The Hopeless Variety – Big Book – Tim – Workshop – Neptune, NJ – Part 6 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

I want to introduce our alcoholic Tim from New Jersey. Welcome, Tim. All this time still applause, that's awesome. Good evening, I'm a recovered alcoholic called Big Book Tim. Hi there, Tim, good to see you, man. Woo, all these people are still here, it's great. It's wonderful. You're probably coming for the next controversial thing I say, huh? Let's see, so we're coming up on the Bermuda Triangle of holidays. I think it's wonderful. Yeah, yeah. And don't wait until Thursday. If you feel like drinking, go tonight. Why wait four days? Get to it. So with Emory, the chapter there is a solution. You know, and it's wonderful. It's the tease chapter as I call it. The tease chapter. Now we're on page 24 at that. I'm going to recap a couple of things and then move forward and get into the chapter more about alcoholism. And then hopefully by the end of the night, we'll get through part of the first step, which is very exciting. Ooh, the step. We're going to get into it. Steps, steps, steps. Don't you just don't drink a little mead? Maybe if you're not an alcoholic, it's a hopeless variety, right? Can you hear me in the back? A little bit. A little bet? A little bent? Yeah. I always try to start low because you know me by the way. And I'm yelling, you know? So page 24. We'll start at the italics again. italics, whatever you want to say. It says the fact is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existing. We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first straight. Now, the exciting thing, come on and we can share fun. The exciting thing about that see, and this is what I love about the big book right? It's so dynamic and it changes and things jump out all the time, right? If you're living in this book and you got this book and your rolling with it and you have that going on, at least that's been my experience. Now here, right it says that most alcoholics, right so he's coming from that third-person perspective. He's talking to alcoholics. Then all of a sudden he switches into us. He says, our so-called willpower, right? And he says, we are unable to. We are without defense against the first ray, which is pretty cool right there. Like, you know, that has it's jumping out at me today, this very moment. So that's why I'm bringing it up because he's now talking to the reader from a perspective of this is our experience these are the facts, because he started with the facts he didn't say like oh this is how we feel he said these arethe facts for all of us that have this experience in this book so I think that's pretty cool to note that like oh yeah that means me too right? So now we're talking about like last week I talked about our thinking is screwed up right? We have this obsessive mind that tells us that no matter what's going on. We need to have a drink. That's the solution, right? We're solution drinkers. We're not problem drinkers, we're solution drinkers! So, we gotta have that drink. Go have a Drink, go have a Drink, and then we try with all of our willpower, our thinking that fighting against that obsession to say, no, it's really bad for me. You know, I'm allergic and then they say all these cutesy things you know like, I can't drink, I am allergic to alcohol, I break out in handcuffs Which is all very pat and clever, you know. But the reality of it is that if I'm an alcoholic of the hopeless variety, I'm a real alcoholic, I cannot have so much as one drink, one something, right? Because we talked about that controversial part, right, solid gas liquid form of alcohol, without it destroying me, without it taking over and saying, hey, I got you, you're mine now. I can't do that stuff now here's the problem because my mind is what it is I can with sufficient force bring into my memory of all the crap that actually goes on when I do that right, it doesn't come in out of, my mind goes eh, wasn't that bad you only spent 12 hours in jail you know, those types of things happen well, it wasn't too bad, you know you only smacked a kid once all these things, all this pitiful incomprehensible demoralization that we're going to get into later on it all happens and my brain can't do it can't bring it in there I'm without defense against that first drink so then he goes on to say the almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the minds of the tourists if these thoughts occur they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people there's complete failure of a kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove now remember last week I talked about that some of us do that for fun to show how powerful we are look at what I can do it doesn't burn me meanwhile I've got a charred hand that comes back and then I tell you, well it's not really charred I did that, right? because that's how my thinking is so then he goes on to say the alcohol may say to himself in the most casual way it won't burn him this time, so here's how or perhaps he doesn't think at all how often have some of us began to drink in this nonchalant way and after the third or fourth pounded on the bar and said to ourselves for God's sake how did I ever get started again only to have that thought supplanted by well, I'll stop with the sixth drink or what's the use