Clearing Your Side of the Street – Big Book – Tim – Workshop – Neptune, NJ – Part 15 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

Right into it, we've got a from me, Joey V. We're going to introduce, what's your name? Yep. Oh, Dave Wilson. Thank you. Dave Wilson is here. Thanks for coming out. Thank you for having me. Woo! Good evening, everyone. I'm going to be covered out at the Hall of Hall of Big Book 10. Did they have something to do with water this year? What's going on? I made the coffee next week. Ah, you got to bring them down to the coffee maker. All right. There you go. All right, so last week we left off at the bottom of 79, we're on top of 80. Just finished talking about the eight step. And there was something brought up in the discussion part of the meeting last week that I wanted to address. And it's a good point. You know, it's also about ruthless predators and I was talking about you know, kind of adding interest to the thing, you know the money that you borrowed and I Was specifically talking about people that you actually care about, you know, that are family members and friends that may have lent you money and you want to pay them back into the, the creditors, you know, creditors. It's important to note that, you know, they really don't want your money. They want their money because at this point it's their money. That's what they're coming after you for, their money, you know? And so, so it's important since you note that. You know, I wasn't in that frame of mind but I thought about it for a week and, uh, you You know, so it's important, you know, that that's what we're going to get into tonight. The nine step, the promises of that and 10 step 11, hopefully all this wonderful, miraculous things about to happen. But, you Know, it says that right on the top of page 80 says before taking drastic action, which might implicate other people, we secure their consent. If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, ask God to help. And the drastic step is indicating we must not shrink. So, again, that's pretty important. So, you know, if our finances are tied up with another human being, we can't just say, hey, listen, I've got to pay them $10,000 back and I'm taking it to you. You do what? We have rent to pay. So they need to be sensible about this kind of stuff. And it's important to have consulted with others. And, you known, at this point, it really means our sponsors and the person who's helping guide us through this process. You know, when the book was written, there wasn't as many options to do that. And it's important to note this too because that's kind of the loophole. It's another one of those AA loopholes that you find in the book, consulted with others. So generally what ends up happening is that you start polling people for the answer that you want, right? Like you call your sponsor and your sponsor tells you, oh, I don't know how to mark down answers, so let me call this one now. I mean, you know, ten calls later You finally get the answer And you're like, yeah, see Your old boss told me to do it It's like, wait a minute What did your sponsor tell you to do? Well, what did so-and-so tell you? What did so and so You know, and it becomes that So it's really important To not screw around And once again It goes back to Our original agreement Of willing to go to any length For victory over alcohol, right? So if we're screwing around And doing that stuff We still have reservations Because we still want what we want when we want it. We're going to run the show and, you know, and we pray for God's will for us but it's really my will for God that I want for me and he's going to do it. You know, it's all that. So it's important to do that, you Know. And notice Bill says drastic step because step 9 amends are drastic. They are drastic, they're setting right a wrong that we've done, right? And what I like about steps 8 and 9, you hear this in a lot of middle-of-the-road meetings and, you know, well-intentioned people. And you see it posted on social media sites, you know. Whatever people think of me is none of my business. Okay, well then don't do an eight and a nine step. Because that's exactly the point. The point of the eight and nine step is to clear our side of the street. We want other people to see that we're taking care of the wrongs that we've done. So if we don't care what other people think of us and it's none of our business, why would we bother making amends for anything? We just say, oh, you know, I screwed up and I was a jerk and I'll just move on with my life. You know, and it just kind of, that's like, it really doesn't make any sense, you know. So it's important because what we're doing is not a means to an end of like, look how good I'm doing. I made amends. I paid that bet. You know, it's none of that. However, it is the transformation that we are trying to achieve through the process and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous as an example to the world that it works. Okay? So if we are not doing this, the opinion of Alcoholic Anonymous to the World is going to be like, those people are just dry drunks. You know? They are not really... You know they just quit drinking and they are still doing the same thing. You know. They owe me $10,000 and they're not paying back. They didn't even bother asking me about paying back, you know. And so that is bigger than us individually, right, as a society. You know, like AA, we have a responsibility as members of Alcoholics Anonymous to be good members of AA because AA is bigger then us. You know our common