions as there are people in AA. And I said, no. If you look at the chapter heading on page 17, it'll tell you how many solutions there are. There is a solution, one. Two powers, but one solution. He said, we of Alcoholics Anonymous know 1,000 men and women who were just as hopeless as Bill. Nearly all have recovered. They've solved the drink problem. Said we're average Americans. Today we can say we're averaged citizens of the world because of my last understanding, we had 154 countries around the world. So we're average citizens of the world today. All sections of this country and its occupations are represented as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. And that's what we have during the break, the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. We're all talking ahead of each other. Nobody's listening, but we're talking at each other. We're greeting each other, that's the fellowship. And you can stay sober on the fellowship a long, long time. He said we're people who normally would not mix. As I look around the room here this morning, I can say that we're probably the most mixed up group of people in California this morning. We are people who normaly would not miss. But there exists among us a fellowship of friendliness and understanding which is indescribably wonderful. The fellowship is a wonderful, wonderful thing. and you can stay sober on a fellowship for a long, long time. Now all good writers use examples of what you already know to be able to make their points and to teach you something new. His next statement says we are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joystress, and democracy pervade the vessel from the steerage to the captain's table. Back in 1939, the way that people traveled primarily in those days from one continent to another was on the great ocean liners. And Bill Louis could use that as an example, and he knew people would understand what he's talking about. And I always think back to the Titanic. You know, on those great ocean miners that they had, the Titanic was one of the greatest examples. They had a distinct class system on them. If you were the poorest people, and usually those are the immigrants coming from Europe to the United States, you usually booked passage in what they called the steerage section. The steerage session was way down in the bowels of the ship. Very little fresh air. Dormitory-style living. I call it the cheese sandwich section. Accommodations were not very good. But if you didn't have much money, that's the way you traveled. Now, if you wanted to travel a little better than that, you could go into third class, Come up a deck or two. Your state rooms were a little better than the dormitory-style living. Food was a little bit better. If you wanted to travel better, you could go into second class. Then you could do it again. You could go in the first class. And the first glass is where the people that had lots of money would ride. The best state rooms, the best food, and the best everything. But that still wasn't considered to be the real elite section of the ship. If you had the right kind of money, old, old money, if you had the right religious background, if you had to write everything, you might be asked to dine at the captain's table. And at the capitan's table, they had the best service, the best food, the best everything. And it was a long, long ways from the steerage section to the captainstable. Normally in the voyage across the ocean, most people would never have met the one from the steered section would never have met the one from the captain's table in fact they even had separate stairwells where they wouldn't even accidentally meet and normally they would never have met each other period in the voyage across the ocean but the titanic the night it hit the iceberg and the ship began to sink and here's two guys standing at the rail of the ship now one of them just came from the captain's stable he's got on his tuxedo his tie all of his finery and everything else standing next to him is a guy from the steerage section he's got on his old work blue jeans his old bro gown shoes and these guys had nothing in common with each other period until they jumped overboard and when their butts hit that cold water they had something in common how in the hell do you save yourself and they grabbed onto each other and held onto each another and I doubt very seriously if the man from the captain's table requested a financial statement from the man from the steering section But when they were saved, got out of the water, back on another ship or on land, there was a feeling amongst them which was an indescribably wonderful feeling. It's always true with human beings. When we escape from a common peril, there is a feeling among us which is absolutely indescribably wonderful. But as soon as they got back on land and everything was safe, the common peril was over, they went their individual ways, probably never to see each other again. that our common peril, alcoholism, is always standing right outside the door waiting on us. And the feeling that you and I have for each other is one of those indescribably wonderful feelings that people get who escape from the common peril but ours does not subside because it's always there. And there is a great feeling in this room amongst the people in the room, one of the greatest feelings you can have. He said, unlike the feeling of the ship's passenger, however, Our joy and escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us, but that in itself could never have held us together as we are now joined. Here's the first great warning in the book. These feelings you and I have forever, these things that bring us together and form the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, even though they are great, great things are only one element in the powerful cement which binds us. There's been tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree and upon which we could join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. So we have the power of the fellowship that supports us as we gather together in our home groups and in meetings like this, etc. But the book warns us that that power is not sufficient. It says the tremendous fact is that we have discovered a common solution. A little later on, we're going to see that the common solution is the vital spiritual experience brought about through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. So there's two powers. The power of the fellowship that supports us. The power, the common resolution, and the spiritual experience which changes us And those two powers added together will be enough to overcome our powerlessness over alcohol. Now, I think one of the greatest tragedies in the world today, and we see lots of tragedies en the world a day, but one of them is that we people who are members of the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, we're spending literally hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars, hundreds and hundred of men and women work hours, trying to attract other alcoholics to the Fellowsship of Alcoholic Anonymous when we've got thousands upon thousands upon thousands of alcoholics who are members of AA who are running around with untreated alcoholism. They are members in the fellowship, but they're doing nothing about the common solution. They're doing nothing about the program of recovery. Now why aren't they? Again, I think it's simply because nobody's telling them they need to. You know, every new alcoholic we work with, we take them to this page. We make sure they understand this. you betcha we've got to have the fellowship but the fellowship alone is not sufficient if we're going to recover from alcoholism we're gonna have to change and the changes are brought about through the 12-step program which leads to the spiritual experience or what dr uh silkworth called the psychic change now a good textbook never tells you anything but what he doesn't back it up he's going to spend the first half of this chapter showing you and i why fellowship alone is not