The Phenomenon of Craving – Big Book – Tim – Workshop – Neptune, NJ – Part 5 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

Big Whoop Tim from somewhere in here. Good evening everyone, I'm a recovered alcoholic called Big Whoep Tim. See that's what I like about AA, all that laughter right there, that's some good stuff right there. So yes, I am from Netsu, New Jersey, you know, just in case you think it's down the street. so I'm very excited to be here this week we started a great chapter last week we're going to jump back a little bit in it there is a solution you know and I think that's just a wonderful title for the chapter you know, it's like people come here and welcome 11 days is awesome and people count days and celebrating anniversaries and you know that's so important to me you know and time is a big deal you know like that whole well we only have today you know like thank God we all just don't have today you know what I mean like if I came into a room of people who were just here for one day I'd probably be like oh my god you know because this wouldn't exist for sure this solution wouldn't exist and I know there's plenty of meetings that I go to that there are people who have more than just today. And this solution doesn't exist in that meeting either. You know, so I count myself very fortunate that I'm a part of this type of thing. It's wonderful to see so many people still coming and some new people. You know that's awesome getting the word out there. So we just got done with Bill's story and the importance of the identification process. he talks about in his story how fast he went through the step process most of it was done before he left the hospital you know and for some reason, for better or for worse we have a tendency in AA to slow newcomers down that want to get well because that's what it's about it's not about getting good when I first got sober a big thing, a big phrase that was jumping around was that I'm not a bad person trying to get good, I'm a sick person trying to get wel and that's what this process is about it's about getting well so on the bottom of page 17 it says the tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution we have a way out on which we can absolutely agree and upon which we kan join in brotherly and harmonious action this is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism and like I said last week god I just wish all those statements were still true can you hear me in there? Wow, that's rare. So, you know, the people who wrote this book, Bill in particular is the one who penned it, but it went out to the world and people got opinion back and the people Who Got Sober as the result of the things that are in this book they agreed on this stuff. That's why this book was presented to the World and we'll see that later on in the book. It actually says he decided to write a book. Isn't that exciting? You know, but this, the brotherly and harmonious action, a common solution, a common solution. Because we all have a common problem. Okay? We have a common problem. And believe it or not, it's not alcoholism. Our common problem is selfishness. That's our common problem, and we'll see that later on when I get into some of the later chapters. Alcoholism is kind of a byproduct of that common problem of selfishness So, because it manifests itself in so many different ways You know it's read in the beginning of the forward our way of life is beneficial for anyone, really. And that's because anybody who deals with some sort of addiction or issue that they're going through that's a problem is because it's selfish. That's the common problem. This selfishness that manifests itself in a certain way depending on which avenue it goes to. That's why the 12 steps works in 800 different fellowships. That's what I'm talking about. That's how this solution works like that. So that's pretty cool that that's there. But the brotherly and harmonious action is really important to me because, you know, that sense of family, that when I hear brotherly, that family, that we can joke like we did before the meeting, that razzing that you do. You become close. And I don't know about anybody else, but I never felt like I fit in anywhere. You know what I mean? When I came to AA, and I still didn't feel like I fitted in here. And then I started to realize, wow, I'm just like everybody else. I have the same problem, but I could also identify with how I dealt with that problem and my solution of drinking. That was a solution drinker. It wasn't a problem drinker, it was a Solution Drinker. So then I started to feel that sense of camaraderie, that sense brotherliness, right? And then, so then the harmony, you know, I'm still looking for harmony in AA. I don't know where that is, but, you Know, there's, I understand the concept of harmony, that there's this blend of all these different notes that form this perfect sense of peace. It's kind of what harmony is. You know, anybody who's familiar with music, that's what it is. A particular note is there and when you put other notes to it it's supposed to blend nicely and there's this wonderful harmony. Like Duath is a perfect example of that. You know so this meeting is one of those meetings that is from what I understand is outside of harmony. You know this is the one that hopefully other meetings will start to blend into and start to create from out of here because you have all those other meetings that are saying, oh no, those people you know, we're those people you know what I mean? The people who talk about the book and God and statues. We're those people. We are the people who are the not don't drink and go to meetings people, you know? So I like this harmony It's brought so much more to my life than anything. It would have killed me that other program that doesn't exist I don't know what it is. So continue on 18 it says an illness of this sort and we've come to believe it as an illness involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can right illness twice in one sentence and that was on purpose you know there was discussion of calling it a disease back then Dr. Bob was for it Bill was against it it was another one of those CYA's you know like he didn't want to speak as an authority because he didnít have a medical background to do that so it opened up AA to litigation, those types of things so there's things throughout the book that have that in there and I'll point