The 12 Steps and the Medicine Wheel – 4 Seasons Workshop – Part 1 of 8 – Don

My name is Don Coyas, and I'm from the Mohican Nation. And I'm form the coyote clan on my father's side and the turtle clan on mother's side. In our culture whenever you introduce yourself that's who you're supposed to say. Always tie yourself to your people. But my name is Don C. I'm an alcoholic. So I'm really honored to be here and to talk about some of things, some experiences about the steps. And maybe I'll tell you this joke I heard the other day first is I was told up in South Dakota by the reservation there, there's this one road that travels, they said, right along the border and on a reservation. so it's white land on one side, reservation land on the other side. And they say there's a little town there and when the cars come through there they have to slow down for that town so when the car slows down then those dogs start chasing those cars. On one side of that road are Indian dogs. That's where they stay. And the other Side of that Road is those white dogs and so when those cars slow down like that they said those Indian dogs when they go chasing that car they go and they just bark like that you know and the car goes behind but on the other side of the road where the white dogs are when they chase that car they go so then after a little while they would chase these cars these Indian dogs these other dogs bow wow, bow wow. So finally there's white dogs they come to this Indian dogs and they said you know you why what are you Indian dogs doing? They say you make so much noise and stuff now. Indian dogs they said well that's that's just the way Indians are we have when we do something it's all out you know that's why we do that. So there's White Dogs they said that's not how you're supposed to be He says, you're supposed to go bow-wow, bow-ow, bow wow. And those Indian dogs said, well I don't know. So the white dogs kept talking and finally the Indian dogs they said, we'll try that. So they went back to that place and they were waiting there for a long time and a priest in his car came along and slowed down like that so all they went behind that car was the Indian dog. They were going bow-wow, bow-Wow, bow Wow, bow WOW. and when that car took off those Indian dogs they stopped and they looked at one another and they went A so we'll do that with Bow Wow Bow Wow way couldn't you see those dogs doing it yeah when you look at the 12 steps I think right now is a very strong time in Indian communities. And I think contrary to how we look at or have looked at things, I think there's a great healing starting to occur among our people. And in 1991, we met with some elders from the Four Directions. So we had about 40 elders. They were from north tribes, east tribes, south tribes, west tribes. And so we brought these elders together and what we asked them to do was spend some time with us, just talking to us about things. And so in that four-day conference, they talked to us about the earth and about the environment. But they talked with us about communities, about being Indian men, about being Indian women, things like that, about relationships. They talked about sex, about raising children, everything for four days. And one of the things they did talk to us about, they told us some things about prophecies. And I think for us, the prophecies is very important. They have been told, stories told over the years. And there's a prophecy they said that the Indian people, they said, would spend a long time in a real cold winter time of life, a real tough time, a time of turmoil and confusion. And there's a prophecy that said that when the sun would get black in the seventh moon, that would be significant that the wintertime is over, that period of time would be over. And then we as Indian people, we'd enter into a new springtime, a new time for us as a people. and uh if you remember maybe in um that july of 1991 there was a big solar eclipse so we had just accidentally met just about a week and a half after that solar eclipse so we didn't know these things until they told us that so they said that that eclipse was very significant in that, um, that that meant we are now entering a new time. It's a new time for us as Indian people. Then they went on to say, they said, uh, for that next 12 moons, they stood at a great stirring that the Creator was going to cause a great stirring to take place. He was going stir it up. In that, in that time of that great stirring, he said, um... The elders, they They said that there was going to be gifts is going to given out to the people that we have not used before. And they said that during this time of the stirring, there was gonna be a selection of people to help heal all the communities, all the nations. So they said for the next 12 moons, they said these people selected, they would go through a real mixed-up time for themselves. And like a real evaluation time, kind of. Even that they would think that they were crazy. Like they might have their jobs and be in place doing, you know, have everything in order, but then all of a sudden, you know how you've got your rug of life and you have your careers and cars and everything, you Know? They said it would be like for certain people that he would come and something would grab the edge of that rug and it would just kind of upset everything so you'd think you were crazy, really mixed up. And they said that those people selected that they would go through a real personal time, like they would have to go through a healing time that they wouldn't need to... Even their secrets couldn't stay secrets no more. They said they would all surface, they would come up. They would arise. And then they said that these healers, they would know something was going on. You know how sometimes you have like this urge? You just kind of know. You just kinda know