welfare comes first and personal recovery depends on it. So if we're doing something that's damaging to AA, that's going to affect our own personal recovery. So it's important to consult somebody that you trust You know, I sponsor guys that have kids And so I don't have any kids So I can't really speak from a parenting point of view I can only speak from, you know, a child's point of views You know like how I would want to be treated in certain situations So what I do is in those situations, I have particular guys or women talk to another person who may have that same kind of situation that will understand apples to apples. Because I would just be an idiot if I'm telling you how to raise your kids when I don't have any. You know, that would just mean me spouting off. And, you know, people are looking for that kind of stuff. All right, so Bill goes on and he says, this brings to mind a story about one of our friends. While drinking, he accepted a sum of money from a bitterly hated business rival, giving him no receipt for it. He subsequently denied having received the money and used the incident as a basis for discrediting the man. He thus used his own wrongdoing as a means of destroying the reputation of another. In fact, his rival was ruined. He felt that he had done a wrong he could not possibly make right. At the ultimate old affair, he was afraid it would destroy the reputation of his partner, disgrace his family and take away his means of livelihood. what right had he had to involve those depending upon him how could he possibly make a public statement exonerating his rival now here's the instructions of what he did this is Dr. Bob that we're talking about right here after consulting with his wife and partner he came to the conclusion that it was better to take those risks than to stand before his creator guilty of such ruinous slander now the partner at the time was Bill That's who he was talking about. Yeah. Because it was presented in a way, like Dr. Bob, you know, he was a surgeon. He had his own practice. And he wasn't, you Know, he wasn' t in business with someone. So presenting it this way, You know, it was, Bill and Bob, You Know, although Bill, quote unquote, sponsored Bob, It became a sort of partnership that they had. they had a mutual respect for each other and they constantly talked Bob more so to Bill he kind of had to put his thumb on him a lot and of course he talked to his wife he saw he had to place the outcome in God's hands or he would soon start drinking again and all would be lost anyhow, he attended church for the first time in many years, after the sermon he quietly got up and made an explanation now I've been to church a lot of times you know, 14 years of Catholic school I've never heard anybody stand up after the sermon and do this okay I'm not saying it didn't happen I'm just saying that that's pretty miraculous for that to have gone on and once again it goes to my point okay, why do you need to do this at a sermon if what people think of you is none of your business I mean obviously it was important enough to be a part of a member of the community and show that this is what was going on right but then here it is his action met with widespread approval and today he is one of the most trusted citizens of his town this all happened years ago it's a wonderful story isn't it alright so chances are that we have domestic problems not AA perhaps we are See, now here's something cool right here. The semi-confession of Bill in print. Perhaps we are mixed up with women in a fashion we wouldn't care to have advertised. We doubt if, in this respect, alcoholics are fundamentally much worse than other people. So it's kind of like, well, you know, other people do too. But drinking does complicate sex relations in the home. not just the home by the way after a few years with an alcoholic a wife gets worn out, resentful and uncommunicative how could she be anything else? the husband begins to feel lonely sorry for himself he commences to look around in the nightclubs or their equivalent for something besides liquor perhaps he is having a secret an exciting affair with the quote the girl who understands unquote and I love this sentence isn't this great isn't it just like so flippant to me in fairness we must say that she may understand but what are we going to do about that what are you going to do about a thing like that so it's like you know it's almost justification there right like oh yeah she understands it's not really her fault a man so involved often feels very remorseful at times especially if he is married to a loyal and courageous girl who has literally gone through Elborn for proof see Lois Wilton's works in particularly Diary of Two Motorcycle Hobos you know I say that because it's part of our early writings in AA and it's Lois' diary of when they got on the motorcycle and in the sidecar and took off up and down the eastern seaboard some of the stories are you know and she wasn't a victim okay that's kind of important there too she was very much a willing participant in that relationship you know however she was the courageous girl who did go she was loyal and went through the rake so it's important there so it's almost like a confession and a you know a valentine to her written here you know, and for the benefit of us right? Or Bill really Alright, whatever the situation we usually have to do something about it If we are sure our wife does not know should we tell her? Not always we think If she knows in a general way that we've been wild should we talk to her? Should we tell here in