sufficient the last half of this chapter he's going to tell us what the common solution is that brings about the changes necessary for recovery so the first thing let's look at why fellowship is not efficient he said you on page 20 please said you may have already asked yourself why it is as all of us became so very ill from drinking doubtless you're curious to discover how and why in the face of expert opinion to the contrary we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body now if you're an alcoholic who wants to get over it you already may be asking well what do i have to do well it's the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically remember last night we talked about precisely specifically with clear cut directions well here's one of those words they're going to answer such questions specifically which will tell you what we've done before going into great detail and into a detailed discussion it may be well to summarize the points as we see them how many times people have said to us i can take it or leave it alone why can't he why don't you drink like a gentleman and quit that fellow can't handle his liquor why don'T you try beer and wine lay off the hard stuff his willpower must be weak he could stop if he wanted to she's such a sweet girl i should think he'd stop for her sake the doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him but there is, all it up again. Now these observations are commonplace observations on drinking which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours. Okay, we're going to look at three different kinds of drinkers. The first one is moderate drinkers, says moderate drinkers had a little trouble in getting up liquor entirely. If they had good reason for it, they can take it or leave it alone. You know, we talked about them last night. The other ones that have a couple of drinks, they get a slightly tipsy, out-of-control, beginnings of a nauseous feeling. Alcohol is no big deal for them. If any reason presents itself, they can take it or leave it alone. These observations that Joel just read would refer to the moderate drinker. Then we have a certain type of hard drinker who may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason, ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate. Although he may find it difficult and troublesome, and may even need medical attention, we call this guy the heavy for the hard drinker. They drink like we alcoholics drink. But if a good enough reason presents itself, they will either learn to moderate their drinking, They do not have the physical allergy. Or they may quit drinking entirely. They do NOT have the obsession of the mind. They drink like us, but they're not alcoholic. And you and I see them all the time. They're the ones that said, when I was in the service, I was an alcoholic also. But when I got out of the service I got married, went to church, quit drinking, don't see why in the hell you can't. No, they're NOT alcoholics. They're heavy or hard drinkers. These expressions that Joe read would refer to the heavy drinker also. But here's the third one. What about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker, which many of us did. He may or may not become a continuous hard drinker. Many of us stayed periodic. But at some stage of his drinking career, he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink. Now, the rest of this page and part of page 22 is going to describe the real alcoholic. alcoholic. And when you see a description in there that fits you, would you please hold your hand up? We'd like to see if we're in a room full of real alcoholics, Joe. I said, but at some stage of my drinking career, I began to lose all control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink. And I tried to talk last night about crossing over that line. Don't know what line he was talking about, but I was drunk when I went over it. You know that. Here's a fellow who's been puzzling you, especially in his lack to control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. Anybody do that? Is there a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Anybody in here like that? I always get good looking and out of debt just like that. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He's always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world yet let him drink for a day and he frequently becomes disgusting and even dangerously antisocial. Anybody like that in here? He has a positive genius for getting tired at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. Anybody in here always getting drunk at the wrong time? Now, here's one that everybody agrees with. He's often perfectly sensible and well-balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect is incredibly dishonest and selfish. Anybody likethat in here?" Next one they identify with, too. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes and has a promising career ahead of him. Any alcoholics in here like that? Yeah. I've never heard an Al-Anon say that, but I've heard plenty of alcoholics say it. He uses his gift to build up a bright outlook for his family and self and then he pulls the structure down on his head by a sensitive series of sprees. He is a fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around yet early the next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. Any bottle hiders in here and then forgot where you hid it and couldn't find it the next day? If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the waste pack. Anybody like that in here? Fiddlesticks. Hiding bottles. I used to buy a lug of whiskey, and that's three-fifths, one to share and one to hide from each other. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Anybody ever have to have a little something extra in the morning in order to go to work. Then comes a day when he's sick and cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and treatment centers. Oh, excuse me, sanitarians. Anybody like that? Same thing. Same thing, they just got a better word for it. Asylum, sanitary, it's the same thing. Now this is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly. You know, thank God today, if our government has ever spent anything right in the field of alcoholism, it's been an education of the public as to what alcoholism is and what it isn't. And because of that education, many, many people are getting to A today before they have to do all these things that describe the real alcoholic. But I'll guarantee you, if you're a real alcoholic, you found yourself in there somewhere. At least one of those will fit you. In my case, almost every one. One in particular, if he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets the entire supply away from him to throw down the waste pipe. Seven years after I got sober, I sold a 40-acre, 45,000 broiler chicken operation. For years after that, sometimes it would run into the guy that bought it and he would wave and he'd say, Hey, Charlie, we have found another one. referring to partially empty vodka bottles, the behind-corner post under rocks and hollow trees coming out of feed bins, all over that 40-acre deal. Certainly I saw myself. Now here's the question. Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it that he takes that one break? Why can't he stay on a water wagon? the modern drinker can, the heavy drinker can. Why can't the alcoholic? What has become of the common sense and willpower that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters? Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We're not sure why. Once a certain point is reached little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle. We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink as he may do for months or years. He reacts much like other men. We are equally posse that once he takes any alcohol, whatever it is, into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this. Now these observations, the one I just read, these observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than in his body. Would you read that again, please? Therefore, The main problem the alcoholic enters in his mine rather than his body, it's very important I understand the physical allergy, but that's not my real problem. My physical allergy can't hurt me if I don't take the first break and I can't take the first drink unless my mind tells me it's okay to do so. So my real problem centers in my mind telling me I can drink rather than in my body that ensures that I can't. If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility but none of them really make sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking about creates. They sound like the philosophy of the man who having a Headache? Beats himself on the head with a hammer so that he can't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off or become irritated and refuse to talk. Once in a while, he may tell the truth. As strange as it may seem, there are times we alcoholics tell the true. Not too often, but once in a great while. I had a lady in Al-Anon came to me one day and she said her husband's still drinking. She said, Charlie, all he does is lie, lie, lying. She said, how can you tell when one of you guys are lying? I said, lady, watch him closely. And if you see his lips do it, he's probably lying to you all right. And then I said you want me to tell you how to keep him from lying? And she said, yeah, yeah. I said don't ask him those stupid questions. The truth, the truth, strange to say, is usually he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses which are a satisfied part of the time, but in our hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow someday they will beat the game, but they often suspect they are down for the count. Now there's the word obsession. Remember an obsession of the mind is an idea that overcomes all ideas to the contrary. An obsession ofthe mind isan idea that is so strong that it can make you believe a lie. The great obsession of every alcoholic is someday, somehow, we're going to find some kind of liquor we can drink without getting drunk. Someday, somehow. We're goingto find a group of people we can break with someday, somehow, and that idea is so strong that it makes us believe it's okay to drink. We take the drink, we trigger the allergy, and then we get drunk. So our real problem lies in the mind telling us it's OK to drink." Let's go to page 24. This is italic. The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. We are unable at certain times to bring into conscience with sufficient force the memory and suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago we were without defense against the first drink. The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into our mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and raise the planet with the old threadbare idea that this time we should handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense which keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove. In other words, I have a wonderful memory that's just short. I can't remember the divorce courts or the jails that I just got out of or the car wrecks because all I can think about is feeling better. And I'm obsessed with the idea of feeling good and I know that a drink will change the way that I think and the way THAT I feel. I've always known that no matter what the trouble was. See, alcohol can't do anything to me unless it does something for me. And that's what I can remember only. There's a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove. You know, if you've burned your hand on an hot stove, chances are you're always going to remember that. And very doubtful if you'll go back and put your hand on that hot stove to let it burn you again. You know I remember as a kid growing up during the depression years And there's a few of you in here old enough to remember that, too. We didn't have very much in those days. We didn' t have hot and cold running water. We didn''t have four-stair heat. If we had heat in the wintertime, we were lucky, period. We burned wood. We burned coal. We burned whatever we could get our hands on to burn to stay warm. Other people's houses. It didn' T matter. But it didn' ? make any difference how poor the family is. Cleanliness is still next to godliness. Everybody in the family has to take a bath on Saturday night. Now, whether you need a bath or not is beside the point. You still have to take one on Saturday night. One time in the middle of the winter, Mother had heated the bath water on the old heating stove in the living room, put it in a number three zinc wash tub sitting behind that stove. Now, every kid in the family takes a bath in the same water. I'm the baby of the family. The time it got to me, the crud would be about an inch thick on it. Mother said, get in there and get yourself clean, and I thought, how in the hell did I get cleaned in there? And I didn't dare say that to her. You didn't talk to your mother that way in those days. I scrape the crud back. I get in the water. I'm soaping myself up. I'm standing next to this red hot stove. Somehow, I managed to bend over and stick my rear against that stove. I shall never forget it. I raised a blister on my rear end about as big as my hand. Hurt me worse than anything had ever hurt me before. And you know, I've never had an obsession in my mind to stick my ass on a hot stove since then. Now, alcohol has burned me over and over and over and over and over just as bad as that hot stove ever burned me. And my mind, left on my own resources, cannot remember with sufficient strength and force the suffering, the humiliation, and et cetera of what the last drunk does to me. And I begin to think about taking a drink. And I began to concentrate on that great sense of ease and comfort that comes at once by taking just a couple of drinks. Next thing you know, I've convinced myself it's okay to drink. Then the allergy takes over, and then I get drunk. So the real problem centers in my mind rather than my body. Page 24, last paragraph. When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he's probably placed himself beyond human aid unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane if we placed ourselves beyond human aid then the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous will not bring about recovery from alcoholism because the fellowship of AlcoholicsAnonymous is made up of a group of individuals who are just as powerless over alcohol as I am the fellowship is absolutely necessary the fellowship supports me but the fellowship will not bring about discovery from alcohol it's got to come through a power greater than human power. Page 25, there is a solution to that condition. Let's see what it is. He said, there IS a solution. He said almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leavening of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others and we'd come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life that we'd been living in. When therefore we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, There was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We found much of heaven had been rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence, which we had not even dreamed. See, I come to Alcoholics Anonymous, I was powerless over alcohol. I saw that the fellowship was staying sober. People said that they were staying sober because of the program of AlcoholicsAnonymous, and I believe that they believed that. And I stuck around until I too could come to believe that this program might work for me. The fellowship supported me and helped me. The book says the great fact is just this and nothing less, that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences. And this is what they've done for us, which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows, toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. You notice that statement up there said the great factor, to just this and nothing less, that we've had deep and effective spiritual experiences and then there's a little asterisk there. Well, in the first printing of the first book, that