Willingness to Believe – Big Book – Tim – Workshop – Neptune, NJ – Part 10 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

Thank you all for coming out on the eve of Christmas Eve, you know, for those of you. I know it's just a busy time of year and people out there yelling and cursing at each other and all in good spirit though, yeah. So it's a, I don't know, it's an interesting time of the year, you You know, two days from now, there's supposed to be celebration of joy, which is pretty cool. Joy was like that word. It's used later on in the book. We're sure that God wants it to be happy, joyous and free. And we have the joy of living in here as well. So I think it's important to kind of mention that. last week I ranted about God because we're in the chapter We Agnostics and it's important for me to reiterate that the chapter title says We Agnostic so Bill was basically including himself in that and he talked about that throughout the chapter about don't let that get in your way. You know, it's not in our way. We got past it. Get over it. You need it. You gotta move on. Within the chapter so far we've already AA has defined God for us. He's told us where we can find God. He's given us the second step proposition of God is everything or God is nothing. Either he is or he isn't. What's your choice to be? You know talked about unmanageability, about all those different statements of the big elements and how they can be changed into questions to ask ourselves throughout our recovery, not just through the process of the steps. Like, are we unmanable at any given day at any give a time? We can do that. So that's where we are. And then, you know, we finished last week with one of my favorite lines in the entire book, the guarantee of success. The guarantee of successful where he says that on page 55. He says, with this attitude, you cannot fail. With this attitude toward God, whatever God that may be that you find, that you agree, that exists, that is going to restore you to sanity, that proposition that was talked about, can you now believe, or are you willing to believe in a power greater than yourself? And from that starting point, okay, let's develop. What is that? What can I do? All right, it's not me. It's not human. next, you know, and then I talked about my example of that agnostic or atheist God that if we can't wrap our head around some spiritual deity or some nebulous thing, we have that very practical God of time that can be agreed upon and measured to a certain degree that we could say, alright, well that's enough for me now. That's enough for me now. And even some days for me it becomes you know like I'm agnostically inclined on some days where I'm like you know what it's all crap and you know and then like five minutes later maybe something is different or maybe I'll see a story about some sort of you know a dying wish of somebody and then ten thousand people showing up and seeing Christmas candles but really there's no God I'm going to ask you know like you know I'm a colon and so so it becomes that stuff happening and that's where we're at and then he gives us a promise behind that promise, with this attitude you cannot fail the consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you so consciousness that we're wide awake we're not sleeping it's when our eyes are open and we're doing whatever it is that we are doing in our lives oh my god, I believe in this thing that I can't really tell you about, I can'T really explain it but here it is and it's a part of my life and then all of a sudden And you're like, you know, like in L.A., they call it God shot. You get a God shot, oh my God, that was God. That was God, and then, you Know, I was just talking before the meeting about, well, you Now, God is everything or God is nothing, so even, you Know, like when it's not the happy ending, God's still in it, you Know, like When you Get the Speeding Ticket. Well, where's God in that? Well, maybe God needed you to slow down and he took that car, pulling you over and giving you the ticket. You know, so that's God working in that. You know? So if we're going to, that consciousness of that belief, taking an attitude toward deep down within me is the fundamental idea of God. And I'm traveling around with God in my heart all the time and God's creating these miraculous things. you know, then there's times, let's say I'm driving and the person in front of me has a mattress that flies off their car. And I'm able to see it react. Okay? And that's happened to me. Okay, well, there's the consciousness of God mindfully going, wow, thank God I wasn't texting or I wasn' on the phone or I was'n going ha ha ha You know, like, God enabled me to do miraculous things You know what I mean? Just any time you get someplace in a car, it's a piece of miraculous you know so there's always these demonstrations of God and so for me and it talks about that through the entire chapter of the logic against God against God against God you know and one of the semi-modern scientists was mentioned last week and I said well he got his you know because he overtly talked against God there's no God no God no God and now you know now they have a computerized voice and can't walk and they kind of roll into a room you