detail? Undoubtedly we should admit our fault she may insist on knowing all the particulars she will want to know who the woman is and where she is we feel we ought to say that we have no right to involve another person we are sorry for what we have done and God willing it should not be repeated more than that we cannot do we have now we have a right to go further though there may be justifiable exceptions and though we wish to lay down no rule of any sort we have often found this the best course to take again this is really something that should be talked about between the sponsor and the person who's being sponsored so it can be sensible. You know, I've talked about this many times. We can't just go to an unsuspecting person or even somebody who suspects a little bit that's the woman I was with! We can'T do that, right? Because, you know, And then we go, oh, I feel so much better. I'm sure you do. Because there's the ego involved in that. On both men and women. I mean, I can tell you as a man, I get into that, who is he? I want to know. You almost have nothing to do with him. You know what I mean? It's like, okay, well, he's got a small part in it. He was a jerk for getting involved with somebody who was involved with someone else. But then it becomes like, okay, well, it was her choice to do that, right? To step out and not end this. And then it becomes like, here's a cool situation. I was with a woman 12 years ago. Wow, that long, huh? And she was in AA. So we were a very public couple in AA, imagine that, so everybody knew you know all that the second coming of Bill Wilson and it's evidenced by the introduction so she was having an emotional affair with somebody else in the rose and I was just in la la land, I had no idea because I wasn't suspecting it because I was locked in and there and she had less time than I did and I just thought alright she's going through growing pains and whatever I'm not going to be a jealous maniac I've met him I know him he's married no problem so fast forward little things just aren't making sense and I'm like what's going on here big hullabaloo and we have a big blowout and then you know and then it was like a faux reconciliation if you will two weeks had gone by and I miss you and oh I miss you and over again you know come on over and all the flowers again you know you've been there huh so I'm thinking okay great no problem we'll work it out bunch of crap that was because she didn't want anything to do with that so what ended up happening was that she started dating this guy during that stretch, during that two weeks that we were apart and that one night we got married I'm thinking what's going on here what was that because now I'm hopeful oh this is great and she's got everyone fooled she's either telling her sponsor oh no he and I are just friends we're just friends they call them with benefits now and so this is what was going on so now I'm like confused what's going on here I don't get it so you know somebody said to me oh dude they're together I went what how long has that been going on three weeks what are you talking about she was at my house Saturday well I didn't go there so now I'm like oh what she did to me you know like meanwhile you know I wasn't allowing myself to be wide open to it okay the relationship was done it was broken as evidenced by the big blowout we had we reached prior so being driven by self I didn't want it to be over I wanted it to we can do this. It's just a hiccup, just a bump in the road. You know, my parents had them all the time. You know they were called domestic violent fights. It's not what we had but nevertheless. So it becomes this thing of like where is the line? You know what I mean? Where is the lines run? Are we going to stop this relationship and then move on to the next one? like even if it's like what and like an hour later okay so the old one's done new one's beginning so it becomes like we have to be as my experience was I had to be very forthright with that relationship in my life allowing myself to understand that the relationship was over prior to the huge blowout and that I really just was hemming and hawing because she was unhappy, I was unhappy but it was like appearances you know what I mean you know we're together and we'll work through this and we're show everybody how you know all that crap but we showed everyone alright and so you know she moved on to that relationship and you know whatever you know she tried to make amends to me a couple years ago and I was receptive to it but you know it really wasn't it wasn't a settled amends you know I guess it was the best that she could do at the time, whatever. And I don't really wish her any ill will. You know, I just know she's a spiritually sick person and I forgave her for what she did the first time and then through the amends process I was able to ask her about, hey, did you take care of this? You know? And really try to be there and be helpful for it. And then, you know, because I had made amends like early on when it first happened after, you now. And basically, my men's was to stay with her. That was it. You know, not to run around AA and start slandering her and say, you know what she did to me? Because she didn't do anything to me. She was just doing it. And I happened to be a part of that. So it's kind of important to... Oh, and post-script to that. The guy that she was dating, the guy that I had a conversation with him a couple years after that. and I made amends to him. You know, what did you make amends to him for? Screwing your girlfriend. I'm like, because I wanted