them out as we go but illness is so important because like I said we're not bad people, we're sick people if a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt but not so with the alcoholic illness three times for with it there goes annihilation of all things worthwhile in life engulfs all those whose lives touch the sufferers It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents. Anyone can increase the list. We hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are or may be affected. There are many. So a few things there, right? This volume, okay? So we're presenting, AA is presenting this to the world of people who don't understand. And for what? for information, right? This is our first piece of public information in this book. And comfort, okay? Which is perfect in the chapter called There is a Solution. Because at the time of the printing of this book you know, think about it there was just about 100 people because there wasn't 100 people when they started writing the book. There was about 75 who had some time in recovery. So they said, well we can do this right? We can write a book and put it out there this is how we see it. By the time it finally was released in April of 39, we had 100. So, 100 people on the entire planet had this solution. Had this gift right in front of us, right? What fortunate, blessed people they were. So now, there was a sense of like, okay my husband's dying of alcoholism my wife is dying of alcoholicism my son, my daughter, anyone can increase the list, right, so all this anxiety was going on with people who are afflicted by people suffering from alcoholism. So we just presented a volume, this is our hope we're presenting a volume to the world to give you some comfort look we have a solution to all that here's some comfort for you right? So why wouldn't we grab hold of this okay, so then it goes on to say highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholics who discuss this situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents, and intimate friends usually find this even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor. Right? That's pretty heavy stuff. Now here's more important stuff. Remember, italics means it's important. But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with the facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. In a few hours. Not a few minutes, a few hours, right? Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished. Okay, so if you're dealing with somebody who's just not hearing you, and it's just, you know, you're properly armed with facts about yourself, and you're laying it out there for them, and they're not getting it, man. And they're jabbing at you, you're like, yeah, I know, but you don't understand. Right? That's right, I don't. You're right, I don' t understand. I have no idea what you're going through. When you're there with a person and he's just not going to, you know, pound nails into the floor with your head. You'll probably have a better shot at that. Okay? But if you spend a few hours with somebody who's dying, right? Dying from alcoholism, and we talk to them about what we went through and what was going on and what alcoholism is and the solution that we have for them, we can generally win their entire confidence in a few hour. they'll be like how do I get that that's been my experience I don't know if it's been anybody else's but when I take the time to spend those hours and God comes and takes over uses me as that vessel, that instrument to speak a language in the heart that makes somebody go oh yeah he knows, oh yeah he did crazy crap too oh he climbed through one or two I see people smiling, they've done the same kind of crap I've done right so you know and I talked about this last week You know, it says ex-problem drinker. It used to say ex-alcoholic. Ex-alcoolic, it said. You know? Another one of those CYA things. That happened later on in the printings. They changed it. Which annoys me because this book isn't for problem drinkers. It's for alcoholics. Right? And we'll get to that. All right. So, now here's the first thing that we see in the book about how to sponsor people. Right here. These next couple of things. It says that the man who was making the approaches had the same difficulty. that he obviously knows what he is talking about that his whole department shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer that he has no attitude of holier than thou nothing whatever except a sincere desire to be helpful that there are no fees to pay no access to grind no people to please no lectures to be endured most of the time these are the conditions we have found most effective after such an approach many take up their beds and walk again so that's pretty cool if you kind of approach it this way you'll probably be successful because that's how they were successful and they're the ones with the solution giving us a book none of us make a sole vocation of this work nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did now here's an important statement we feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning to begin with, right? A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs. Right? Now that's pretty important because we could all be really spiritual for an hour. We could all do like AA gurus and oh my God, oh my gosh, they like levitate. Right? Well ask their spouse how they're doing. You know, ask mom and dad how they're doing. Ask their employer how they'RE doing. Ask people who know them. Watch people, right? I mean, that's one of the things like I'm nowhere near perfect. Nowhere near it, right. But what you see at this table is what you're going to get out there in the world. Because I'm on guard for that stuff. I don't like hypocrisy. So when I listen to people talking about things like you know, the people who I'll give you a perfect example. It's oneof those controversial subjects, you know. People who sit means you say, you better stay away from the newcomer and you better not be dating newcomers. Meanwhile, they're living with somebody who's got like six months. Okay? First of all, there's so much wrong there, I can't even get into that. But for me it becomes like, well, I'm just not... Who do I have to do? That's what it comes down to. So I'm here... This is my experience with this stuff. I don't expect anybody to say, oh, well, you know, people didn't say so. I mean, you can if you