know what, you don't think God's a part of that? I do I kind of sit back with that I kind to get smug about that stuff oh there's no God huh we'll wait, we'll be telling the story about you because there's so many times in my life and even throughout recovery and sobriety that I'm like where is God in this where is god in this you know like having emotional and mental breakdowns, losing jobs, getting a divorce. Well, no, that was a good thing. So God was definitely in that, you know? But it becomes this thing of like, all right, well, sometimes God is really hard to find for me. You know, I have to work on it every day. I'm so envious of people who just have God. You know what I mean? And it talks about that in the book of those religious people, you know, who have the fundamental idea of God and it's easy for them. They're just like, hey, God's in it, you know, and those are the people I know from me growing up. I just wanted to punch all the time. You know what I mean? And I hope I'm one of those people now. People talk to me and I say, well, you know God's been that too. You know, I hate you. And I'm like, that's nice. And I had a conversation on the way up here, somebody to call. And they were talking about, you know, they weren't, they were being agnostic at the time. They didn't, so they werenít seeing God and what was going on. And for me it was very clear because first of all Iím not involved in it. Itís not my life so Iím not emotionally attached to it. So I could sit back and go, oh there is. And you know these series of events happen in this personís life and I said, well thatís pretty cool. And I kind of, you know, shifted the perspective for them. So they go, oh, I didn't even see that. And then I went, well, so you know what, you know, seems to be a flimsy read turned out to be The Loving and Powerful Hand of God. And it was really cool to hear, to hear spiritual awakening on the other end of the phone. To hear somebody go, huh. I mean, you don't know when you're talking to people and you and you point that kind of stuff out to them, and they go like, oh. Like something just clicked, and they went, oh, well, that's God. You know, and just to be like a smidgen of that is really cool, because I wasn't that years ago. I wasn'T that, you know, when that nickname that Bobby was using, I wasn'T that then. You know? There was no God involved there. So on page 55, he goes on to say, In this book, you'll read the experience of a man who thought he was an atheist. His story is so interesting that some of it should be told now. His change of heart was dramatic, convincing, moving. Our friend was a minister's son. He attended church school where he became rebellious and what he thought an overdose of religious education. For years thereafter, he was jogged by trouble and frustration, business failure and insanity, fatal illness, suicide. These calamities in his immediate family embittered and depressed him. Post-war disillusionment, ever more serious alcoholism, impending mental and physical collapse brought him to the point of self-destruction. One night, when confined in the hospital, he was approached by an alcoholic who had known a spiritual experience. Our friend's gorge rose as he bitterly cried out, colon, If there is a God, he certainly hasn't done anything for me. But later, alone in his room, he asked himself this question, colon, Is it possible that all the religious people I have known are wrong? while pondering the answer he felt as though he lived in hell then like a thunderbolt, a great thought came it crowded out all else colon who are you to say there is no God this man recounts that he tumbled out of bed to his knees in a few seconds he was overwhelmed by a condition of the presence of God it poured over and through him with the certainty and majesty of a great tide and flood the barriers he had built through the years were swept away he stood in the presence of infinite power and love, he had stepped from the bridge to the shore for the first time he lived in conscious companionship with his creator like what an amazing description that is you know because Bill talked about that traveling over that bridge of logic towards the shore of faith and to have that experience of finally stepping over. Wow, he's on the shore. He's on there. He's on the island of Misfit Toys, eh? And quite appropriate this time of year. And just to have that feeling, the presence, capital P, of infinite power, capital I, capital P, and love, capital L. The creator, capital C. So like, AA is about God. Okay? I mean, it's there. That's what that stuff means. And And, yeah, that's it. So, and then it goes on. Thus, our friend's cornerstone was fixed in place. No later vicissitude has shaken it. Vicissitude means overwhelming pressure. His alcoholic problem was taken away. What? Wait a minute, what did that say? His alcoholic problems were taken away? How could that be possible? Hmm. That very night, years ago, it disappeared. What? His alcoholic problem disappeared? Hmm. Save for a few brief moments of temptation, the thought of drink has never returned. And at such times a great revulsion has risen up in him, seeing that he could not drink even if he would. God had restored his sanity. What is this