little aesterisk was not there. People began to write in to the little office and ask Bill what they meant by these terms that he was using, spiritual experience. What do they mean by that? They were doing the same things that he Was doing, but they weren't having those same type of experiences or they didn't understand what he meant by those terms. So in the next printing, he put that little asters there in the bottom of the page, he said, fully explained. They want us to understand what they meant by those terms, spiritual experience and spiritual awakening. It's very, very important that if they're writing about it, I need to understand What They Mean in the terms in which they're writing about, otherwise I might misunderstand. Later on, referring to that asterisk on page 27, it says, For further application, see Appendix 2. Then on page 47, referringto that aesterisk, it said, Please see Appindix 2." Because they really want to make sure we understand what they mean by those terms. Because I don't know about you, but when I was about six or seven years old, some things happened in my life that I didn't like, and I blamed God for them, as some of us do when we're that young. And I said, if I ever get big enough that they can catch me, I'm not going to go anymore either to church. And I got big enough they couldn't catch me and I didn'T go. And so when I arrived at Alcoholics Anonymous, I had the spiritual knowledge of a six- or seven-year-old boy. and you can imagine what that was. I know one time they did catch me and took me to this revival they had back there in Oklahoma and they were playing music and dancing and singing and eating dinner on the ground and went on for a couple of weeks it seemed like and I was there one night and my Aunt Mutt she's much of a lady Aunt Mutch and yeah and Aunt Muts got into the spirit of this thing that night and she began to jump up and down and talk in a strange language that I'd never heard of before, and sometimes I think she jumped over a pew or two. I don't know. But she was having the spiritual experience. And I thought that's what I was going to have to have when I got here. And I'll tell you about it. I was dreading it to tell you the truth. But thank God that was not the truth because they said back on page 569 or page 567 in the fourth edition they read those terms, what they meant by those. So let's go back there and let's see what they mean by those terms because it will help us to understand the rest of the book better. Remember, if a textbook is meant to transfer information from one mind to another, the transfer is going to be done through the words that are used. If the writer uses a certain word or a certain term with a certain understanding, the reader reads it with a different understanding. The information comes through his garbled information. Just like the word allergy, many of us were highly confused about this term spiritual experience. So if we're going to have to have one of them, let's go back on page 569, 567 if you're in the fourth edition, and let's see what they really mean by spiritual experience. It says spiritual experience, The term spiritual experience and spiritual awakening are used many times in this book. Upon careful reading, you know alcoholists don't do careful reading do they? Shows that the personality change sufficient being about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms. Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes or religious experiences must be in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals. Happily for everyone, this conclusion is erroneous. Okay, I've already learned two or three things from these two paragraphs. I've learned that there might be two terms. It might be called a spiritual experience or it might be call a spiritual awakening. In either case, it's going to be a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism. Dr. Silkworth referred to it as a psychic change. Here he's called a personality change. I've also learned that it doesn't have to be a fast one like Bill Wilson had. That's what confused people. Bill felt as if the great clean wind of a mountaintop blew through and through. Most people were not having that, so that's why they started writing in. So it says, Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes or religious experiences must be in the nature of a sudden and spectacular upheaval. Happily, for everyone, this conclusion is erroneous. It doesn't have to be fast like Bill's was. So I learned two or three things just from two paragraphs. Bill's Was a Spiritual Experience Which Happened Suddenly Right now, a spiritual awakening develops slowly over a period of time. In the first few chapters, a number of sudden revolutionary changes are described. Though it was not our intention to create such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in order to recover, they must acquire an immediate and overwhelming God consciousness, followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook. Among our rapidly growing membership of thousands of alcoholics, such transformations, though frequent, are by no means the rules. Most of our experiences are what the psychologist William James calls the educational variety because they develop slowly over a period of time. Quite often friends of the newcomer are aware of the difference long before he is himself. He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life, that just a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self-discipline. With few exceptions, our members find they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a power greater than themselves. Most of us think this awareness of a power greater that ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it God consciousness. Most infactly we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial. We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty, and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery, but these are indispensable. There is a principle which is barred against all information, which is proof against all argument, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance, and that principle is contempt prior to investigation. See, I knew all I needed to know at seven years old, and I thought all my life that I neatly invaded this situation. I was convinced. My mind was made up. I knew so many things that were not true. It was almost impossible for me to learn anything that was true because I had a closed mind about these items and these things. I needed an open mind then, and I need an open line today. Okay, we saw Bill back when he talked about the great ocean liner in the moment after rescue from shipwreck. And we talked then about the fact that he liked to use examples of something we already know to teach us something new. He does that all the way through the book. Another thing that he does, he repeats himself quite often. Most writers do that. But they nearly always find a different word when they repeat themselves so it won't sound like the same thing over and over andover andover. They find a difference in a different way that means the same things. There seems to be one key word running through this whole spiritual experience and that's the word change from what we were into something entirely different. Let's see how many times he said change on page 569 or 567 and how many different ways he had of saying it. In the first paragraph, he talked about a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery. Our personality is made up by the way we think, by theway we feel, by our emotions, our old ideas, our old attitudes, etc. So if we change our personality from restless, irritable, discontented into one who has peace of mind, serenity, and happiness, we've undergone a personality change. Paragraph 2, he again mentioned personality changes. But then he said in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals, an upheaval is to change something entirely. In the third paragraph, first sentence he called it sudden revolutionary changes. To revolutionize something