you gotta go do something. Like in our tribe there's these teachings called Teachings of the Warrior. And what it says is that everybody is a warrior. that's not like a battle name on television. That's a spiritual being name. And in that teaching it says that every warrior has a song written in their heart and that song must be sung before you die or your soul forever remains restless. And that sometimes we have to go through life school like that. That doesn't mean just like high school, university. It means life school. And many of us know about that darn life school pretty tough roads and at the time we think that that's all bad but maybe we just have to do that because now we got other things to do we need that experience now we have to go back and help the people but we'd never be believable unless we went and tested all those things that we needed to learn and so they said that what would happen is that a great healing would start to occur among our people. And they said a long time ago, they said the Creator came to a place called Turtle Island and he said to the people, I'm going to divide you into four directions, he said, to a red direction, yellow direction, black direction and a white direction. And he said to each of those directions, I'm gonna give you each a certain accountability. There's some things you have to know. And so to the red direction, he said, To you, you are the keepers of the earth. That you have to go through the cycles of time and learn all the things about the earth, about land and about plants and about how everything is connected. And you're going to be given that knowledge through those times because a day will come when you haveto come and tell people those things that you know. Into the yellow direction or the yellow race, he made them to be keepers of the air. So they were to learn about breathing and about breath and all of that. And to the black direction he gave them the responsibility to bekeepers of the sacred water. They were to know how to learn all those things about the water. And to white direction he said you are the keepers of the fire. So sometimes in that direction we think about like the light bulb. You know those guys they know everything they do has got like the car, the combustion engine has got that firepower in the middle. And they said that what the Creator said was that the day would come, he called it the coming together time, that when the springtime would arrive then we would all need to come together and sit in a circle and that we would need to start sharing this knowledge and this wisdom that each one has because everybody is going to know something about this healing part. Everybody has a part in that. And we, Hawaii Bison, we work in a lot of different native communities around the country, and we are starting to see wherever we go, we are seeing that the healing is starting to occur among our people. There's even people coming home by, you know, they get discontent where they are and they're coming home to help and make a difference. We're seeing it all over the place that these circles are starting to gather. So I just thought I would just share a little bit about that because I think that when they have like a first conference, Red Road Conference, that's very, very significant because that's a gathering of these circles is what's going to go and that we don't need to be so concerned about the numbers but who is supposed to be here is exactly who is suppose to be there and that this is good get it going, get a seed going do it again, do it again and make a place for the native people to come so is there any questions on that, those prophecies but it's a very good time for us in terms of these prophecies also then And what we'd like to talk about is a little bit about the steps. When I come into AA, my sobriety birth date is August 10th, 1978. And I had a hard time coming into AA at first. It didn't make no sense to me, but I kept coming back and going drinking again and coming back in going drinking agai and finally I guess I drank what I was supposed to drink you know and I guess it's because of alcohol I kept coming back it wasn't for anything else but on my journey to get here I lost like some others everything I lost family respect all of those things went But I always had a hard time, you know, even like with a big book. They say the instructions are in that book and I would look for those instructions and I could never, you Know, ever see them. I couldn't figure out, You know, what they were talking about. So I managed to get a sponsor and that sponsor helped a lot. and so as I got sober for a couple years even though I was sober for a couple of years, I always felt something was missing there was just something not right but then I was kind of used to that anyway so it wasn't like it was a surprise so then as things progressed I happened to run into one of our elders who also is in recovery. And it was then he said, you have to go back to the culture. He says, you never know who you are unless you go back to that culture because I had left it even though I was raised by my grandfather and stuff. And it was done in a good way. So then I went back there and started to look at the culture, then I started to see that the program and the steps, they were, the culture in the program, it was kind of the same thing but just said different ways. And I'll just make this remark because, and maybe someday I'll change my mind, but you know, I'll say kind of what I see right now, and not everybody agrees with this, but that's okay too. But when I look at myself as an Indian person in recovery, and then talking to some other people, what I found out was, and I'm saying this with the highest respect that I can say, I always respect the AA. It's the best program for the alcoholics that's on the whole earth. But one of the things, I