but a miracle of healing? Yet its elements are simple. circumstances made him willing to believe he humbly offered himself to his maker then he knew even so God has God restored us all to our right minds even so God restored us all to our right minds what do you mean all who are you talking about the people that were the authors of this book and that were all of them they were restored to their right mind God did that? Impossible, right? To this man the revelation was sudden. Some of us grow into it more slowly. But he has come to all who have honestly sought him. Well, that's a promise. Right? When we drew near to him, he disclosed himself to us. So there's another if-then statement. If you want God and you draw closer to him her, it is going to reveal itself to you. Those are promises. right there. That's pretty cool. So now I'm like, now I am excited. This is what Alcoholics Anonymous has to offer me? Really? Because I can't do it because I am insane and I have this crazy head. And he just said God has restored all of them to sanity. God restored this man's thinking and his... Wow, it's just amazing. You know, he talks about that cornerstone. I've talked about that. The cornerstone, the placement of cornerstones. Because we're building an arch that we'll see in this next chapter. We're building and arch, and the cornerstones need to be in place in order for that structure to be built. You know, we've already laid that nice foundation. We knocked down that old house, that decrepit house that we were blotting out with our miserable existence the best we could. Bulldozed it, tore up the crap, laid out this really nice new foundation. It's level, it's beautiful. We carved our initials in it. You know? And it's just wonderful. And now we have just six cornerstones in place. And now with God, we're going to move on and we're gonna build this gorgeous arch that we're eventually pass through to freedom. Ooh! That's exciting. That's excited. Right? So then it moves on to chapter five. How it works. Now, I'm always confused when I sit in meetings and I hear the words, I don't know how it works well apparently that person didn't read this because there's a whole chapter that says how it works right so when I'm always grateful when they do that because I know who not to go to about advice about my recovery oh he doesn't know how it worked which means he hasn't been in here and he doesn'T have a conscious contact with God and he's probably one of those alcoholics who could remain sober on willpower or on his own knowledge or maybe he's not an alcoholic at all so like how do you not know how something hey, how long have you been in AA? I've been in AAA 30 years I still don't know how it works oh my god you're fired you're fire because everywhere else we would right I mean if you're a switch track a switch operator on Amtrak after 30 years and you don't know how it works, you're going to get fired and kill people in the process. So why are we allowing people with 30 years of quote-unquote sobriety to tell people, I don't Know How It Works and let them sponsor people into death? Why are we doing that? Why are wir doing that We're allowing them to kill people Sorry, is that too harsh? Okay Rarely have we seen a person fail Who has thoroughly followed our path Okay, controversy Bill Never said that he would change Rarely to never There are written There's books in AA That have complete opposites They are published by AA There is a great fine article That has at least seven points Of reference of that Particular controversy you know the last time he was asked was just before he died and it was in an ask it basket in a convention that he was at he said did you ever consider changing rarely or never and you know he was probably so fed up by that time like he was dying so he's like oh my god I'm going to kill these people could you imagine like you're a co-founder of this and some a-hole still wants to know like oh my god shut up and just do the steps will ya you know like, did you ever consider and his answer was simple. No. That was the answer. No. What do you mean no? No. And, oh, no. Complete sentence, you know what I mean. So there, that's that. But more importantly, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Another if-then statement. Right? We can change around. If you thoroughly follow our path, you will succeed. So it's a hidden promise there, right? Okay. So now he says those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. Usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. Now, me personally, I've never met anybody in AA who is constitutionally incapable of being modest. I've met people in other institutions that are constitutionally incapable of being honest okay, they have dissociative disorders, they're just not there it's not in their eyes, I don't know if you've ever experienced looking in somebody's dead eyes it's sad, it's unfortunate but those people those people are constitutionly incapable, I've never met anybody who's constitutionally incapable I've meet people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program right you know the expression he was too smart for AA okay now also what's really important here it says usually men and women so usually men and women who are you know what I mean like there's this underlying thing that like men and women in AA are different you know like maybe women feel things emotionally different than men but like when you're here you identify. That's why men can sponsor women and women can sponsor men. Because it's about this process of recovery through steps. Not about feelings. It's not recovery from feelings. It's recovery through facts. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty, their chances are less than average. Okay? Which is kind of cool because what's average? Right? 50% is average, isn't it? Right? You know, I come from that Catholic school background so my first thought was 72. Because that's a C, you know? So I thought like even that I was like 72%? That's a good chance! You know? There's certain things in my life that if you give me a 72% chance I'd be excited about it. But even at 50%, that's pretty cool, right? The chances are less than average. Okay, so 50% is average, 49%. That's still pretty good, right. There are those two who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, and I'm one of them. I suffer from great emotional and medical disorders. I have three other diagnoses other than alcohol dependence. Oh, sorry, is that an outside issue? But we're talking about it right now, aren't we? Okay. Is it our second step about being restored to sanity? Okay. If I'm being restored to sanity, then I must first be insane. Well, alcoholism, alcohol dependence, is listed in a book about mood disorders. Grave emotional mental disorders. Welcome. That's all of us. Hey! Okay, but isn't this exciting? Here's a great promise. But many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Pretty cool. Now, let's look at that entire paragraph. Three times the word honesty is mentioned. Guess it's not important, huh? Because that's a key element. It's a foundation. Right? And I've talked about that before. And it mentions that in the doctor's opinion And about, you know, we're not capable of differentiating the true from the false when we stumble through the door and we're just like, I don't know what's going on. And we get mad at newcomers for lying. What else can they do? That's what they know. That's why I knew. That's full of crap. You know, like, if you ask me how tall I was, I would have told you 5'10". You know? 5'8". Well, when I wear heels. My pumps are four inches. Now here it is again. Remember we talked about it on, what was it, page 29 we talked About? Our stories disclose in a general way What we used to be like, What happened, and What we are like now. Well those are the stories in the back of the book. No, the first 164 is the program. Well, there's the stories mentioned for the second time in the first 164. So I guess it's part of the program, huh? This book is the program. Now here's the newcomer blow-off right here. This is the great equalizer. if you have decided you want what we have so that's the first question, that's another question once we qualify somebody as belonging here and being an alcoholic of a hopeless variety and having ok, so then we qualify like well here's what we have, remember we talked about it on page 25 that's what they have and then it was reiterated again on page 50 that's not what we had and then he continues to do that throughout the book the consciousness of your belief the sound that comes to you. With this attitude, you cannot fail. Do you want what we... Because I have that. Do you wants that? Well, yeah, sure. I just came here not to drink. All right, well, go talk to them because they don't drink and go to meetings because I can't help you. Okay? But if somebody says, Yeah, I want what you have. And I say, Oh, cool. Are you willing to go to any lengths to get it? Because that's the next thing. And are willing to go to any length to get in. So those are qualifiers. Do you know what I am? and then I take pains to tell people what I have. You know, like Ebi did with Bill. He talked for hours and Bill wanted what Ebi had. He wanted what he had as a result of sitting there listening to this man talk about himself and Bill knowing what Evi was like what happened and what he's like now. He disclosed himself in that story and there it is and Bill was like yeah I want what you have and he was like well I got religion and he said what so yeah man that's how I got here so more than I have you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to get what I have are you willing to do that right I talk about that all the time right what do I say about Bobby I don't want what he has with his arms I'm not willing to go to any length to get those arms right so I'm not going to it's because I know she's too hard so when we qualify let me say then you are ready to take certain steps 12 of them and he says at some of these we've walked which as we've already talked about or I've already spoken about the reservations anytime we're walking at a particular step we're still stuck on step one it's that reset button and it's that chutes and ladders, I'm going for the cookie jar. You know? It becomes that, right? Okay. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. Fortunately for them back then, they didn't find it. Now, I remember being at a man's celebration. He celebrated 50 years of recovery. And I was fortunate enough to be there for that because I just thought, wow, 50 years is a half a century. A half a century of recovery that man was around before the general service conference was around you know what I mean like he was there when the traditions came out to groups and people argued about whether we were going to accept them I mean that was just like to stand in the presence of that was just amazing and this man he celebrated he says you know I'm a lazy alcoholic he said you know and I'm always looking for the easier softer way he said I found the easier soft way I just don't drink and go to meetings that's what he said and then he said but you're not going to have what I have he says I have such a freedom today he says I can deal with anything now this was the man who lost his wife in a car accident by somebody who was a drunk driver that hit her in recovery went through that this is a man who was incontinent at the end of his life this is the man who every week took a commitment to Broadway Prison on Tuesday night every week of his recovery. Fifty years! He went to Broadway Prison on Thursday night for fifty years! And he's a lazy alcoholic. What chance do I have, right? And when he said that, I actually, like, cheered. I'm like, yeah! But we could not, right. Amazing. and here's what I love this part because I say this all the time with all the earnestness at our command we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start I do that all the times when I sit down when I'm fortunate enough to be able to sit down with somebody a human being who wants who decided they want what I have and are willing to go there and they might forget it with all of the earnestness at my command I say I beg you be as fearless and thorough as you possibly can. I beg them. Because that's the only way it works, right? Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. It wasn't halved. You know, some people are fortunate that they can do that. They kind of cruise and they're kind of like dancing on the edge for a while, you know. But, you Know, we have experiences here. We have people that come back from research and development and sit in a meeting and say, yeah, I was sober for this long and I was silver for this longer and I relapsed and now I'm back. Because they had reservations and they had old ideas. Because my old ideas don't work. You know, my old idea is getting drunk. Simple, right? Nill. So he says that again. Right? Because he said that throughout the entire book. Like, no, You're wrong. He said that, he's been saying that from the beginning. Listen, you're wrong, it's okay, we get it. I was wrong too. We were wrong too! We found a solution. We've all been restored to sanity by God. And we were wrong before. Yeah, but you went, no, no. I was WRONG. I was Wrong. Like, how freeing is that? To be able to say that. because I don't know about anybody else you know, there's that would you like to be right or happy? I'm like, well being right makes me happy. Right, so I thought a great thing we engage in windy arguments and we quote heady books and blah blah blah how easy is it to go you know what, you're right And then you just wait. You know what I mean? Like, I deal with that when I work. You know, like, I work in theater. So, you know, there's no egos there. And... So people, you Know, they'll say things. They'll say, Hey, you Now, like, can you do this this way? And I go, Okay. And it's almost like, you Know. I whistle at a dog. You Know, when they choke their head. Because they're so used to arguing. Like, Can you do that? Yeah, okay. you sure I'm like yeah you saw me I'm going to do it what is there a particular way you'd like me to do it no no you know how to do it right yes okay so you're gonna do it yes it's just so like alien to people and then I get called because they people like when I say okay yes I can do that and then I do that that's pretty cool they're like hey he's a great worker but why because he does what he says he's going to do. That's novel, huh? Now here, this is cool. Remember that we deal with alcohol. Cunning. Baffling. Powerful. Without help, it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power. That one is God. That's pretty cool. so what are we talking about here you just gotta go to meetings just don't drink, you go to meetings and then you'll be fine wait a minute it says without help there's too much for us right, what's it yeah but you have meetings you have us you know us humans that can keep you sober, you know human power good old drugs good old indigestion the hell are you talking about it would never work for me if it worked for anybody else maybe good for you right and then here it is may you find him now with exclamation points exclamation point isn't that great may you find him now when now I always joke about that you know like you see signs that say now hiring I go in I say I'd like a job they're like well you have to fill up this application I said that's not what your sign says it says now hiring I'd like to start working now they're confused well I didn't put the sign up, you did hey look he's going to repeat himself half measures of Velva nothing right you get nothing sir you lose we