anyhow, right? So, I don't know if anybody can identify with that in this room okay, but I know I can so let me go on to really start to pound this home when this sort of thinking is fully established to an individual with alcoholic tendencies. So let's stop right there. So we're talking about the processes before the actions, right? So thinking is the biggest action that we do. We do it all the time, all day, just constant. We're constantly thinking. So when people say, you know, thinking isn't an action, okay, well, just, okay, thank you, and walk away. You know, because it is. We think about everything before the physical action happens. so the alcoholic tendencies meaning that our tendency is our behavior we have alcoholic tendencies that we're drinking our thinking brings us to our drinking thinking, drinking, thinking that's our tendencies so he has probably placed himself beyond human aid placed himself beyond human aide so thinking the drink through going to a meeting calling a sponsor talking to somebody isn't going to do it, right? Just not making a decision to drink isn't gonna do it. Because, you know, at certain times we don't have that ability because we place ourselves beyond human aid. So we're talking about trying to solve our spiritual problem with human solutions. And it's just not it can't happen, right. So then he goes on to say unless locked up may die or permanently go insane. These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history. By the way, a legion is 3,000. Just to throw that in there, you know? So think about that. Like, facts, again, facts. We don't care how you feel about it. These are the facts, right? And here's the promise. Here's the tease, right ? but for the grace of God. Wow. There would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations. So many want to stop, but cannot. Right? How many times can we do that? Still, even in AA we do not. People relapse and they have problems and they cannot get to it because they are not in this solution and we are not taking the time to put them in this situation and doing the directions of what this solution is saying. Okay? Taking people to detox or to the hospital where they need to go is to be separated from alcohol or drugs so they can accept this stuff. We're not doing that as a society. Okay, so we get annoyed at the person who keeps relapsing and relapsING and relAPSing and reLAPSING because don't they know they're supposed to stay sober? Well, of course they know! So many want to stop, but they can't. Right? Because that's impossible for people like us. How long did it take Bill? 15 years going through this stuff before that experience that he had, that God experience that he has, right? And then here's the biggest tease right here. It says there is a solution. There it is again. You know, I talk about this all the time. Those four word sentences that he uses throughout that book that are like zingers and cuts right to your heart. There is a solution. So let's talk about what it is, right. Almost none of us like the self-searching. So there's part of the solution. The leveling of our pride. Anybody like that? The confession of shortcomings Okay, now here's the big one on that It says which the process requires For its successful consummation So without doing that stuff You're going to fail That's what he's telling us right there Right? So then he says But wait a minute We know what you're thinking But when we saw that it really worked in others We had to come to believe In the hopelessness and futility of life as we have been living it. When therefore we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, right? The drinking problem and the thinking problem had been resolved. There was nothing left for us but to pick up this simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have bin rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we have not even dreamed. So those are teases right there. Those are some promises that we're going to get. Now, for those of you who attend lots of meetings and who've been around for more than a day, you've heard how it works. Right? And in How It Works, it says, if you've decided you want what we have... Right? Now, I heard that when I first got here. Because my name is... But if you want to know what we do, you'll do what we did. I'm like, okay, well, what do you have? Because that's what I wanted to know first. What do you want? Because I may not want it. Right? Because my thought was like, oh yeah, I want to quit drinking. That's what you guys have. There was so much more than that, right? And here is what we have. Right here on page 25. The great fact is just this and nothing less. Wow, that's pretty cool. So it's at least this. And then there's my favorite, the colon. That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and towards God's universe. The central fact in our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. Wow. I know that's what I have. I can promise you that. That's what i have. That's why I consider parents to be recovered alcoholics. Because I have that. And more. I don't have anything less than that. Right? I mean, that's just so powerful. Wow, that is what you have? Because if we are presenting that to people walking through the door, well, then maybe they will want more of what we have. Instead of a cup of coffee