think there's a thing in a big book it talks about that sometimes maybe the creator will reveal more when we're ready. So one thing I like about that big book, it doesn't say you have to do nothing. I guess that's why it was attractive to me because I didn't like have-tos but suggested steps and And it's got a real good way of not saying certain things, you know, like at first. But in a way what I found out was when you look at the design of how the program got designed and everything, it was kind of designed by like white class, white middle class males. and I'm saying this with respect I want to say that but like when I come to meetings or they say work these steps in my mind wasn't the things I couldn't hook into what they were saying a lot of times you know about titanics and all this other stuff I had a hard time looking at that and so what I started to see was that when you add some of the culture to it then all of a sudden it would start to make more sense to me so it's the same thing about looking at it kind of a different way I think sometimes I see women struggle because a lot of that steps is written like about power and ego and you know really strong control things and uh where I was raised I wasn't raised to think like a lot that way so when I was looking on manageability and stuff you know I couldn't quite grasp that So what we want to share today is maybe just a combination of all of that stuff, my experiences with that, and maybe looking at it from an Indian way, to look at it that way. So one of the things I found is when we look at the steps, kind of how Indian people look at things is in a circle. We know that the creator made a way, and everything, they say, travels in a circle. The earth is round, the sun goes around, the moon goes around. You have seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter. You have cycle of life, baby, youth, adult, elder. Everything goes in a cycle. So when we started to look at the steps in using that circle, what we found out that you could do the same thing but do it just in a different way. So it's just like the circle. It's sort of like looking at the earth, If the sun rises in the east, it sets in the west. Then there's that when the sun is up during the day, that's the growing time. And then in the north is like the winter where old man winter and the wisdom is. So as we started to look at this, we found out if we put steps one, two, and three in the East, that is like that direction of the sun, then those steps, that direction when you face that, that new light, you know, new life, well, to that direction, that is about finding God or the Creator or Great Spirit, higher power. So that's steps one, two, and three is in the east and that's about finding a relationship with the Creator. Then steps four, five, and six that's in the south and that' s a direction about finding a relationship with yourself. So then even like we found as we share a little bit later when we work the steps when you do the work on them you face that way. You work steps one, two, and three. Whenever you sit at the table or wherever you are, you face in the east because there's powers that we all know come from that. Then when you turn to the south, that's steps four, five, and six. That's about finding yourself, a relationship with you, the inventory steps. And then step seven, eight, nine, that is in the west. That's that forgiveness direction, like the sun going over the horizon, the letting go, that direction. And that is about finding a relationship with others. That's where you establish a relationship with your brothers and sisters. And then steps 10, 11, and 12, that's in the north. And that's that direction of the elders. That's Where the Wisdom in that Direction Comes. So we started to see that when we looked at that going in a circle, then you'd see it's not like a straight line You go down the page and then you say, well, what? And I think the other thing that used to baffle me at first when I got a sponsor and I got into steps, it's like they just say, the steps are in order. Do step one. Well, what does these other things mean? Don't worry about that. Do step 1. You'll know. Go to meetings. Do all that. And they'd listen. And so I always looked forward to the steps with fear. I just, inside of myself was a resistance. It's like, you know, you knew what God is. He says, turn your life over to this character. You know, I don't understand that. Why would I want to do that? That doesn't, see. So it was always like a resistance and it always baffled me that it seemed tone was to work the steps through fear. and a lot of that was just my own tapes you know like when I was in the boarding schools or the mission schools it was always like they always painted a picture of like they would teach you about God or whatever so see like one of the ways they'd always do like some of the teachers or parochial schools or whatever it was almost like they'd paint a picture of hell that's how they motivated you to seek God so they'd say you ever been burnt by a match or a fire and you go yeah I have well your whole body is going to burn all over just blisters you're going to be away forever then they would say things like you ever have been thirsty out in the woods all day no water, I'd say yeah ain't no water in hell your tongue gets bligged and your body is all going to get blistered now you want to see God and you say well yeah I do right so it was like you always had like the flames of hell licking your ass you see to see god and so there's always this resistance you know but kind of the way you know that i that i grew up it wasn't a positive experience i didn't see god because it was good or like the culture was always the flames the hell see kind of licking their way there and so there's also resistance you knows to these steps even though when i come in i was