stood at the turning point that's we stood at the turn point. Let's think about that for a second. I have no other, I can't go backward anymore because that just means alcoholic death and destruction and suffering and garbage. But that is like that's a big drop there, man. I don't know if I can go down that ski jump, man I just, they're like, yeah but we did. We did it. You said you You decided you want what we have. Well, we did that in order to get here. Oh, I don't know, man. We stood at the turning point. We stood as a turning point so now what do we do there, right? We ask His protection with protection and care with complete abandon. Whose? God's. So you better have God by the time you get here because if you're standing at the turn point Like, you're not going to go. You're not gonna go without God. You're just not, you know? Like, you may get somebody that pushes you, you know, because then you're like, oh! But it becomes that, like, all right, here we go. Here we go! Like, I always equal this to getting on a roller coaster. Right? You know, you stand at that turning point. You're on that line. You're waiting. You're like wow, that's a pretty fancy drop-up there. Oh, I'm ready. And you get up there and you get in that car and the harness comes on and you're going in. There's no turning point there. You stood at the turning point before you got in that car. When you got in that car, you got in that car with an asking for protection and care was completely abandoned. Because that's it. You're in that roller coaster until it's done. And that's kind of what recovery is most of the time. Yay! Woo! I I want to do that again because that's what we do you just went on that roller coaster and you got sick but I know, I love it so here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery now it doesn't say it's a program of suggestions there It says it's a suggested program of recovery. So for anybody who knows anything about computers, programs require instructions. You start a program and it kicks off with that first instruction and then goes to the next one. And it's generally based on if-then statements. That's generally how a computer program works. Very fast, based on either automated input or user input. So good. Okay, if you want this, then it's going to go here. If you want that, then It's going go there. If you have this, it's gonna go here and it's just gonna wait. It's just no way. No, no, not the answer. I'm waiting for an answer. No, nope, nope. Yeah, you ever get frustrated? You're like, I'm hitting the button. Click OK, click OK, and you click it. Okay, let's just stop moving because the program is broken. There's an instruction out of place, right? So because there's an order to this. So here it is. It's a program of recovery. And if you remove one of the steps of a program, the program doesn't work. So that's kind of how our program works. And it's in order for a reason. We've got to start at 1. Because if we don't start there, 2 doesn't matter. I have a third step problem. No, you have a first step problem, we just read that. We bought reservation, back to the beginning. What are you talking about? I clicked OK. OK. Right? so we know these right we admitted we were powerless over alcohol dash that our lives had become unmanageable right that dash means we admitted you know anytime you see dash in the English language it means to take the subject and the verb of the preceding sentence and add it to that we admitted that we were perilous over alcohol we admitted then our lives would become un-manageble we dealt with un-mangeability on page 52 we talked about right came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity we came to believed that Because we didn't believe that at first. But we came to believe that. Hopefully, by the time we got here. By the time he got to this page, which generally doesn't happen, unfortunately, because people come in, I got the promises! And like, well, how long have you been here? 52 days. Have you done the steps? No, step one. Oh my God. And that's great if they've gotten promises, but like, oh my God, come on, let's do what we're supposed to do here. right? Can you believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity? So there's a promise within that. It could, it may not, but you can't do some other things, right? So it could restore us to sanity. I already talked about that. We were insane. We can't be restored to something if we didn't lose it in the first place. Okay. Made the decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Made the Decision. Well, that's a thought, right, remember that if you're doing the thinking well who's supposed to make the decision for me I have to make a decision no you're thinking ok I'll make coffee I just won't think about making coffee our will our thinking our lives our actions over to the care of God. See, that's an important word there. Because it's not about turning our will, our thinking and our actions over to God. It's over to the guidance of God, because that's what care is. Take care. Guide. Alright, listen, I've got to care for this. I'm going to guide this nicely. Okay, now let's care for it. And as we understood it, you know, there's a whole story about the guy who insisted