to kill him. Right? Because, you know, that anger and it became like I couldn't be free. I couldn'T be free walking on this planet thinking about somebody else having that much control and power in my life that really had nothing to do with my life. on a daily basis you know so so i had to make amends to him and apologize and say listen whatever he went on was that you know like but my part here is that you know i've been using you to keep myself sick for a few years to be angry to like really like shut myself down and not trust relationships and blaming it on someone like you like so i hope you know you could accept that And what happened was, is that as the result of that, he made amends to me right then. And said, yeah, I'm sorry, I was in a bad place. You know, I wasn't on medication. You know those medications that we're not supposed to have? And I wasn'T thinking right, I WASN'T thinking of you at all. And it just became this really nice reconciliation between two men in AA that were working programs. You know so that was really cool. So it became this thing of like, once again, as a result of going through the step process, God coming into my life and me being able to be free around this individual, around this human being, and not like have to duck because I feel something negative. So it's really kind of important for this stuff. So Bill goes on to say on A1 here, he says, Our design for living is not a one-way street. It is as good for the wife as it is for the husband. if we can forget so can she good luck on that one it is better however that one does not needlessly name a person upon whom she can vent jealousy perhaps there are some cases where the utmost frankness is demanded no outsider can appraise such an intimate situation, it may be that both decide that the way in good sense and loving kindness is to let bygones be bygnes each might pray about it having the other one's happiness uppermost in mind. Keep it always in sight that we are dealing with that most terrible emotion, jealousy. Good generalship may decide that the problem may be attacked on the flank rather than risk a face-to-face combat. Now, that's really important. Let bygones be bygone's part. You know, because what ends up happening in my experience in AA is that it becomes father for soap opera. and drama. Hey, did you hear what happened with Big Book Tim and her? Oh, what? Oh, wow. I can't wait to go to my home group and tell that one. You know, it just becomes that. Right? So, it's really important that the people involved in the process of the reconciliation and the amends, you know, don't put up a banner about it. you know what I mean that's really important because relationships and he talks about that jealousy jealousy in my experience is this anger towards another human being that did nothing to me that's what jealousy is and it's not good for me either it's driven by self remember my rant on the four-step about self, you know, that's the thing that's going to kill me quicker than anything else, is that selfishness that I have, that self-centeredness, that self-delusion. How could she do that to me? You know, and how could she do that for me? And oh my god, she's goingto do that in me, you know. It's all crap. So the on-the-flank is better than face-to-face, you know, because sometimes dissipation of a bad situation could be the best way alright just let it go it'll dissolve you know and then it'll be okay because if we're truly truly truly doing this deal right God's in charge of everything so giving it all to God and our higher power anyway so God's going to show us how to do it how we can deal with it emotionally mentally spiritually intellectually you know ecumenically modestly any adverb you want to throw in there and, uh, excuse me. So coming around the side is always a good thing, you know? Like, what can I do? Like, and for me a lot of times relationships it's always best for me to do nothing. That's the best way I can handle it. Like instead of a face-to-face conversation you know, oh, you don't know what you're doing you know. Of course they know what they did. They did it. and if they don't know it's really not my place to tell them you know, it's my place when I'm doing this this is great when I am making the approach right to confess my side of it and say and then open myself up to allow them to say all the crap things that I did to them right God, I just wish I knew one of those and uh you know when you say like tell me what I did to you and then just sit back and shut up right good luck you know because I don't know you know like that's a tough thing to do to say you know I know I know I did this this I know I did to you and you know and that's you know I'm sorry for that and which by the way you know I don' t want to really gloss over that it's really important on 81 where he says that's the guy right there yeah and being sorry about it right there it is we are sorry it says we are Sorry for what we have done we are SORRY for what we have DONE we are SORY for what we have DOEN right Because I've heard many times in meetings, people love to, I almost, I literally, I'm sure you can't believe this, right? I'm sitting in a meeting one time and somebody said, you know, nowhere in the big book does it say we say we're sorry. And it took every ounce of restraint that I had not to send one sailing across the room. I mean, I'm not joking about that. I was like, literally, I had one in my hand and I wasn't, like, how dare you? I think I just read that. How many times did I say it? Three times, right? We are sorry for