ready you see, to do them. But then as I saw later on, there's other ways to look at things. And the elders, they tell us, they say there's always two points of view of the world. They say one point of view of the word is a point of vue of the mouse. The mouse, you see. So the mouse gets up in the morning and all the grass is bigger than the mouse, every rock is big, every gully is, everything is an obstacle. So that mouse goes along, see. Oh my God, ain't this awful? Oh, look at this. The grass is tall. Look at the rock. Oh, there's a big valley. Oh, it's just not going to make it. It's going to be a real bad day. Well, at the same time, there is a point of view of the eagle. So the eagle is flying up there looking at the same thing the mouse is looking at. And it's looking down at that mouse and says, Mouse, why are you so worried? Lighten up, mouse, you know. Don't take it so serious. So there's also two points of view, you see, for everything. And so we want to kind of Spend some time looking at things from two points of view. Now, looking also about the steps is we found this in what always makes me comfortable. Indians always learn the best when they know the whole first. Show that big picture first, and then you can go work the parts. but if you just show a little part and you can't see the whole then you tend to want to resist so I used to wonder why is there always you hear people say I'm stuck in this step I'm afraid of this one I can't do this inventory is negative it's always like and I says it seems strange to me that the Creator would give a program to recovering people and then make it a fear program. I said, it doesn't make sense that he would do that. Maybe there's another point of view. Maybe that's a point of vue of the mouse. Maybe there is another point of view of how to look at this. Is it possible to come in and work the steps and look forward to them? That you anticipate doing the next one instead of looking at the resistance of it all. So as we continue to go back to the culture and learn some of those things, I found that there was other ways to look at the steps in their recovery and to look from a native point of view just started to really make sense to me. See, I'm not afraid of the steps at all today. There are places in there where things go on but I always look forward to making that change. so what we'll be using a lot this morning is we will be talking about these steps from a medicine wheel point of view the circle point of you so pretty much it's like Sam read we'll be looking at some of the prophecies some of them as well as a cycle of life and in doing that with sharing some information that allow one to look forward to working those steps. And then we'll look at an overview of the steps and then we will spend primarily the late morning and the afternoon doing a lot of workshops. Also for those, we will try to take breaks every 45 minutes. I believe in taking frequent breaks. So I'm not going to be sitting here. If there are any questions as we go through this, please feel free to just raise your hand or whatever is your customary way of signifying that you have a question to ask. Derek, could you hand out those workbooks too? Also, we'll give you a workbook and then we'll explain that, kind of go through that workbook so we're kind of familiar with that also. but in looking at um at these steps uh what i want to kind of do is tell you a story about something that happened to me when i was four years sober because it's very important i think for us to locate when i come into our recovery um i i had lost everything and was in debt and lots of things like that and I managed to get sober going to AA and getting a sponsor eventually so over the next as I come in the first year was crazy as heck and then you know the second year and then by anyway by time you know three years or so it was sort of like I did have a rug again and there was some sanity on that rug. I had a, you know, a res car with some good tires and I wasn't moving every month or playing those games and paying my bills, getting responsible again. And so it was going pretty good by the time I was getting three, three and a half years sober. But then what happened was I had about, I must have been about four years sober. And all of a sudden, it was just like somebody took that rug again and just upset it all. I was in trouble at work. I wasn't in trouble in my relationship. I hated going to meetings. I sat in meetings and they just stunk. My sponsor got stupid. This book, I had read every damn thing in it and I didn't want to see this crap again. I didn' t want to pray. I couldn't work steps. I didn't want to work them and I wanted to run. See, I was having a hard time and I really didn't wanna go to meetings. So after a while, I thought, you know, I better go see somebody. So I went to see this one elder in Denver that I used to go see a lot and so always by the time I see him, then I'm just really scattered and just rambling all over the place. So when I go see him, he sits in a backyard. He'll grab a chunk of wood and he'll whittle with his knife, you know, waiting for me to get done. Just shakes his head like that. And so I got through all what I had to get through. And, um, so then finally he said to me, he said, well, how long are you sober now? Exactly. I said, Well, four years and I think it was like a week. And he says, well he says you're right on schedule. And You know how you hate to hear that when they say things like, you're right on schedule? But he told me, he said, I want to tell you something that not a lot of people know. It's to do with growing and do with cycles. See, everything, he says, grows in cycles. And we all participate in the cycle. Like geese, they know exactly when they're supposed to go this way, how long they're exposed to stay, and then they know exactly when to