want to argue and use my argument, that's fine. But that's all this is. It's my experience with this stuff. And that's been changing over 21 years, right? So, you know... And it says here affairs. Our 12th step says that. Try to practice these principles in all our affairs. So we need to have other affairs in our life. You know, we can't just be sitting in an AA because it says it right there none of us make a sole vocation of this work nor do we think it will be more effective but yet somehow and you know I'm fairly guilty of this myself like because my degrees are in counseling okay so it's kind of like a vocation although I work in theater so kind of the same thing and so so it becomes this thing of like okay because I'm a recovered alcoholic my counseling is much better than people whose aren't. And that's a bunch of crap. Okay? Because it really comes down to when I started doing that, when I got into the field, I was like every other person who was an evangelist and AA evangelist is what I was. AA evangelists because this is what I knew. Right? Then I started to get educated and I realized that there was other modalities of treatment and other ways to approach people that weren't necessarily AA based and they work. Okay? And this book says it too. We have no monopoly on God we have no one way one treatment so I had to step back and realize that when I'm out there doing that kind of work I'm not a member of AA it's not 12 step work it's a job where I'm counseling my 12 step worth is for as Chuck C out in California used to say for fun and for free ok that's 12 step works my counseling is up that's a profession so it's completely different and it's important to differentiate those things for people who want to go out there and save the world all of us spend much of our spare time in this sort of effort which we are going to describe a few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work he's kind of referring to himself because he didn't have anything else going on if we keep on the way we're going there's little doubt that much good will result but the surface of the problem would hardly be stressed. Those of us who live in large cities are overcome by the reflection that close by hundreds is dropping off into oblivion every day. Many could recover if they had the opportunity we have enjoyed. How then shall we present that which has been so freely given to us? Great question, right? And here's their answer. We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. Good. We shall bring to the test our combined experience and knowledge. this should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem so that's pretty heavy duty right there you know, combined experience let's just take 75 of them their combined experience of going through this process and their knowledge because their knowledge wasn't just based on their experience of what it was like what happened and what it's like now their knowledge was based on Dr. Silkworth information and him working with them other psychiatrists Harry Thiebaud was another psychiatrist who was huge in the early movement talking about the breakdown and surrender of the alcoholic in order to recover there was so much going on there were people in the church in religious affiliations that were a big part and influence of this program in government so there was a lot of knowledge that went into how they were presenting this to the world and the reason that they did it it's because they didn't want a watered-down message. They didn't wanna five-step, you know, heavy drinker program of don't drink, go to meetings, get a sponsor, get active and join a home group. They didn'T want that message. They wanted this message. Gotcha. Because what I just said isn't in here. Okay? So that's not, you Know, that's, oh, well, let's try that. See if it works. Oh, it worked for some people. But this worked for them, right? Somebody says, of necessity there will have to be discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. We are aware that these matters are from their very nature controversial. Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. Now I don't believe that statement for one bit. I don' t know any alcoholic that would be pleased about not being controversial. Or argument, right? we shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal most of us sense that real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions and attitudes which make us more useful to others now here's a very key element to this entire process, this next sentence our very lives as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. And again, it used to say ex-alcoholic. Okay? But that statement right there. So my constant thought so if I'm thinking about me, I'm thinking about the wrong person. That's what it says there. Okay? How I may help meet their needs, not mine, because it's not selfish. Okay. And it doesn't say my sobriety. It doesn't say my overcoming alcoholism. Right? It's just my very life. Okay, so everything depends on this. Everything depends on that statement. And it's so innocuous and just kind of dropped in there. Oh, hey, by the way, if you think about other people, I'm going to die. You may have already asked yourself why it is that all of us become so very ill from drinking. Doubtless, you are curious to discover how and why in the face of expert opinion to the contrary Hey, look out, big boom coming. We have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. Wow, recovered. Hmm. That's not possible, is it? If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may be already asking, what do I have to do? Right? We've all asked that question, I'm sure, right? What do I need to do to get rid of it? What do we have to know? And then he says, gives you a wonderful answer, it is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. Not generally. Not, oh, that's nice. Well, you might want to try this. Well, I think maybe you should go to water and retreat. No, specifically. You need to do this. You must do this . . . This is vital. You needto do that. You needtodo this. Oh, you don't want to do that? All right, you're probably going to get drunk and you're likely going to die. Next. Because that's how it's laid out, right? We shall tell you what we have done. Well, that should . . ." Before going into a detailed discussion, it may be well to summarize some points as we see them. Okay, so now they're