and a donut and maybe an attitude. You know what I mean? Hey, shut up! Shut up! Keep coming back. Oh yeah, I'll definitely come back for that. So let's look at that paragraph. Deep and effective, right? Deep meaning the opposite of shallow. So it's in there, it's down, it' s in there. And effective, meaning that it had some rearranging. It was deep, it was effective. It's kind of like changing your diet and going to the gym and working out. That's usually deep and effective if you're sticking to that. Because usually, you know, like you walk in looking like me and then like if you stick to that like four or five months later you're going to look a little svelte and maybe a little taller and maybe you'll be in shape like him. You know, like you ever see his lines? Great lines. Okay, so that's proof that whatever he's doing works. You see, and that's kind of the point. Like I'm going to ask somebody who is working because he said that just before. But when we see the problem has been solved and other people, we had to pick up their spiritual toolkit. Oh, you have a spiritual toolkit? Where is it? And I roll it out. Let me show you my craftsmanship. So here it is. And what did I have, though? What was deep and effective? A spiritual experience. Right? That notion of like something that's not me and not human. And that's as far as I'm going to get with God with any of you. I don't care what you think is God. they don't care I really don't I know what it is for me and I suggest to all of you to make sure you know what it is to you because as we read in the page before we're all placed beyond human aid if this book applies to us right but if you're still self-will and I can do this no I just I'll just I'll adjust this is what I'll do okay good luck God bless love you but if your like me You're going to need this thing. You're gonna need this solution, right? So I had to have a spiritual experience which revolutionized, right, so what's a revolution? It's an overthrowing of an old way of doing things and replacing it with a new, like the American Revolution. We revolted on the way the government was running our country, we overthrew it, we started a new one, and here we are, and I think it's time for another. Oh, sorry. outside issues but that's the point right because it was an old way of doing things so now it's new and we're good right and what did it revolutionize well basically everything whole attitude toward life our fellows in the universe well that pretty much covers it all doesn't it oh but it left out Kate I don't know you can laugh that's funny Then what does he say? The central fact, right? So right in the middle of it all. The central factor. It's not kind of on the outskirts. It'snot on the outside. It'sn't like, Oh, by the way, it's not fleeting. It's central. It's in the middl. Right? And then he's redundant. Absolute certainty that our creator has entered into our hearts. Not our minds. Our hearts. And what's happening there? Lives. Okay? It's alive. Lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. Miraculous, because that's what we are. We are miracles. The fact that there's something working on us that we like to destroy ourselves, our human power, our human will, we want to destroy our selves and there's nothing inside of us, each and every one of us individually, that is stopping us from doing that. That's miraculous. Right? Incredible. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us Which we can never do by ourselves Okay, so basically it's saying that God Whatever it is Is doing that Commence To end an old thing and begin something new You know like when you have a commencement from school Right? Hopefully you've learned something And now you take that out into the world Commencement, right? So all of that, that's what we have that's the biggest promise that you get you become recovered you have this and that's your job now take it out into the world that's attractive to the world just not drinking isn't attractive just not drink and he's usually like Uncle Micah sits in the corner watching football you don't have to go shut up what's the matter with him he hasn't had a drink in 25 years well get him one will ya Alright, so now the next thing this is kind of the combatant of what's hopefully why we're here that we can take and kind of like battle what's happening out there because we're in a battle for our lives. It says if you are seriously as alcoholic as we were it doesn't say as we are it says as we were because we solved the problem we believe there is no middle of the road solution you know, like don't drink and go to meetings we were in a position where life was becoming impossible life was become impossible and if we pass into the region from which there was no return through human aid so now he's reiterating it If you're there, if you're at that point, if you qualify and you're here and you need the solution, there's about two alternatives. He doesn't say three. There's only two. And he does this throughout the entire book. He gives you choices. And guess what the choices are? Death and God. Right. You're right. That's it. Those are your choices. Is that extreme? Yeah. That's what I need. Because if I have a third one, guess which one I'm picking? Middle of the road solution, right? So here are the alternatives. There's my colon again. one was