go back. And everything in the whole earth works by a system of order, that there is an order to everything. But he says very often we as a human being we think we're the exception. We always think we are the exception that everything else participates but not us. But he said I want to talk to you about the seasons of growing because this will really help you in the recovery. And he said that every human being, we participate in a four-year growth cycle. That we have one year of spring, one year summer, one years fall and then one year winter. There is a cycle that we grow through. So when we grow, it's like you don't grow like there is a there down there. when we go we travel like this spring summer fall winter we travel in a circle and every four years it takes to make that circle so i'll just talk about these seasons because i think it's it's really helps because have you ever noticed a lot of times how uh people seem to get in troubles cycles what years? 4 to 5, 7 to 8, 11 to 12, 15 to 16. Four year cycles. You see a lot of people will slip. 4 to 6, 7, 8. A lot of relationship troubles or divorces and stuff take place in sobriety cycles. So we're going to talk about these seasons but they're not to do with the seasons outside they're talking about seasons inside seasons so we'll look at some information about these and see if these seasons make sense these seasons of recovery and then I'll also talk to them about a little bit in terms of like groups because we have our groups or organizations whatever so I just kind of talk about both of those but mostly I'm to talk about personal growing so in a spring season in our organization you'll see these type of characteristics like when something first starts out even like how this conference started first one see a lot of hope a lot energy a lot excitement i wonder who's coming i wonder if they are going to show up so you have all these questions when you first start so at individual a level, you know how like an oak tree, see the oak tree standing out in the forest like that, nothing's going on? Then unknown to the oak tree, that sap, it starts to work its way up into kind of a form of life. It starts to work itsway up inside of that tree. But at first, the oak tree don't know it. So a lot of times we come into recovery at first, you'll notice other people will notice things before we notice them ourselves so it's like that oak tree is standing out there or our friends will come up and they'll say gee you look different what'd you do fix your hair different or not something nah same old way i've been wearing it for 10 years ain't nothing going on here see then a couple days later you'll see people will come out and they all say you get different clothes or something is this something about you seems to be different nah same ol' rag as i've always had see ain't nothin going on here then maybe a couple days later a week later or something they'll kind of kid you they say what did you do go snag a new man or something there's something different about you so the other people will notice a change going on but usually inside of ourselves we don't but that day comes when you get up and you walk into the mirror you know in a breakfast or whatever for uh in the bathroom and all of a sudden you look in your own eye and you know something's going on. You don't have any idea what it is, but you kind of know that it's going on. You're not sure, but you know. So it's like when you look in the mirror and you realize that, see then, what you do is you close the door so nobody's looking and you look at yourself really good in that mirror and then you say, is this like how an oak tree would bud? You get those little buds start to appear on its branches. that's when you notice you don't know what's going on but you're just kind of looking at a mirror and you say check myself out I think I'm budding so you just kindof know things are going on but you don' t know for sure and most people that get into recovery you kind of sense that so then you go through that first year if you take a look what happens to that oak tree all that really happens is those little buds they break open and things start to turn into young leaves and the leaves don't have shape yet. But over that first year, a shape starts to form. Little things start to, like attitudes. I start to believe this. I see hope. I get a car. I get an job. I keep it. I quit lying. I'm getting responsible. Just very, very slowly these little buds start to happen. So we go through that first gear and that's just the budding season. Then we come to the second season that's called the summer season. And it's during the summer seasons that those buds seem to just kind of solidify. They get the shape that they're supposed to be, and all of them do that. And if you step back and you look at that tree, that tree kind of has a shape. Not like it was shaped in the spring, but it kind of had a shape of how that tree is going to be you see for that season. So at an individual level, it's sort of like things just kind of solidified. You get a job, and you keep it. a few bucks extra in the checkbook or whatever, and you do the check book and you balance it. It's kind of like responsible things. You tell somebody you're going to be there to make coffee, you get there. You say you're gonna be here, you usually do. If you don't, you call. But you start to get some kind of sense of responsibility. So during that second year as just kind of a smoothing out place, it just kindof smooths out. So you hear people say, well, that first year was just crazy and heck, now the work begins and you know there's all these little different sayings that we have so then we come to the end of that second season or that second year and it's kind of comfortable for the most part it's very comfortable then we think it can't get any better than this