going to give us their opinion, right? How many times have people said to us, oh, there's my favorite, right, Colin? I can take it or leave it alone. Why can't he? Why don't you just drink like a gentleman or quit? That fellow can't hold his liquor. Why don'T you try beer and wine? Lay off the hard stuff. His willpower must be weak. He could stop if he wanted to. She's such a sweet girl, I should think he'd stop for her sake. The doctor told him that if he ever drank again, it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again. Now, these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours. Okay, so now it's another reference back to the doctor's opinion, right? Because it only occurs in alcoholics. It never occurs in the average temperate drinker. The phenomenon of craving does not occur in people who have that kind of view and that kind of commonplace misunderstanding about alcoholism. Because those people don't have what we have. Right? So they can fall into that category. So I like how he says, the background is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding, right? Ignorance and misunderstanding. So, because people go, I'm good. I don't get it. Just stop. Just, just, just. Why don't you just? Why don' t you just?" Why don''t you just, right?" Okay, now he's going to go on To describe some of it Moderate drinkers have little trouble Giving up liquor entirely If they have a good reason for it They can take it or leave it alone Those are what I call earth people So when you hear me reference earth people I'm talking about them People who go to weddings and parties And stuff like that Have a glass of wine Or they go out to dinner with you And they have glasses And they leave some in the glass You know, then they push you off Especially if you're on a date If you're not on a day I'll have a glass of a Chardonnay and it's $12, right? For a glass of Chardonnet. You better drink all of that. And then they say something like why I'm not an alcoholic I'm like it's got nothing to do with it. $12 you better drink $12 bottles of boons for that you know. Alright so he says then we have a certain type of hard drinker A lot of them in AA. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. I've heard lots of stories like that. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If it's a sufficiently strong reason, ill health, falling in love, change of environment, warning of a doctor, going to lose your job, going to go to jail, nudging of the judge, DUI. Okay? Let's keep increasing that list. Causes in life that bring people in here that when you talk to them and you qualify them as an alcoholic, they don't sound like you. That's these people, right? He says, he becomes operative. This man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention. Well, how about that? How is that possible, you say? How can a hard drinker possibly need detoxification? Well, really simply, if a hard dranker... Let's say somebody gets divorced, right ? Now, for most people, that's a joyous occasion. it was for me and I'm certainly sure for my ex-wife it was but yet that's a traumatic event in people's lives remember when I talked about that that if you look back in your own history and my experience has been certainly from my life and most people that I've talked to you can find that point in your life that some sort of trauma or trauma building up to the point at which you needed that drink and started drinking or using drugs occurred right so now let's say Somebody's been good. Like, I'm sure you've heard these stories. I'm pretty sure. You know, I was fine until I was like 29. Right? And he said, well, what happened at 29? Well, I got divorced. Really? Well, how long were you married? Oh, we were high school sweethearts. We were married at 17. Well, that's pretty traumatic. Okay? Because this person is still on the planet. They didn't die. A divorce is harder than death, right? Or at least they say it is. So now you have all of this going on. So now, somebody who has been so used to a certain way of life has that ripped away from them. Now they're dealing with life with nobody, without that partner that they've been with for 12 years, let's say. And now they find, like, a glass of wine relaxes them after work. And then, oh, two glasses does better, and, you know, three. And then they're up to, like having a bottle of wine every night after work, okay? And now people are worried about them. You know I'm worried about you, you're drinking an awful lot. you might want to do something about that like stop right okay now let's say this goes on right now they graduate from the skinny bottles of wine to the big fat ones you know and now they're going through one of them at night and they're doing it and it's just going and they look like a drunk man because anybody who drinks that much wine whether they're a hard drinker or not or an alcoholic is going to look like an alcoholic so this is going on now they're finding it hard to stop because now they've created a habit chemically in their body because we've talked about that and that's what's been presented to us there's a chemical habit happening that even people who go out on those weekends you know, people the misnomer that everybody drinks in college, right? the 55% of people who drink in college because that's the number that go out and they hit it hard on Thursday night or Friday night and they're drunk and they wake up and they don't like it and the hair of the dog. All my crap, right? They're detoxifying from alcohol. They're going through the same process that every one of us has gone through. They're just doing it that one time and then they're like, you know, they're the type of people that go, oh my God, I can't do that. Right? But we're like oh my god, I can's do that and you know the next night we're done. We're doing that. Okay? So it's there. It's all there. It presents itself. So now let's say that person who's drinking oh they're finding harm they can't do it they can do it and now because they have no coping skills want to go to rehab because what do they teach you in rehab they don't teach you how to stop drinking because you already do that you detox you stop drinking you go to rehab now they teach you how to cope that's what they're teaching you in rehab that's what they're teaching you in treatment coping skills coping mechanisms how to deal with life and then what do they tell you