to go on to the bitter end blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could and the other hey four words to accept spiritual help hmm can I think about that for a minute because which one of us in this room did not think about that choice when we got here here's your choice you can continue to go on blotting out the miserable existence as best you can. No, it's not really... I'm not bankrupt. You know, the house looks great. Or, accept spiritual help. Because most of us didn't understand what spiritual help was. Why didn't we understand what spiritual help is? Because nobody explained it to us. And we were just supposed to know. Don't you know? no I didn't so that's why I needed a sponsor to take me through a book not throw a meeting list at me to keep coming back kid right so then he goes on to say this we did because we honestly wanted to and we were willing to make the effort here's that word again willing everybody talk about that a cheerful choice the other definition is eager compliance. Remember I said there was two? Eager compliance, right? A cheerful choice. I talked about that a little bit last week with a few people. Like, you know, hey, do you want to do this? Well, that's not willing, right. Hey, do You want to help me with this? Sure! Let me help you. That's willing. Okay? Because that's where you need to be. And He honestly wants you. So, if you have it in the back of your mind, I don't really want to do this. Okay? And you're not yeah, I'm ready to do this! You're not going to. Because that's what he said is required of it, right? That's what they did. That's What They Did. Now at the bottom it says Fully Explaining Appendix 2. Now if you want to go and read that have fun. Okay, because Appendrix 2 was edited in 1955. It was edited in 1955, I don't deal with it that it's just my personal thing when I take people through the process I do like oh and I read it just because it's in the big book and whatever but you know from 1935 to 1955 people were having spiritual experiences which revolutionized their whole attitude and outlook toward life, toward people in the universe without appendix 2 they didn't need an explanation of what God really is well look at all the educational variety you know the people who aren't really willing That's who Appendix 2 is for. Because, you know, we were losing too much time in AA. Okay, go away. We're going to lose people. Well, you knows what? Alcohol will bring them right back. Okay, so it was more of a political membership. Yeah, we've got to appeal to more atheists than agnostics. No, we don't. okay, so now we're going to get into a story a certain American businessman had ability good sense and high character for years he had flattered from one sanitarian to another he had consulted with the best known American psychiatrist then he had gone to Europe placing himself in the care of the celebrated physician the psychiatrist Dr. Young who prescribed for him though experience had made him skeptical he finished his treatment with unusual confidence His physical and mental condition were unusually good. Above all, he had believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind as hidden strings that relapsed was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall. So he returned to this doctor whom he admired and asked him point blank why he could not recover. He wished above all things to regain self-control. He seemed quite rational and well-balanced with respect to other problems. Yet he had no control whatever over alcohol. Why was this? He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it. In the doctor's judgment, he was utterly hopeless. He could never regain his position in society, and he would have to place himself under lock and key or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long. This was a great physician's opinion. Now, this person that we're talking about is Rowan Hazzard. He was one of the two men who showed up in court to vouch for Ebby Thatcher, who was the person who brought this message to Bill Wilson. So he's kind of really important for us being here. And there was always some of the controversial stuff. Oh, did he really, was he really treated by Young? Well, there were letters written by Bill in the 60s to Carl Young, and Carl Jung wrote back and said, well, yeah, I couldn't really give him full explanation because things were different back then about alcoholism. And then he went on to say it's really cool, so if you want to investigate that, go out there. The letters, they still exist. And they're from Dr. Jung to Bill, and Bill to Dr. Young about this specific incident. So that's kind of cool stuff right there. The other thing is this, right? It says hire a bodyguard if you expect it to live long. Now, I don't know for anybody who remembers there's this famous gentleman who was on Saturday Night Live and his name is John Belushi. So he had this great idea of hiring two guys to stop him from doing drugs. Body bars. Well, post script he beat the two of them up, put one of them in the hospital and got by. So that didn't work either, did it? And why didn't it work, folks? Because it was still human power. Still human power. That's it, right? Okay, so. But this man still lives and is a free man. He does not need a bodyguard nor is he confined. He can go anywhere on earth where other free men can go without disaster provided he remains oh there's that word again, willing to maintain a certain simple attitude. Some of our alcoholic leaders may think they could do without spiritual help. Let us tell you the rest of the conversation our friend had with the doctor. The doctor said, colon, you have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recovered where the state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you. Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a claim. He said to the doctor, is there no exception? Yes, replied the doctor there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. There's that word again. Vital. Remember? Necessary for life. Vital. To me, these occurrences are phenomenal. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. In fact, I have been trying to produce such emotional rearrangements within you. With many individuals, the methods which I employed are successful, but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description. Right? Now here's what's cool about this story, right? So that like, dum-dum-dun, right, but here's how we think, right. Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat relieved. before he reflected after all, he was a good church member this hope however was destroyed by the doctors telling him that while his religious convictions were very good in his case they did not spell the necessary oh there it is again, vital spiritual experience here was the terrible dilemma in which our friend found himself when he had the extraordinary experience which as we have already told you made him a free man we in our turn sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men see so it's kind of important for people to be desperate because if you still have ideas you're really not going to listen because you know you're still running on your human will so you need to be hopeless and desperate and broken right what seemed at first a flimsy read has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God that's a wonderful description isn't it A new life has been given us, or if you prefer, a design for living that really works. Like, that's such a cool statement. You know, there's so many groups now that are like the design for a living group and they're, you know, they're goose-stepping with their big books, to be honest with you. But, you Know, it's just that expression, a Design for Living. It's not a new wave of life that I put my hand in. It's just a Design For Living. Here's my design, this is how I live, and that's it. No big deal. It's not, you know why I quit drinking. You know, it's only a big deal that we quit drinking in here. Out there, nobody really gives a crap. You know what I mean? There's a guy out in California, Mickey B's in Ireland. And he's a big acronym guy. He loves to talk. He always calls up and he says, I called my mother back in Ireland and I said, you know, I'm sober 17 years. She said, so what? So is the cat. You know like, you remember my story like I got a guy with a high school that played Phantom of the Opera I became big with Tim the distinguished American psychologist William James in his book Varieties of Religious Experience indicates a multitude of ways in which men have discovered God we have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired no desire we have not no desire to do that So when you hear people in AA talking about, this is the only way to get God, tell them shut up and go read page 28. If what we have learned and felt and seen means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed, or color, are the children of a living creator with whom we may form a relationship upon a simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. Those having religious affiliations will find nothing here disturbing to their beliefs and ceremonies, there is no friction among us over such matters. If only that were true. We think it no concern of ours what religious bodies our members identify themselves with as individuals. We thinkit no concern of ours what religious bodies our member's identify themselves with as individuals." Okay? So he's letting us know don't be saying who your higher power is when you share so that way you can get the people whose higher power is the same higher power as yours on your thigh. You know what I mean? Like, I'm a Yankee fan. Now immediately, Leo didn't like me. Right? Because we know Leo knows how to suffer because he's a Met fan, you know? So right there, it just becomes and the point of that is that We're trying to have some harmony here. That we're trying to join in brotherly and harmonious action. So when we start splitting hairs and start identifying what our higher power is, now we're separating ourselves from other alcoholics. Which we definitely don't need to do. Right? All we need to know is that we qualify as an alcoholic and that's it. And right now, you're sitting in this room and anybody who may not have a belief in the higher power or may have a particular belief in the high power or may not be sure there's one happening right now. Because we're all in this room not drinking and not beating each other up. That's pretty miraculous. That's definitely a higher power working on this room at this moment. So it doesn't matter what yours is. We have one collectively currently. That's Pretty