but then lo and behold the next season approaches so the oak tree is standing out there with all its green leaves and all of a sudden it starts to notice it's turning yellow and orange and there's fruits and harvest and nuts and So it's like that third year is usually we talk about, like, I'm in the groove. You know, sometimes it's like you can't do anything wrong. Just things start to really fall in place, you know, during that third-year sobriety, and you really, you know... Things line up. Relationships and all that stuff, they just really line up So in organizations, you'll see those types of characteristics. Even in AA groups or meetings when they form third year usually, things are just really in order and see everything is happy. See that oak tree standing out there during its third season and it's just saying they have little things like you'll hear if it's not broke, don't fix it. In other words, don't touch anything. I want it to stay this way forever. This is good. I have arrived in sobriety. Some people said it was going to take ten years. I did it in three. See, look at how my life is. But you see the oak tree is standing out there and then one day the temperature changes just a little bit and this gust of wind comes along and it blows most of the leaves away. So it's the approach, you see, of that winter season. But the oak trees are saying, no problem, the kid's tough here. So I lose a few leaves, see, not a big deal. So about a week later, the temperature changed just a bit bit, and whoosh, the oak tree loses more leaves. And the oak tree is standing out there wondering, what the heck is going on? But he's still saying, I can maintain. See, I kind of got it together. So then a few more weeks go along. The few remaining leaves that's hanging on the branches of the oak tree, the wind blows those away too. So in a few more days, the Oak Tree all of a sudden starts to say, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Something's not right here. And it starts to look at the forest and it sees the forest looks dead. Just a little while before it was colorful and everything was together or it looked like at work. You say work sucks. It used to be fun to work here but it's not fun to walk here anymore. So it starts doing an examination of its rug of life and it looks at the relationship and it says you know this relationship used to be fun we used to do things like he just sits on the tv watches what we didn't do nothing together and it's not that great either besides you know it's just like rut time and you kind of look at yourself in the mirror you know some mornings like during the beginning of winter season you go you know you start to not to be able to stand yourself and then you have a you just start to like something's wrong but you don't know what it is you just sense like i must have done something wrong but you see then you go to meetings and you find out meetings suck too Jesus I mean this makes no sense you know I'm supposed to go to these meetings to get something and that guy there talked 23 minutes he didn't say anything God wouldn't judge this one and that one did this I can't stand those meetings see you call up your sponsor and his a space case or she's a spacecase they make no sense you try to read the big book can't read the big book try to pray You don't feel like praying, not really. You know it's just lip service. Besides that, it doesn't work. So you see, it's during that winter season, you kind of have withdrawal. You kind of want to be alone. You just, all of a sudden, something seems to not be right. Now there's a wintertime prayer and it goes something like this. We say one morning, we say to the creator, we say, you know, I know in a big book it says i'm not supposed to pray for myself but in case you're making an exception i have a little list i had been thinking about so here goes in case your listening so i'll put these in a priority in the order of which i would like them granted just in case you were willing to make an exception one i would like a cabin in the mountains two i want to go there by myself like yeah man I know you know I love him I know it doesn't look like lately that I do but I really do but i don't want him along see the kids let him keep them these kids are just driving me nuts you know i just can't i can't stand this i'll take the dog i take a bunch of books to read i'll make a big pot of a chicken noodle soup with an infinite supply of fried bread I take no television. No television, but I want to go there by myself. I don't want nobody to know where I am. I just want to be alone. So in that winter season, it's a season of withdrawal. That's good. We're supposed to. It's a time of reflection. Now people will do a lot of dumb things during winter season if they don't know about winter. A lot of times you'll see it's called burnout at work. It's time to move on. See, Bruno, what happens? Three to four. See? It's Time to Move On. It used to be fun. Look, these managers here, they just got everything all screwed up. If they just left it alone, it would have been good, but they had to go mess with it. Now everybody's fighting. It's not fun to work here anymore. So when you look at the relationship and you just drive you nuts, you don't want to participate in it and you feel guilty because you're thinking that way, but it just doesn't seem right. People will leave jobs they'll go take new jobs during the winter season so they'll go take a new job not necessarily because this job is really good because it will benefit them so they will take the new job to get the heck out of that one see so they leave for the wrong reason they move across country do things you see during that winter season many people will leave relationships that didn't need to have been left things could have been worked through years four to five the next season, years 