what we have done because it's acknowledgement. It's acknowledgement of our wrongdoing. That's the first step of that. Now, I get it. You know, like if you were anything like me when you were drinking, you were sorry about everything because it was like, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm fine. I'm sure. You know? Because it was a lot of people and it was another way of saying shut up. I'm so sorry. Can you shut up? I'm not. Can you set up? Right? And you know that now. You know that today, like when people are in trouble and they really don't want to hear it, they say, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm going. I'm done. Sorry. Sorry. And my thing has always been, you're full of crap. You're not sorry because you keep doing it. Right? So I need to be aware of that. I can't be sorry about something if I'm planning on doing it again. You know? And most of the time, I know if I am going to do something again. Right? most of the time I do. If I'm doing this and I'm being aware of who I am, like, I know, like, I try, I try very much when I do this stuff not to use profanity because I just, for me, I just don't think the message is any more poignant if I throw some F-bombs in there, you know? Like, however, I, you know, I have the mouth of a sailor or a trucker, you know whatever or a nun, I don't know, whatever it is. Come on, that's funny. And so I know, like, I don't apologize for using it. You know what I mean? Because I know I'm going to do it again. I know i'm going curse again, so I'm not going to say, oh, I'm sorry for cursing, because I'm nuts. I'm that sorry. I'm gonna say it again, you know? So maybe if what I said offended you, I may be sorry for that. But, you now, the language is a tough thing for me. So that's some of my experience with that. Okay, so moving on. If we have no such complication, there is plenty we should do at home. There sure is, right? Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say, love this. You ready? This is wonderful. That the only thing he needs to do is keep sober. That's your job. You just need to keep sober All right. Certainly he must keep sober for there will be no home if he doesn't. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly treated or children or siblings or whoever else you're living with, right? Passing all understanding is the patience mothers and wives have with alcoholics. You know, that's a nice little sentiment there, isn't it? You know like, hey Lois, I know, I was a hero, thank you, you know, becomes that. But you know let's also remember that let's switch the genders around there too. Okay, because husbands and fathers and brothers and men have the patience also, right. And had this not been so many of us would have no homes today would perhaps be dead, right? You know, I have mixed emotions about that. I'm a big believer in everybody should hit the bottom. I'm-I'm a good believer in we need to remove pillows from under people's asses when they fall. Or else they just keep falling. They're not sorry. But they say, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I didn' t mean to d o that. Well, what did you mean? You didn' d mean to get drunk? You know, like, okay, well, what's going on there? What are you doing about that? If you didn't mean to do that, what are youdoing differently now? Well, I said I'm sorry. Well, that's not different, you know. So now here's a description. I love this description. Which doesn't describe me, by the way. I just like the description. The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. hearts are broken, sweet relationships are dead, affections have been uprooted selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil so you know he just said in the previous paragraph all he used to do was stay sober but that's wrong thinking right there he's about to repeat that we feel a man is unthinking when he says sobriety is enough. Unthinking. That's right, that's right. Okay, so once again there's more proof against my favorite expression don't drink and go to meetings. That's all you need to do is just don't go to the meetings. Well, no, that's unthinking if you think that's enough. Okay, and then here's another I love this description, you know. He's like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife he remarked Don't see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain't it grand the wind stopped blowing? None of us do that, right? You can laugh, it's okay. Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. I hope everyone's paying attention to that so that way when somebody says to them maybe that they're fortunate enough to be working with through this process, when they start complaining, where's it going to happen? Where's it gonna happen? I need, you know, it's like, okay, well there's a long period of reconstruction ahead. Well how long? How long? How long, how long, how long We must take the lead of remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fit the bill at all. We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the pet, as we now see it. Being very careful not to criticize them. Good luck. Right? Because what happens, right? You start saying, well, here's what I did and then it just becomes this overwhelming blasting, right. And then you're like, yo, well I did that because of you and then when I was five you know, just So it's kind of important to make sure you have a sponsor that's taking you through this process. It's just important, right their defects may be glaring but chances are that our own actions are partly