is to changed it entirely. Third paragraph, last sentence, he talked about an immediate and overwhelming God consciousness to overwhelm something is to change you. Third paragraph, last sentence, he called it a vast change in feeling and outlook. In the fourth paragraph, first sentence, he said such transformations that transform is to chance. About the middle of the fourth paragraphe, he called It a profound alteration to alter is to chanze. So really what we're talking about here is simply changing the way we think, the way feel, our attitudes and our ideas about life into something entirely different. Now, if it happens rapidly, we'll call it a spiritual experience. That's what Bill had. But most of us won't have that. Most of us will change as we learn, as we apply the program, we undergo that personality change over a longer period of time. We'll call It a spiritual awakening. But both of them, in either case, It's a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism. When he came out with the second printing of the big book, he changed step 12 to read, having had a spiritual awakening. That's the only word that's ever been changed in the 12 steps from the time they first appeared in the big-book Alcoholics Anonymous in 1939. He realized most people wouldn't have the spiritual experience, so he changed it to spiritual awakening, and I can buy into these ideas. When I first heard the term spiritual experience, that had religious connotations to me and I didn't want any part of it. But I can buy into the idea of changing my personality, changing the way I think, changing theway I feel. Let's go back now to page 25. I first got to Alcoholics Anonymous. I had become everything I detested in a human being and I did not like me at all. And when they talk about change, that's what I said, man, I want to change. I didn't want to be me. So I looked around the Fellowship of Alcoholics and Armists, and I found me some heroes and tried to emulate them. I wanted to be like them. They won't be like me. I want to Be Like Them. Charlie was one of my heroes, and I tried to be just exactly like Charlie. I almost made it. It's a good thing I didn' t, but I almost make it because I would have never become me. And I think we need our heroes for a time, And I think the type of change that you're talking about really is to change from what I had become to that which God intends for me to be. That's the type OF change that I'm looking for today, and I'll call it synonymous. But in the beginning, I had to emulate those other people, and I needed those other People in the fellowship. I tried to be like them, and they supported me. Back on page 25. Last paragraph. It said, If you're as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there's no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible. And if we'd passed into the region in which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives, and here they are. One was to go on to the bitter end, brought out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could. That's step one. And the other, to accept spiritual help. And that's step two. And he said this, we did because we honestly wanted to and we're willing to make the effort. We can go out there and do the best we can do. We don't like this solution, or we can stay here and accept spiritual help. And every individual has to make their own decision about that. I can't make it for you. Nobody can. We have to make our own based upon the information and our own life's experience. A lot of people in AA today will tell you you better not talk too much about God or you'll run the newcomer off. But if you'll notice, the big book doesn't mind talking about God at all. And the big books finally, finally gets around to telling us we just got one of two choices. You know, we can continue to stay powerless over alcohol, continue to drink it until we die from alcoholism, or we can accept spiritual help. There seems to be no other alternatives for we alcoholics. My old sponsor straightened me up in this area. He said, Charlie, you don't need to worry about running a newcomer off talking about God. He said if you do, whiskey will put him right back in here. He said he has no other place to go, and after he hurts some more and comes back, then he may be willing to talk about God And I found that to be true in my case and in many other cases also. You're going to run them off when we've already been off. Where did this idea of the vital spiritual experience come from? You know, you would think it came from somebody in religion. Well, if you start thinking about it, it always blows my mind to see where this thing really did come from. Let's look at this example on page 26. A certain American businessman had ability, good sense, and high character. This is a fellow named Roland Hazard. and Roland Hazard happened to be the one of them that stepped in between Eddie and the judge. He said for years he had floundered from one sanitarium to another. He had consulted the best-known American psychiatrist. Roland Hazerd's family had plenty of money. He had gone to the best treatment centers and psychiatrists he could possibly find here in the United States, and nobody had helped him. Then he had gone into Europe placing himself in the care of a celebrated physician, the psychiatrist Dr. Jung who prescribed for him. Dr. Jung was one of the three leading psychiatrists in the world at that time. Now, he didn't go to Dr. Jung for a 28 day treatment program. He stayed with Dr. Jung for about a year and he was treated once a week by Dr. Jung for an entire year. Though experience had made him skeptical, he finished his treatment with unusual confidence. His physical and mental condition were unusually good. Above all, he believed it acquired such profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. More baffling still, he had given himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall. So he returned to this doctor whom he admired and asked him point blank why he could not recover. He wished above all things to regain self-control. He seemed quite rational and well balanced with respect to other problems, yet he had no control whatever over alcohol. Why was this? He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it. In the doctor's judgment, he was utterly hopeless. He could never regain his position in society. He would have to place himself under lock and key or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long. That was the great physician's opinion. But this man still lives and is a free man. He does not need a bodyguards nor is he confined. He can go anywhere on this earth where other free men may go without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude. Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help. Let us tell you the rest of the conversation our friend had with his doctor. The doctor said, You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I've never seen one single case recover where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you. Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang. He said to the doctor, Is there no exception? Yes, replied the doctor, there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times, here and there. Once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me, these occurrences are phenomenal. They appear to be of the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Change. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes for once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side. Change. And a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to nominate them. In fact, I've been trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you. Change. With many individuals, the methods which I employed are successful, but I've never been successful as an alcoholic of your description. Asterisk, bottom of the page, for amplification. See appendix two. They want to be sure that we understand what this vital spiritual experience is. I read this thing and it just blows my mind. You know, here's one of the best-known psychiatrists in the world. And Roland goes to him, but he's treated for a year. He leaves there and gets drunk, and he comes back to the doctor. And he begs the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and they got it. The doctor said, you're probably going to die from alcoholism. He said, with all the knowledge that I have of the mind, I'm not able to help you any further, Roland. You're probably gonna die from it. You're gonna die form alcoholism, period. Normally the doctor would have said, Roland, I believe you're suffering from a valium deficiency. Let me write you a prescription and you keep coming back for another year. But this little doctor had enough humility to go outside of himself. And he said, I don't know the answer, but it might lie in spirituality. He said, these things are phenomena to me. I do not understand them, but I've seen it happen with people of your type. old ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were the guiding forces of the lives of these people are cast aside and replaced with a new set of ideas emotions and attitudes. Now we're not sure whether Dr. Young told him to go to the Oxford groups or not but we know he left there came back to the States got involved in the Oxford group had a spiritual experience or spiritual awakening he carried it to Evie and then Evie carried it to Bill. And it blows my mind when I look at these things to see where they come from. We alcoholics today who are so proud of our 12 steps, and rightfully we should be so, we need to stop once in a while and see where the 12 steps come from and where they came from. Step 1 came to us from a doctor in New York City named Dr. Silkworth who was non-alcoholic. Step 2 came to use from a psychiatrist on the other side of the world who was not alcoholic. The last 10 steps came to US from a group of people practicing first century Christianity who were non-alcoholics. Bill always said, he said, I knew none of these things. He said my mind was used as a vessel and these various pieces of information gelled in my mind and I was able to write the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous but they all came to us from non- alcoholic people. I think it might do us good to remember that that they really came from all non- alcoholics, Joe. Kind of interesting to me that Dr. Silkworth knew what the problem was the allergy of the bowel and the obsession of the mind but he didn't have a solution for it. Dr. Jung, on the other side of the earth, he gave Roland the solution, the vital spiritual experience. To me, he said these are a phenomenon. He didn't even understand them, but he knew they existed. He didn' t know what the problem was. He didn''t know about the physical allergy obsession of the mind, but he gave him the solution which is the vital spiritually experience. The Oxford groupers, they weren' t involved in the problem or the solution. They had the spiritual program of action and the little six tenants of the Oxford group, they weren't interested in helping drunks. You see? So they didn't know what the problem was either. But you know, Alcoholics Anonymous started right here because way back in those days, he said that here and there, just once in a great while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. Today, this morning, we can look around these rooms at each other and tell each other that here and now, every time an alcoholic will apply these things to their life, They, too, can recover. And they called it Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank God it happened in our time, for sure. So we see the real solution to alcoholism then is made up of two things. For those of us who are powerless, we're going to have to have power in our lives. And we see in the big book that part of that power is through the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, where we gather together and share our experience, strength, and hope with each other. And we're putting a little picture up here on the screen to kind of indicate this. And you'll notice over on the left-hand side of that picture, we have the fellowship which supports us where the older members through the sharing of their experience, strength, and hope with a newcomer provides enough power for the newcomer to be able to stay sober for a period of time. And by the way, it's a two-way street too. As the older member supports the new member, the older number draws strength from that too. lots of power in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. No doubt about that. It would be almost impossible today to be a member of AA and not begin to believe in some kind of power other than human power working in and through this fellowship. You can hardly hear countless hundreds of people saying it's only by the grace of God or because of a power greater than I am or because if God is I understand Him, I haven't found it necessary to take a drink the next number of days, weeks, months, or years, whatever. You can hardly hear that over and over and over and not begin to believe there must be some kind of power working within this thing. A newcomer begins to believe that and that opens the mind and they become willing to investigate and they find that simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet, the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. As we begin to apply the 12 steps in our lives we begin to change. Our old ideas, attitudes and emotions are cast aside and replaced with a new set revolutionizes our entire attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God's universe. We have a spiritual experience. If it's fast, a spiritual awakening, if it's slow, a personality change sufficient to recover from alcoholism. That's the real solution. Now, after we've had this spiritual experience or spiritual awakening, we then become older members of Alcoholics Anonymous. Now we can go back to the left side of the sheet and we can help support the next newcomer that comes in and help them then work their way through the steps where they can have a spiritual experience also and if you notice we're measuring older membership not on how long have you been sober but upon the quality of that sobriety when aa first started there was never any question about this everybody was expected to use the steps and have a spiritual experience. And if they didn't want to use the steps, then they were told, well, you might as well leave here because there's nothing we can do for you unless you're willing to accept spirituality, work the steps and have the spiritual experience But then as time went by, they began to water down the program They began to treat it like a cafeteria They beganto take some and leave some And immediately the quality of the sobriety began to go down, down, down, and down. Today in AA you see all kinds of people. Sometimes you see a person that's only been in here maybe six months. They got a good sponsor. The sponsor took them through the book. Helped them work the steps. They've had a spiritual experience or a spiritual awakening. And you just love to be around them. They're always laughing and cutting up and having fun. Doing everything they can for AA and other people. They are a real delight to behold. They really are. And you see some people in here that's been sober 6, 8, 10, 12, 14 years. They treated it like the cafeteria. They took some and they left some. They're better than they used to be, but you never know what kind of shape they're going to be the next time you run into them. One day they're up and the next day they'RE down and they're kind of like a yo-yo just going up and down, up and down. And then you see something that's been in here 20, 25, 30 years, never took a step, damn proud of it. And they're the ones that say, by God, if you want what we've got and are willing to do it. Now some of those guys feel so bad you'd like to buy them a drink, you know, damn good and well, they would feel better. So we're not talking about length of sobriety. We're talking about quality of sobrietty. And only those who