7 to 8 11 to 12 15 to 16 many people slip in sobriety years 4 to 5 7 to 18 11 to12 because of that winter season see they do dumb things because all of a sudden it seems like something is wrong but nothing is wrong because you see during the winter season there are three questions that we lose the answer to. There's three questions that we get the answer to when we first go into our spring season. Like in Indian cultures, our ceremonies, our dances. Those culture things that we do are always about putting us in touch with the answer to three questions. And if I know the answer to these three questions, I can pretty much take life on its terms if I'm not If I know the answers to why am I? See, what is my purpose? Who am I? What is my identity? And where am I going that I know a direction? So in my mind will always feel comfortable, grounded, centered if I know the answer to those three questions. Why am I, who am I and where am i going? But if I lose the answer to one or more of those three questions then I start to appear to be lost. Crazy, insane, if I don't know why I am, if I dont know who I am anymore see now I think it's important for us to know that during a fourth year like during the fourth year you work a set of steps different than you do the first three right you always work in harmony with the season now like how do you season that you're in well you see so you know am i in spring am I in fall of mine summer of what? It's kind of easy. One way is tomorrow morning when you get up, get a cup of coffee or tea or whatever, and you just sit and think, when was the last time that my life really turned to crap? When did it really go to hell? So if it was two years ago, then that's winter. So if its now, then I'm in spring, or I'm in summer, you see. But very often you'll see that these seasons of sobriety are right in sync with when you first came into a program. That starts out your season, when we come into recovery. And these seasons are not necessarily in harmony with the seasons outside. They're in harmony With seasons in here. So it could be winter outside, and you could be in your spring, your personal springtime of growth. Now you take being in a relationship. A relationship also will have a cycle of seasons. So every four years, typically a relationship will go through a type of a need for renewal. Because what happens when we look at how do grow, we grow, um, we go in circles. So we really grow in a direction like this. Like in a virtual ring. But what happens is say we go spring, summer, fall, winter. What happens is we transition to a new orbit. And this is why we appear to be nuts. You see, when we go along our first seasons and we get our leaves, what are our leaves? My new truths, my clarity, what I learned through praying. I know where to go in a big book. I know about acceptance. If this goes wrong, you see, read 449. Sponsors tell us. We go there again and again and all of a sudden we know when this goes wrong, do this. We start to get it. See, when you get mad, instead of letting your lips move, zip your lips. So you go to the 11th step, pause, ask for the credit for the right thought or action. And when we don't let our lips move against other people, we start to getting along with them. It's like we started to get that, but the other way was let the lips move first. So we start too, see these leaves are these little techniques and these skills that I have learned. And we build this tree of who I am now. Then we develop our way of kind of getting along in life. But what happens is the creator causes a shift to take place in the unseen world. We shift. So now we're traveling at a different momentum, see a different speed, lights. But at the very center of my being, in the center of the atom system, I'm connected. In the very middle of everything See, I'm connected. So let's say we put you under that microscope. Focus down, down, down, down, down, say Jerry. Then we would see that you are, you couldn't tell me from you at that level. This is the system of atoms that makes up a human being. But the very center of your system, we are connected like this. At that very center. Now, when we talk about this interconnected system, so that means then, you are connected to everyone here in that same way we're connected to every plant every rock, every tree every bird, every insect because they're made of the same things but the electrons change. But at the center of all things we're connecting but then we say well so what? You know like big deal now have you ever noticed how you can tell when you're not liked? Ah, yeah. See. Have you ever noticed how you can tell when you're not wanted? Have you ever noticed how you can't tell when somebody thinks you're dumber than dirt? Have you ever gone into a store as an Indian person and you know you're being watched? I mean they're really cool. They watch you in that mirror. And you know that they think you're going to go take something. You ever watch that? See? Now, why is that? You see, if my thinking is in harmony with those principle laws and values, where they are is at the very center. That's where they're located. So if my speaking is in harmony, because we're connected, you'll be able to sense that. But if they're out of harmony, you will sense that too. Now, it's not the words that makes it so. There's something else how we can tell. See, if it was the words that made it so, I would be able to say, I love you. And it'd be so. But let's suppose I said that to you five minutes to one Saturday night in the country and western bar just before it closed. Right? Well, see. So if I say,I love you, true love. Haven't we met before? See, we've been together another lifetime. Right? Whatever it is. See? You look like someone I know, don't you? See? So if I have, just using the words, but my intent is something else. See, so she might