responsible so we clean house with the family asking each morning in meditation that our creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindness and love so there's another instruction on how we're supposed to pray how we'RE supposed to listen to God come through our prayers with these sick people that I live with oh my god do they need God give me up show them some patience and tolerance and kindness and love right show them the spiritual life is not a theory we have to live it right unless one's family expresses a desire to live upon spiritual principles we think we ought not to urge them we should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters they will change in time our behavior will convince them more than our words we must remember that 10 or 20 years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out of anyone. Anybody experience that? Now that I'm sober, let me tell you how you should be spiritual. Yes, I know you've been going to church for 30 years, but they're wrong. I have this brand of spirituality that will solve yours, that will solve your problems. Well, their problem is you. So it's you know, and that sentence in the middle of the paragraph we should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters now I'm certainly guilty of that I've done that on occasion I still do that with the family but then, you know Bill says our behavior will convince them more than our words and that's been very true of me and my family you know my behavior has convinced my family that this is a real thing in my life that this is a part of who I am. You know, instead of like, you know, my family is very good at throwing parties. We like throwing parties There's always alcohol at the parties because, like, I'm the only one who doesn't drink and everyone drinks, you Know, because they're earth people and they drink That's how it works Oh, you're an alcoholic You're having sex Okay I don't do that anymore It's really nice that I have that you know so there's these people what a bore that would be if I'm the a-hole sitting there talking about God and spirituality during the 4th of July you know there's a better way I'll drink tonight you know so my behavior is always what you know brings up the conversation like hey man Tim you don't drink you don'T drink huh No, I don't drink. Why not? There's just not enough here. Wow, not bad, huh? No, that good. You know, so it just becomes... And I just don't focus on it anymore. Like, that's what this has given me. These promises that we're about to hear and embark have come true in my life. All is the result of this story, man. Okay. So then he makes a point of saying there may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don't worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would write them if we could. Some people cannot be seen. We send them an honest letter, and there may be a valid reason for postponement in some cases, but we don't delay if it can be avoided. Oh, here's some instruction. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate, and humble without being servile or scraping. Now, that's even more reason that we need to have a sponsor, because most of the time, none of us when we're newly sober have any idea what the definition of those words are. Sensible? I don't think I was sensible for over like 10 years. Right? And I certainly wasn't tactful and most of the time I'm still not tactful. Right? Okay? Considerate and humble. What's considerate is taking the feelings and thoughts of somebody else to heart. Well generally we don't do that when we are newly sober because we are just a wall of feelings and emotions I just want to feel better I just wanna feel better I have to say something, I wanna feel bigger okay, well why don't you be humble and allow God to provide that for you so that way we can be sensible and tactful like, you know, a wedding may not be a good time to go and make amends exactly oh dear okay but you know he makes a distinction here without being sure of our own scraping. That's important. Because then he says, as God's people, we stand on our feet. We don't crawl before anyone. And that's really important because people will try to beat us up with our past for the rest of our lives. 20 years, I'm sober almost 22 years and they're still talking about crap I did when I was drinking. And they bring it up. They bring up stuff from like 15 years ago. You remember when you did this? And I say, yeah. well I'm like well obviously you still remember huh so what's bothering you about this because I'm you know I'm pretty free of it I made my peace I made amends for that what is it that if there's something missing or would you like to just beat me up with it because if you just want to beat me up with it go to hell go away go by with somebody else right because I already did that I already took care of my stuff you know so then he says here this is important we're about to hear the nine step promises and he starts with if we are painstaking about this phase of our development and I've been talking about this the whole way through for 14 weeks I've be talking about how painful this process needs to be necessarily needs to be painful strenuous painful because here's what we're about to get as a result of it Because if we're doing that, we'll be amazed before we're halfway through. We're at nine. Step nine. So we'll Be Amazed by step four. Be Amased, right? We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. Not the same old one. Right? When I got here, you know, the new freedom for me, like my idea of freedom was I just want to be left alone. I just wanted people to stop bothering me. And stop yelling at me. Like, that would have been freedom to me. Right? And happiness, at that point, when I first quit drinking, happiness would have been able to sleep. Like, I was happy if I made it through a night sleeping. Like, that was happiness for me. But when I did this, oh my God, there were just so many things that, like a new freedom. Oh, wow. Because it talks about that in the fifth step. Remember the fifth set promises? That once we do that with holding nothing, will be able to look the world in the eye? It'll seem that our alcohol problem has been removed? Well, that's a new freedom. Right? That's new. Well, I don't know. That's impossible. Oh, this is wonderful. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. Because I don' t. I don''t regret my past. I promise you, those are honest words. I don't regret my past. And I don' t wish to shut the door on it. Okay? I don''t. Because there' s more promises as to why I want it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. I didn' t know serenite. I had no idea. On my ninth anniversary, I comprehended serenidade. There was something going on and there was just a peace and a soundness of mind and a feeling all through me of not worrying about anything. And somebody said to me, they said, What' s wrong with you? I said, absolutely nothing. Because the world could have blown up and I would have been fine. Like I comprehended serenity at last. God granted me serenety. Wow. I wish I could bring you back there with me to experience it. So here's why we won't regret the past no more. Because it says, no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experiences can benefit others. Which is why we go out on speaking commitments and talk about the crap we did in our life. Right? What it was like. what happened and what it's like now. Because we're sharing our experience, the strength that we got from that and hope for other people that oh, all this crap happened in my life but now look at me. Right? That's awesome but it's painful. Necessarily painful to get to that. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. Disappear. Like my ex-girlfriends they're gone it's not there anymore we will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows now I didn't believe that okay but most of you have been here through this entire process and you know where I'm coming from you know what I mean you know who I'm driving from every week and you now where I have to drive home to every week I come here to do this. Oh, the joy of doing this is incredible because it's certainly not about me. It's about like... My interest is carrying this message to my fellows, to you people. That's pretty cool. That God allows me to do that. I mean, you heard the story about the car. That's, I mean that's pretty... You know, we snowed all weekend and look, it was 50 degrees today. Got rid of the snow and melted the ice so I can drive here again. That was pretty cool, right? I love that stuff. Self-seeking will slip away. Slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Oh, I love this one. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. I'm not afraid of people. I'm Not. I generally don't like them. But I'm not afraid of them, right. I'm not. I'm afraid of anyone. It's okay. I'm just a curmudgeon. And I already have economic insecurity. Okay? I've lived with economic insecurity my whole life. So, I already know how to do that. So, I don't have any fear. I have fear of economic security. I don' t know how to deal with that. So, I guess they're probably like, God keeps me poor. So, we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us like I don't know if you're there for the people who are there oh my god what do I do I got a flat tire what should I do I can't the tire's flat and I gotta drive it's like okay well get the tire changed oh my God how did you know how to do that because it's just intuitive now it's not everything is I'm not driven by fear anymore I'm driven by like what's the next thing I need to do Oh, I've got to go and fix the tire. Okay. Because that would have been like an all-day process. You know, that would Have been like, I need to call here. I'll change the tire tomorrow. Now it's like a ten-minute thing. So those things happen. We will suddenly realize That God is doing for us What we cannot do for ourselves. Suddenly. Remember that conversation That we had early on about spiritual experiences being sudden and profound. You know, and that's the point here. We'll suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Because we get to the point of like, oh my God, how am I able to do this? Oh! God's taking care of it. And then we don't want to believe it, right? But that's true, right. And then he says, are these extravagant promises? And you know, in me, yeah. Where you think, you know what I say? Hell yes. those are extravagant promises if somebody presents this to you when you first get here you think, God, those are stravagant right? he says we think not because they are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly and here's the biggest promise of all those promises they will always materialize if we work for them so if we're working for them they're going to come true in God's time. This is not mine. Right? And that's important. So this thought brings us to step ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. Right? This is important here. Okay? It says we vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. So that says we