Cool. Right? That's awesome. Alright, so So then he goes on to say some good stuff here, right? And he goes on to continue what I just ranted about, right? He says, this should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past associations or his present choice. Not all of us join religious bodies, but most of us favor such memberships, because that was true at the time, right. Now here we go. He's going to tease us a little more. In the following chapter, in the following factor, there appears an explanation of alcoholism. Well, thank God, right? As we understand it. Then a chapter addressed to the agnostic. Many of us who were once in this class are now among our members. Surprisingly enough, we find no such convictions, excuse me, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience. Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered. Not how we are recovering, How we recovered. And they're clear-cut directions. There's 12 of them, by the way. Okay, now, here's the thing. I talked about this a little bit before meeting with my friend here. It says each individual in the personal stories describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and clear-cup idea of what has actually happened in their lives. It doesn't say how they quit drinking. It says how they established a relationship with God, right? And it's on page 29, and we're talking about the personal stories. So the personal story is a part of the program, okay? That misnomer of the problem is the first 164. Says who? Okay, so I could prove, okay, well, if it is the First 164, well, we just mentioned the stories in the First164, so the stories are still part of the first 164 so I guess the entire book is, huh? Okay. Next case. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women desperately in need will see these pages and we believe that it's only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them too. I must have this thing. Right? That's some powerful stuff. Like, now, if we present that kind of information, that kind-of life to newcomers, wouldn't you be excited about that? About like, really, I could get that at an AA? Yeah. Wow. And not drink? Shoot. Yeah, what do I have to do? What do I need to do to make coffee? All right. So, on page 30. Chapter 3, more about alcoholics. most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. Very true statement, right? No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. I didn't identify with that because I didn' t try to prove I could drink lik e other people I didn''t care. I was a drunk and very proud of it and that was bad, right? So when I got here I already, you know I knew I qualified for here so I don't identify with the people who are in denial and who are still like trying to blot out the miserable existence of their life. I mean, I was done. You know, I got there I was 22 when I first got here so I sucked you know what I mean? That's how it worked. So, the idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. could you imagine that anybody here's him I'd like people to raise their hand this is specific I want you to raise your hand if when you were controlling your drinking you were enjoying it yeah I didn't think so for the people who can't see at home nobody raised their hand right I mean look around the room look how many people are in this room okay because I definitely identify with that When I was controlling my drinking, I wasn't enjoying it. And when I enjoyed it, I didn't control it. Right? So this applies to me. The great obsession of every abnormal drinker, the persistence of this illusion is astonishing. So it's an illusion, right? No, I'm going to... No, no, I can't. I can enjoy it. I can control it, I can destroy it. I know people who are like that all the time. I pace myself. Talk about you pace yourself. You had three drinks in an hour and you're going to have to go drive a car. I'm fine. Okay, just let me leave before you, please. You know what I mean? Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. Right? That illusion that I've got this, I've gotta this, is usually what it is. Okay, now here we go. Hope everyone's with me here. It says, We learned we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. And then he gives us a big hint here. This is the first step in recovery. Thanks. Because I probably would have missed it, right? Okay, so that's important right there. We learn there's only two ways of learning. You either teach yourself or someone else teaches you. That's it. Those are the two ways of learning self-taught or somebody else teaches you, right. So we learn that we have to fully conceive. Now what does that mean, right because you hear this all the time at the middle of the road meetings, right You hear, I surrendered. I surrendered, I surrender. I surrenderd. I surrenderedd. Okay, so let me give you a description of surrendering. Do you ever goof around with your buddies or your brothers or sisters and you're slap fighting or whatever or wrestling and they get the better of you, right? And you go, alright, I give, I gave, I Give! Right? And they let you go and you hit them. Well, you surrendered, didn't you? But you immediately started fighting again. Okay? So he's talking about we need to fully conceive, which means that we need to surrender for the last time, never to fight