that that be in there. It's very interesting please read that story it has some other historical significance to it I won't tell you, you have to read it and report back next week 4. made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves oh my god 5. admitted to God to ourselves and to another a human being the exact nature of our own. We'll see that later. There's six natures. They're listed. I'll point them out. Six. We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Wait a minute, what? Yeah, I'm ready. I'm right. Are you ready? Okay. Yeah, i work on removing my defects all the time. Well, why are you doing that? You can't remove them. You said you were ready, you were entirely ready to have God remove your defects of character. Not you. That's still self-will. You're still running on that. You're Still trying to do your own stuff. You're So Hanging on to old ideas. What are you talking about? I gotta, I have to, oh, I can't be mad. I'm like, what do you mean you can't being mad? You can control being mad. You're God again. Oh, mind screwing up. so now we're looking at God to remove all these defects of character, I don't know about anybody else I like some of mine I'm holding on to that one I'm not entirely ready to have God remove that but when I am, I need to get to seven, humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings right, now mine always I don' t know about anyone else's book, but mine always morphs into where it says humbly asked, it says defiantly challenged I defiantly challenge him to remove my shortcomings. Okay. Go ahead, I'm ready. Take it! Go ahead God, take my gift back. Are you ready? Are you really ready? Yeah, good, go ahead, you can have it. You can have this, have it! Have it! No, see? You take it away, I've got a ticket for you at home, right? Now nobody else does that, just me. May the list of all persons be in harm. All persons be heart, and became willing to make amends to them all. Remember willing? A cheerful choice, right? Eager compliance. Because most of us, I don't know about anybody else, but they're like, I am not ever making amends to her or to him. Right? We need to say, okay, I'm ready. Yeah, I'm read. And it's got to be real, right, or else that amends isn't going to go well. It's going to be, you know, I need to make amends. But you know what you did for me? You know, um, nothing now, you know. Right? Mine made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. And we are not others. Okay, you go, I'm one of the others. No, you're not. Okay. but you know that's to me that step more than any other step is what a sponsor is required for because we have these wonderful ideas I'm going to go you know what I stole 5 grand from them I'm gonna go tell them what do you what do you have any money to give them slow down chief what are you talking about he goes to great lengths to talk about nine-step amends in the book, right? So it's important to like, hey man, you know, those words that we always call our sponsor, hopefully, and say, you know I've been thinking, or you know. You know I have an idea. You know. I have amends that I need to make. Okay. This I gotta hear. You know, like that's. But it's direct. It's not like, oh well you know what happened. they hurt me first. That was in high school. That was grammar school. Okay, but you're like 38 and you still think about it. So it's time to make amends. It's time for like put that to bed, you know, like let's go. Well, you don't understand. Okay, back to step one. Now here's what I love. This is, I don't know about anybody else, but I have a hard time with not being perfect right and this lets me know that I'm not going to be it's the big like oh yeah thank god and it says continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admit it it doesn't say if it says when just let me know you're gonna be wrong colon you know what I mean like that's oh thank god oh my god and promptly you know I love that word That's a great advert, isn't it? Promptly. Well, who's promptly, you know? You know that joke about a man asks God like how long is a minute? A million years? You know? How much is a dollar? It's like a million. Can I have a million dollars? And he says in a minute. You know, like that's promptly, you don't know. So that's why we need a sponsor too. But we have instructions later on. There's instructions. There's clear-cut directions given to do this stuff. So we're not, like, clueless. We don't have to go, how do I do that? Okay, you know, because... And then people will give you a litany of hows in meetings. They're more than willing to tell you how to do something in a meeting after they just said, I don't know how it works. Right? Okay, my favorite step. Step 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out lots of words, lots of stuff what am I doing? I'm seeking God, right? I should have already had a conscious contact with god way before I got there so I'm supposed to be improving that Well, how do I got to pray? Okay, well, how do I pray? What can I do? Okay, well, just simple things. Hey, God, what's up? You know, something. Pray. So prayer is simply talking to God, right? Well, what's meditation? I don't have meditation. I have to sit and listen. Oh, bang-a-dong. How