don't stop at nine. We continue to clean up our past with the help of our sponsor, continuing to do this thing and we vigorously commence to do death stuff now. Right? To set any new wrongs right. Continuing to take those inventory. And so we've entered the world of the Spirit. You know why? Because we laid that foundation, we placed our cornerstones in place, we built that arch through which we were going to pass to freedom with a keystone making that decision, that locked door of the fourth step. We turned back to it, we had that key, we went through the fifth step and opened up that door we were entirely ready to get rid of all that garbage and allow God to take out the garbage and now we're taking out our garbage that our sponsor helped us label and put in bags and now We're taking it out ourselves and we're doing that and we have this open door that we're just wow, this is amazing, really God I've entered the world of the Spirit I stepped outside and this is the world of the spirit wow if you ever saw the old Willy Wonka or the original one, where they're in that room and all of a sudden they walk in one way and they're like, no, it's the same door we came in. And then all of the sudden he opens the door and poof, they're in a different place. To me, that's kind of like, hey, I entered the world of the spirit. Wow, that is because I can't go back. Because where I came from is gone now. Right? That's awesome. So then he gives us more instructions. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. so once we get through our ninth step and we're living in that it's our function as members of Alcoholics Anonymous as sober members to grow in understanding and effectiveness they go together I need to do it constantly and then he says it's not an overnight matter it should continue for our lifetime so we're kind of trapped right help me I'm going to do this the rest of my life well yeah if I want to grow in effectiveness and understanding I need to so then he gives us some things to watch he says continue to watch for selfishness dishonesty, resentment and fear and then he says when when it doesn't say if it says when these crop up those four things we ask God at once to remove them and then there's instructions. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love intolerance of others is our code. That's the code we live by, love intolerance. Sometimes that's simply not punching someone in the face. Right? Because we need to discuss that. Oh, someone made me angry. I got a resentment. I'm going to talk about it. Oh my God. Okay, I can't hit him. alright good I want to hit him you know well what's your part my part is I want to hit them and then I love it well what are you afraid of I'm afraid of hitting them well what makes him want you to hit him and then you got to breathe and you got to talk about it you know and I don't want to do that because that's growing in effectiveness and understanding and it's painful you know like I'd rather be fat so when when is the key it's always when you know the ten steps says continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admit it this is the step that lets me off the hook this is a step that lets not be perfect okay that's what's really cool about it and it's the entrance way to the maintenance of my spiritual condition because he already told me guess where I am I'm in the world of the spirit it's like I took some AAPO alright here's some promises ten step ones and we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol oh we will sell them oh wait why Why? Because here's the promise. For by this time, sanity will have returned. What? Oh no, I'm going to be insane the rest of my life. Keep coming. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we coil from it as if from a hot flame. Check this out. We react sanely and normally. Huh? And we will find this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! Hey, you know when they say stick around until the miracle happens? Well here it is. That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it. Neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we have been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. This is how we react, so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. Well, those are the ten-step promises right there. I'm restored to sanity. I'm free. The miracle of it is God is with me. I don't fight it. It's natural. It doesn't even exist. God took that away from me. It doesn'T exist. My alcohol problems don't even exists anymore? That's impossible. I'll be recovering for the rest of my life. I'll never be recovered. Well, if you do this, you will be. Right? That's my experience. It's other people's experiences. I believe them. That's how we react. Because I've got God with me. God's with me! It's not me anymore. It's just me. I've Got God. I've GOT a whole fellowship. Millions of people in a fellowship that I can pick up the phone and say, Hey, you know what? I want to punch him in the face. And somebody will say, Why? Because I do. You know, and there's this whole process. There's this way of living that I have now. I have a design for living. I have a handbook now that I didn't have when I was drinking that they forgot to give me about life. Well, I got here and they gave me one. And as long as I follow it it's miraculous. The miracles happened and continue to happen over and over and over again in my life. Oh, it's just it's incredible. I can't do this. Only God can do that. alright so next week we're going to finish up with the rest of 10 and 11 and move on to 12