again. Basically meaning that we needs to retire from fighting. Not be like George Foreman. Keep coming back and then making a grill. You know, like... Need to be done. That's it. Done. Over. Finished. Done. And that's the first step. It's the first step of recovery. Okay, so when somebody walks through the door and they want what we have. They've decided they want what we have and they're willing to go to any length to get it. The question out of our mouths needs to be, are you done? And if the answer is anything other than absolutely yes, something to that effect of, okay, well have a cup of coffee, sit down and be quiet. I mean really, because like, why are we going to go, oh well, we're going to beat somebody up so they'll be done by the end of the meeting. Never saw that go on? Oh, you're not done? Sure, sure, sure. Okay, well, when you're done, I'll be here. Because most of you who have spent time talking to me know, I'm going to be here as long as you want to talk, I'll Be Here. Because this is God's gift to me. So then he goes on to say, he mentions it again, he says, the delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed. California, they slam this Let me say that when I read that. Pretty cool. Like Rocky Horror. The delusion. Delusion that we're like other people. Now, delusion for me... I always like funhouse mirrors as a good description of what a delusion is. Right? Because I could walk up to a funhouse mirror and I'm 6'10". Okay? That's a delution. You know what I mean? Like 5'8". I'm 5'10"! Okay, so that's what we do as alcoholics, as active drinkers. I'm like other people lots of people go out and drink 10 beers on St. Patrick's Day getting into a fight everybody gets into a fighting on St.-Patrick's Day no they don't delusions ok we alcoholics we alcoholists are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking we've lost the ability to control or drink all of us felt the times we were regaining control but such intervals usually grief, were inevitably followed by still less control, which in time led to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. Now I don't know about anybody else. I had morals. I did have morals. When I was in my drinking career, I had certain morals. And what the drinking did for me is that it demoralized me. Right? It changed my morals because the drinking was more important. And it was usually pitiful Right? It was pitiful. The things, the crazy things we do when drinking. Why did you climb in the window, Sam? I needed to, you know... It's pretty demoralizing, right? You know, my morals. Breaking and entering wasn't part of my morals, you know. Oh, that's okay. I'll go to church on Sunday and then breaking and entering on Saturday. You know? Like, that is what alcohol did in time. I didn't start that way, but it got me to a point where I don't give a crap. Because it's my death wish. I'm pouring that in me, hoping that I'll die. Hoping that I will die. Telling people, I am not going to be here when I am 23. And man, chasing that as hard as I could. Okay? So, that is pitiful. It is pitifull. Other people go, oh my God, that poor guy. Listen, you know my nickname now. When I was drinking, my nickname was F-ing Tim. Me still being some of you. But that's because every story ended that way. Every story that was... Hey, did you hear about Tim? No, what this time? That's from Tim. Right? That's pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. That's what it is. Okay? He says, We are convinced to a man that alcohols of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness over any considerable period we get. worse, never better. Okay, now let me clarify that a little bit. If we're still drinking, we get worse, never better, okay? That's what that statement's about. It's not oh, we're getting, you know, we quit drinking like, and we're just going to keep getting worse. No. It'S about when we're STILL DRINKING, when we'RE in the illness, okay. That's with that. We are like men who have lost their life. They've never grown new ones. Neither of us appear to be any kind of treatment which make alcoholists of our kind like other men. You know, our kind? The hopeless, real kind? The allergic type that can't safely use it anymore? You know? Not like the people who could go out and have chicken marsala and can have chicken frante and can, oh, it cooks off? No, it doesn't. Know lots of sober chefs that'll tell you no, it doesnt. There's been lots of studies that tell you, no,it doesnt Okay? Those people aren't like me. I can't even have red wine vinegar. That's how sensitive to alcohol I am now. Okay? I can't have... I had wild cherry Pepsi a few years back and my eyes were floating. Like, what the hell is going on here? Well, so I did some research and I found out that one of the artificial flavors was cherry extract. Well, extract is alcohol. Right? I canít have that stuff. Maybe other people can, but I canít. So I donít even... I can only dance with it. You know what I mean? Like, no, I caníd have it. Whatís that have... No. Now, hereís something, right? I have something written in my book. I'm going to read a little bit here, and then I'm going to go to this, and I just love this. It says, we have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances, there was brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree. There