do I do it if I listen to God in meditation and I listen to New Age like all, oh my God, right? Simple. Meditation is listening to God. just listening for those moments of clarity for those little inspirational things for that voice you know, that whisper that I always talk about hey, don't go that way thanks God oh, I'm just meditating and that's just improved my conscious contact with God as I understood Him that's pretty cool but what am I praying for? because you'll hear a whole litany of things you've got to pray for and I don't want to pray I'm lazy I don' t want to prayer all that stuff This gives me this wonderful thing. I've got to pray for one thing. Because it says only. That's really cool. Only. What do I pray for? Now is it his will for me. And the power to carry that will out. That's pretty cool. So, pray for them when they're sick. I'm not praying for them because they're sick. Maybe God wants them to die. You know, it's harsh, but like, I'm not that powerful. You know God's messing around. Hey! Peter! Do you have a big book, Tim's prayers this week? I can say, oh, no. Yeah, okay. Cure that one. Smite that one, you know, like God's not sitting around doing that, you know, listen, Tim, I need you to drive to Nyack and annoy those people. All right, I got it. So I have gas in the car and I get here and I annoy you. Okay. So I'm like, isn't that great? God's more for me. I have the power to carry it out. Isn't that exciting? Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening, as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. So the first thing there is that it says all our affair. Which means I have to have other affairs in order to do this. I mean, I could be really spiritual and really like God-centered in an AA meeting and be president of AA. Oh, isn't he spiritual? Well, just go see me in the supermarket, go see my wife, go see you in traffic, go see other affairs, my job, my life. Am I taking this into my life? Okay? And it says, having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. So if I go 1 through 11 and draw a line and I add them all up, The result will be spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. Oh, well that's pretty cool. So I'm not going to have a spiritual awakening until I do these steps, however, that's a promise. Twelve steps within the twelve steps gives you a promise. Okay, do these tests, you'll have a spiritual awakening. Oh, and guess what? That'll solve all your problems because we already told you that's what was going to happen if you get God. You have one that has all power. you have one that has all power that's going to solve all your problems right, that's pretty cool so now we have it, right so now what do we do well we try to carry this message of the steps to alcoholics because they need it, they need and to practice the things of the step in all our affairs getting rid of selfishness, reducing that like making that decision to say okay God what do you want me to do I need to take my thinking and turn that into God and give it to God and my actions need to be God centered I need help other people and I need to help other people and I need to help other people and I need to help other people you know constant thought of others and how I may help make their needs remember read that back on page 20 right so that's what I need to do and then he says many of us exclaim but what in order I can't go through with it is that too exclamatory for people because you know I use other colorful language to describe them. But that's really it. And then he says, hey man, take it easy. Don't be discouraged. Don't being discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. Except me, except them. You know, like, really? It becomes that judgmental that, you know, if I was over 20 years, I wouldn't be angry. I have the perfect job. The hell are you talking about? Shut up! Because now you're saying you're perfect. No one among us, no one, no one. No one means no one doesn't it? Except, no it doesn't say except. Right? So, and listen, we are not saints. What's the point? The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. Oh, is that all I have to do? I just have to grow? That's pretty cool. I can grow. I can go. Maybe slow some days. Some days maybe fast. Maybe slow. Maybe fast. Maybe slow home. That's a good thing. That's really cool. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. How cool. our description of the alcoholic he described that all chapters, chapters, chapter the chapter to the agnostic and our personal adventures before and after oh stories again we'll know what about them they make clear three pertinent ideas and what are they? A. We were alcoholics and we could not manage our own lives B. Here's a meeting book stop drinking come to meetings just do that ok there's probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism ok so don't drink and go to meetings this isn't going to relieve your alcoholism oh wait a minute that God could and would if he was not promises promises right now here's what it says being convinced we were at step 3 we were at step 3 that's pretty cool so by this time you should be at step three and that's what we're going to get to next week step three thank you