have had a spiritual experience or spiritual awakening can help their next newcomer have one. You can't give away something you haven't got so we see very definitely there's two parts to the power that brings about recovery fellowship first supports us and then when our head kind of clears up we begin working the program then the steps changes and we have a spiritual awakening now i can almost see bill as he's writing the book he probably sits back at the end of chapter two and he said well now let me see i I told them the problem in the doctor's opinion and my story, Bill's story. Gave them an example of the problem there. He said, now then, I've told them The Solution. But he probably said to himself, they're not going to like The Slusion any better than I did. You remember how Bill had a lot of problem with this stuff that Eddie was bringing to him? And I think he says to himself maybe I better show them what's going to happen to them if they don't find This Solution and he sits down and he writes another chapter called chapter 3 more about alcoholism and in chapter 3 he talks about one thing and one thing only step 2 says we came to believe that a power greater than ourself could restore us to sanity well if we have to be restored to sanity then it indicates we must be insane and many alcoholics are highly offended when you tell them that they say oh no no no I'm not insane Yeah, I did some pretty crazy stupid things while drinking. But when sober, I'm much like normal people. Other alcoholics say, well, I don't have any trouble with that insanity because I remember all the crazy stupid thing I did while drinking." In either case, they're referring to the crazy, stupid things we do while drinking as insanity. No, that's not insanity. The crazy, silly, stupid, stupid thing we do is insanity. The crazy stupid, silly things we drink are caused by a mind filled with alcohol. Alcohol lowers the inhibitions. And if your mind is filled with something that lowers the inhibitions, look out, you're going to do some pretty crazy stupid things all right. But that's caused by alcohol. This bugged us, bugged us and bugged us until finally we went to the dictionary and we looked up the word sane or sanity. Sane or sanity is defined as wholeness of mind or completeness of mind. A mind that is whole a mind that is complete can see the truth about everything around it makes decisions based on truth and life turns out to be pretty good an insane mind is one that is less than whole a mind that is left cannot always see the truth about everything around it makes decisions based on a lie and then life usually gets all screwed up to be insane does not mean you're crazy You know, if you're crazy, you've lost more than half your marbles. And you've got to be locked up somewhere to protect you and society from you. To be insane does not mean that you're crazy. It just simply means you're not quite all here. And when it comes to alcohol, it seems as though from time to time, we alcoholics are not quite all here. This whole chapter is designed to show us the insanity that we must be restored from. And he does it in a perfect way by using examples. He talks about the man of 30. He talks abut a fellow named Jim. He talks bout the jaywalker. And he talks about a fellow name Fred. And always we look in the mind just before they become insane, when the mind is stone cold sober. Let's look at the lie that we alcoholics believe. This chapter is called More About Alcoholism. It could be called More Truth About Alcoholics. I've heard all my life, you know the truth, the truth will set you free. If I'm not free, it's because I don't know the true. And I always do better when I know better. And that's what I learned from this chapter, More About alcoholism. He said, Most of us have been unwilling to admit that we're real alcoholics. No person likes to think that he's bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove that we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday, he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic. This is a first step in recovery. The delusion that we're like other People or Presley maybe has to be smashed. Now here you've got to be careful. You see Bill doing his favorite thing again. He's repeating himself over and over, but he uses a different word each time he does. In the two paragraphs that Joe just read, we see four words that all mean exactly the same thing. He said the idea that somehow someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. Now we know an obsession is an idea that overcomes all ideas to the contrary, strong enough to make you believe a lie. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. We know what an illusionist is. An illusionist is a magician. They can stand in front of you and with slight of hand and a few props make you believe something that isn't true. So illusion means to believe something that ain't true or a lie. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity. Insanity is to believe somethingthatisnottrue. We learned that we had to fully conceive to our animal self that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. the delusion that we are like other people who are present and maybe has to be smashed. If you've deluded yourself, that means you've come to believe something that isn't true. So you may see four words. It may be obsession. You may see the word insanity. You may say the word illusion. Or you may say it's not true. You may also see the world delusion. All four mean exactly the same thing. To believe something that is not true or to believe a lie. Now let's go see the obsession, the illusion, the delusion, the insanity that we alcoholics have just before we take the first drink. Let's go to page 32, second paragraph. He said a man of 30 was doing a great deal of spree drinking. He was very nervous in the morning after these bouts and quieted himself with more liquor. Now he was ambitious to succeed in business and saw that he'd be getting nowhere if he drank at all. Once he started, he had no control whatever. Now he made up his mind that until he had been successful in business and had retired, he would not touch another drop. An exceptional man. He remained bone dry for 25 years and retired at the age of 55 after a successful and happy business career. Then he fell victim to a belief with practically every alcoholic ass that his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as other men. Out came his carpet slippers and the bottle. In two months, he was in a hospital puzzled and humiliated. Now, he tried to regulate his drinking for a while making several trips to the hospital meantime Then gathering all his forces, he attempted to stop altogether and found that he could not. Every means of solving his problem was money he could buy was at his disposal. Every attempt failed. Though a robust man in retirement, he went to pieces quickly and was dead within four years. This case contains a powerful lesson. Most of us have believed that if we were to remain sober for a long session, we could thereafter drink normally. But here's a man who at 55 years found he was just way left off at 30. We've seen the truth demonstrated again and again. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety when the short time is bad as ever. Now if we're planning to stop drinking there must be no reservation of any kind nor any lurking notion that someday we'll be immune to alcohol. We know the truth to be this. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic We've never seen one single case where one of us could go back and learn how to drink successfully I don't believe anything different than that It's to believe something that's untrue or to believe a lie Now, this man of 30, was his real problem the fact that he has a physical allergy to alcohol? No, but he has the form of insanity that tells him it's okay to drink alcohol after 25 years of sobriety. The real problem centers in the mind telling us we can drink rather than the body that ensures we can't drink. That's one example. Let's go over to page 34, second paragraph. For those who are unable to drink moderately, the question is how to stop altogether. We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. Whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever, yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it, this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish. How then shall we help our readers determine to their own satisfaction whether they are one of us? The experiment of quitting for a period of time will be helpful, but we think we can render an even greater service to alcoholic sufferers and perhaps to the medical fraternity. So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem. Now remember always just before we relapse in the drinking there's no alcohol in the mind. Stoned, cold, sober. What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the desperate experiment of the first drink? Friends who reason with him after a spree which brought him to the point of divorce or bankruptcy are mystified when he walks directly into a saloon. Why does he? Of what is he thinking? Our first example is a friend we shall call Jim. Joe loves Jim. Oh, I love Jim. He gets a little screwed up with him once in a while. Let's see what he can do with him today. Everybody likes old Jim. our first example is a friend we shall call jim this man has a charming wife and family he inherited a lucrative automobile agency he had a commendable world war record he's a good salesman everybody likes him typical alcoholic everybody likes old you and he's an intelligent man and normal so far as we can see oh except for a nervous disposition he did no drinking until he was 35 in a few years he became so violent when intoxicated that they had to be committed on leaving the treatment center, excuse me, on leaving the asylum. Well, same thing. He came into contact with us. Now we told him what we knew about alcoholism. They told him about step one. And the answer we had found. They taught him about step two. And he made a beginning. He made a begining. We're going to find out a little later on that step three is but a beginning. So apparently Jim took steps one, two and three. Immediately things began to get better for him lots of good things happened his family was reassembled he began to work as a salesman for a business he'd lost through drinking and all went well for a time but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life we're going to find out a little later on the only way we can enlarge on step three is through four five six seven eight nine ten and eleven jim didn't do any of those one two three that's all he did like a ball game one two ??? and you're out now to his consternation he found himself drunk a half a dozen times in rapid succession On each of these occasions, we work with him, reviewing carefully what had happened. These are good AA members. Jim got drunk six times in a row, and each time they went over there, carefully working with him reviewing what had happen to him. You get drunk six time in a roll today, they probably not going to have anything to do with you. But these were good AA Members really working with Jim and working hard. So he agreed he was a real alcoholic and in serious condition. He knew he'd face another trip to the treatment center if he kept on. Moreover, he would lose his family for whom he had deep affection. Yet he got drunk again. And we asked him to tell us exactly how it happened. I'm getting a little tired of Jim now. They said, my God, Jim, this is seven times in a row. Let's don't go through this anymore. Sit down here and tell us just exactly how this happened this time. So we're going to look into the mind of Jim. Now, and we're gonna see what he was saying. And they won't see where he went insane. This is his story. I came to work on Tuesday morning. We read this book for years before we saw that. I came into work on Thursday morning. Where was he all day Monday? I mean, honestly, bad about Monday. Bad about Monday, yeah. But he came to working on Tuesday. We're going to look in Jim's mind now and where he went from normal to abnormal or from sane to insane thinking. He said, I remember I felt irritated. I had to be a salesman for a concern I once owned. I don't think that's insanity. Probably everybody in this room that had to be a Salesman for Concern they Once Owned would probably be a little bit irritated by that fact. I think that is normal thinking. He said, I had a few words with the boss but nothing serious. The boss probably said, say Jim, by the way where were you all day yesterday at the end? Nothing real bad just enough to irritate him. He got a little restless and a little irritated didn't he? He said then I decided to drive into the country and see one of my prospects That's for a car. So apparently this guy is a car salesman. He wants to get away from the shop a while. He's a little bit irritated with the boss. We're going to drive out in the country, see somebody we already know to try to sell a car to them. Normal, same thinking for an alcoholic car salesmen. On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. I had no intention of drinking. I just thought I'd get a sandwich. What's more normal than if you're hungry, you want to stop in somewhere and get something to eat? The fact that they've got a bar in this place is beside the point. We have no intention of drinking. We're hungry. We're all going to get something to eat. Normal, sane thinking for an alcoholic car salesman. He said, I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar. Well, I've been going to it for years. I'd eaten there many times during the months I was sober. This is nothing new. We've been in this place many times before. We're going to go in there and get a sandwich, and we might sell a car while we're in there. Normal, same thinking for a alcoholic car sale. He said, I sat down at a table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. What's more normal than if you're hungry to sit down at the table and order a sandwich with a glass or milk? Still no thought of it. Normal, sane thinking. Still no though of drinking. I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass of milf. Now, if you hungry enough, there's nothing wrong with two sandwiches and two glasses of milk unless you're a member of Over Ears Anonymous. You better look at it pretty close. But for an alcoholic car sale, my normal, sane thinking, two sandwiches, two glasses of milk and now the italic now comes the squiggly writing he said suddenly that means right now suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if i would put an ounce of whiskey in my milk it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach now that's absolute insanity for him to believe he can take whiskey mix it with milk and it won't hurt him on the full stomach. Now based on the insane idea he makes a decision and takes some action he said i ordered whiskey imported into the milk and I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart. I felt reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. Now we've got it in ourselves the phenomenon of craving develops we can't stop now. The experiment went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. That didn't seem to bother me so I tried another and every time he did that he was ruining two drinks ruining the whiskey and ruining the milk putting them together. Let's start one more journey to the treatment center for Jim. It was the threat of commitments, the loss of family and position. To say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. Now he had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk. Now whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. How can such a lack of proportion of the ability to think straight be called anything else? And if you're looking for a definition of insanity, there it is. The lack of a portion of the building to think state be called anything else. Is Jim's real problem the fact that he has a physical allergy to alcohol and that he has a form of insanity? Thanks for listening.