is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet. Go science! Now, I have written in my book, Liver Transplant. What's a sneaky trick, right? Now I personally know three men who have had liver transplants who were chronic alcoholists who had cirrhosis of the liver got on the liver donor thing and had gotten new livers. And every one of them, all three of them went back to drinking because they thought the new liver was a reset button. Right? The reason I thought it, I was like, your liver? It's the bad one. Cool thing. Right? Okay, so I've talked about this. The chemical problem is not our liver. That's what caused the chemical problem but the chemical problem is our brain. We have T-H-I-Q in our brain and if you're a real alcoholic of a hopeless variety like me and you're dependent on alcohol you have tetrahydroisoquinoline hanging out in your brain for the rest of your life and all it takes is some alcohol to trigger it and then it'll heat up. You know, kind of like a sea monkey. You know, you drop that water on it and it goes... Right? That thing? Okay, that's what it does chemically. Okay, so these men, these three men with their new liver were just as bad as they were in three months and worse because it was a brain problem. It was a brand chemical. It wasn't their liver. Okay, so really I guess the way to combat alcohol is in the beginning of your brain. I mean chemically, that's it. Okay, science hasn't accomplished it And they may one day yet. Right? That's going to be a big day for us. And I love it. So despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they're in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation. They will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, if or not alcoholic. If anyone is showing inability to control his drinking to do the right about face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people. I know people who did who were in these rooms because they were a certain type of hard drinker. Okay? They got in trouble. You know, they got caught smoking pot and drinking some beer in high school and they were sent away to rehab by their overprotective parents and they learned all of this crap and spent from 16 to 21 draining their life in AA knowing that it wasn't a problem. And they went back to it and they drink like normal people. Okay, so just because you show up in AA doesn't mean you qualify for AA. Doesn't mean we belong here. You're in the right place. Says you. You know, like so here's some of the methods we have tried colon drinking beer only limiting the number of drinks never drinking alone never drinking in the morning drinking only at home never having it in the house never drinking during business hours drinking only in parties switching from scotch to brandy drinking only natural wines agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job taking a trip not taking a trick swearing off forever with or without a solemn oath taking more physical exercise reading inspirational books going to health bars and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitments to asylums, we can increase the list an infinitum. Sounded crazy, didn't it? I love this right here. This is great. See, this right there is proof that Alcoholics Anonymous promotes drinking. We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic. Well, I do. But you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest bar room and try some controlled drinking. Try the drink and stop abruptly. See, we're giving them instructions on how to do it. Try it more than once. It will not take you long for you to decide if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of the jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition. Right? So, we're promoting that because we want people to be done. We don't want a certain type of hard drinker here. We want desperate, real alcoholics of the hopeless variety here. Not people who want to tell us with two days, how to not drink. You know how to NOT drink? Yes, I do. How about you? Oh, oh, oh. Okay? But meanwhile, like in the rest of the world, I say this all the time. You gain some knowledge, you gain experience, and people have respect for you when it comes to those things. Okay, look, if you've been a master mechanic for 25 years, nobody's going to question you about how to fix an engine or tell you you don't know how to fix an engineer, but not here. You're still, for 21 years, you're still a moron. Isn't that amazing? Right? Only in AA. So, so I'll read this last paragraph and then we'll get to the argument. Right? Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers, most of us could have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics, few alcoholists, have enough desire to stop while there is still time. We have heard of a few instances where people who showed definite signs of alcoholism were able to stop for a long period because of an overwhelming desire to do so. Here's one. And then there's a story. So I'm going to stop there. Now, so with that, right? Few No alcoholics have the desire. You know why? Because they're alcoholics. Certain type of hard drinkers can do that. So, you know, there's a lot there. There's a whole lot more to step one. We haven't even scratched the surface on step one, see? Perfect time. Oh, bird. So that's it. Let's start the argument. Nice.