say, what is he after? So if I'm out of spirit and intent, because we're connected in the unseen world, you will always pick up spirit and intent. See, if it's in harmony, you will sense it, but if it is out of harmony,you will sense that too. So if somebody doesn't like Indian people, even though they say, Oh, see. Do you know this? I know this one Indian who lives in South Dakota. Do you known him? And they'll give you their name. You know how they do that? See, some of my best friends are Indians. But if they are speaking out of spirit and intent, then you will be able to sense that. See. Or if you are speaking out of the spirit and intention, someone will be ableto sense that So a lot of the things we are looking at in the steps is to do with looking at also the unseen world. Where have I been out of spirit and intent? Because if I think that I can see, sometimes they call it sweet lips training. You know where I got the stuff and I'm walking around trying to be cool and trying to be not who I am and all this stuff. Other people will pick up on that because I'm out of spirit and intent they will just sense that so very often I have lived out of spirit and intent for a long time when I'm drinking and then the certain results I get from living out of harmony see that's the other road so the steps is about finding out where that is and letting me come back so that I speak from that place of principles that the steps talks about. We live this principle way of life, so it means I come back to that road and I have to start looking at, designing in my mind a way of living in harmony with the unseen world. But very often we're under the delusion I can get away with it if I got good words, but we cannot. Not in relationships, not to one another. See, what step you want? You see that? No, you didn't take about three weeks to get in a program. The best place to hide is, say, step four. Especially the old timers come around. What step are you on? Four. They leave you alone. Or they'll come and say, what step are we on? Well, I'm between step two and three. How do you get between step one and three? How do I get between two and two and step three? Well, you're a waltzer, right? One, two, three, one, two three, one, twos, three. see so it's about knowing ourselves and how that how do we work so we need to know the elder said it's interconnected you cannot get along with nothing you can think you can but you cannot that there is an unseen world in the unseen world where we're all connected you cannot hide but you will think that you can so it'S about getting right with that so as we start to look at the steps see, we look at the whole thing not just the piece everything that we do you see is a balance it's about harmony conflict is what will guide us to harmony conflict is going to be the friend in the step not an enemy because you experience a conflict see, many times in our religious training we are taught when there's conflict Like, you're wrong. That's a sin. You sinned. You know? And so when we grow, like the same elder I was talking to you about earlier when I was about two years sober, I went up to him and I said, I had just had it with growing. You know, working steps and praying, doing all this stuff because I said you know, I said try to walk this red road. Man, this is tough. You know. And he said, well, let me show you something. So he took a stick in his backyard and he drew a line on the ground like that. And he says, now I want you to walk on that stick, on that line, one foot behind the other. So I got on that lion like that and I started walking like this. And he was older, he'd walk right side of me like this, and all of a sudden he gave me a big push. And I go way off this side, he said get back on that lying. So I get back down there, he say walk. So I walk like that and then he pushed me this way and I go way off that line. Get back on that line! So I get back there, so he walked like that. So he just, seven, eight times he pushed me like that So then he said to me, he said when you are growing he said what he says is you are walking a red road, not a red line So he took that stick and he drew a line way on each side of where my footprints was He said that's how wide the red road is He says, you're trying to walk a red line. It's a red road. That the mistake is just as sacred as being on track. The mistake is just as secret. He says you need to respect your defects because it is through the defect that you learn the knowledge of the Great Spirit. That's where he talks to you. So he said don't be criticizing yourself when you make that mistake over there. Because that happens, it's not wrong, sin, guilt all that stuff you see you really there to look for the correction always looking for the correction so he said in a way lighten up that road that the creator made for us to walk the red road it's a big wide highway everything on that road is sacred that life and growing see the creator mad us to learn by trial and error everything he made learns you take a little baby learns to walk. When they get that age, they hold your fingers like that and they learn to walk, first thing they do is BAM! Right down on their butt they go. Make a mistake right away. Now you can imagine the adults, what we do to that little baby, we go, alright, you did it! See? That little kid just, you know, puts his fingers back up and gets back up, smashes his head to the left. Alright, you do it! To the right, back. Well all that time they're learning balance and learning all that stuff didn't see in about three four months and all of a sudden see just walking how do you learn to do that all by mistakes by trial and error and we respect that but that's how the creator made us to learn is by by going off track on track off track so we need to respect ourselves when we come into this and work in the steps is about