when you leave rehab go to rehab why why are you sending them to us because you don't know what the hell this book says. That's why they're sending it to, you know, oh, well we did our job. $40,000 later, thank you. And so then they come here and now we're talking and we're like, what are you doing here? Well, I went to rehab. I went some medics. Well, that's good. So you spent a lot of money to come here, good. You know what I mean? Like, there's a lot, this is like, this is so squared off for alcoholics. Even though it works for other stuff. but it's so important that we keep it like that because what happens is that you get all these people who are a certain type of hard drinker coming in here and who don't have to do the step process because they are still not beyond human aid which we'll get to in a minute that they can still stop on self-will on human aid their own thing oh, you people are so supportive I love all of you I love my meetings I get my medicine in my meeting right you know my inner child is talking I need to share no ok so that's what they now here ok so now we dealt with that and then they say but what about the real alcohol ok so obviously there's a fake one that I just described pretty well, didn't I? I mean, there's a lot of people in AA that fit that category that I've just described. And most of them usually get pissed when I say it to them because they've been wasting years in AA instead of getting a life. Well, I don't want to be in AA, right? You know, listen, I'm blessed that I am. I'm grateful that I have this. But if I had my choice, I would never have been in AA. you know, because it's still in 2013 and almost the 14th year of the 21st century we're still ducking and hiding from being sick from alcoholism nobody does 5k runs for us maybe if they put wine at the finish line they would, right? free beer! now here's a little more description of the real alcoholic he may start off as a moderate drinker he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker in my book I have written wow you know why? because I realized that I didn't I started off as the moderate drinkers and skipped right over hard drinkers all together I went right to the pro you know what I mean I was a first round draft pick I went pro I was ready to go that's how it went right he said but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of liquor consumption once he starts to drink hey look a qualifier there's that qualifier again right hey do you lose control once you start to drink and you know and you're not the smart ass who's trying to no no just spend a few nights a few nice in what year you know what I mean like okay so here and then he goes on to really give a full description of me for sure here's the fellow who's been puzzling you especially in his lack of control he does absurd incredible tragic things while drinking he is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde he's seldom mildly intoxicated who the hell is mildly intoxicated right you know what I mean like mildly shut up He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world, yet let him drink for a day and he frequently becomes disgustingly, even dangerously antisocial. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement test. None of us, right? He is often perfectly sensible and well-balanced concerning everything except liquor You know, you do realize that these were professional folks who got sober, right? They were like doctors and lawyers and stuff, like educated people. But in that respect, he's incredibly, what's this? Dishonest and selfish. Right? So it's all about me, and I'm lying about it too. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes and has a promising career ahead of him. he uses his gifts to build up a right outlook for his family and himself and pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees he is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around yet early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before I didn't make it all night if he can afford it he may have liquor concealed all over the house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him and throw down the waste pipe as matters grow worse he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. None of us did that, right? We're all just pure alcoholics. Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. Then he begins To appear at hospitals and sanitariums. Okay, and then he says this is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, again true, as opposed to a false one, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly. Now let's look at that for a second. Goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative for which to taper off. Now you've heard me talk about this before. I've said it before. I will continue to say it and I'll probably piss people off but I like pissing people off about this subject. Okay? It's mentioned here. Obviously there's a problem with an alcoholic going to a doctor to get a sedative. Right? Demsodiazepines are sedatives. They're sedatives, yes. It's on tape, so I'll say it's an outside issue. Okay, so I'm breaking tradition to talk about it. Because it's not really outside anymore. It's pretty inside AA. Okay, people take, you know, and they're tricky with it. See, gazellium was the old one that everybody used to get, and that was based on 10 milligrams. Well, now they have things like Xanax. which is based on 0.5 milligrams. So it can't be that bad, right? Because the milligrams are less. Meanwhile, it's like four times as powerful as Valium. Okay, so it's all these games that are being played. I need it for my anxiety. Well, I'd be anxious too if I didn't have my drugs. Right? I was anxious when I quit drinking. I was actually driving up to the Palisades Parkway. I was. Actually, you know what? I had to say some prayers and I was breathing a little heavy and I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to be late. Right? And I'm not going to make it. And I am like, don't these people know I have to go speak at a meeting? You know, and that's what was going on. And I just wish I had a pill. See? Like, it sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? But yet we accept it. We let people get up and celebrate. I have 90 days. You don't have 90 seconds. Sit down and shut up. Okay? That's how they talked when I got sober. But we don't anymore. We have people spouting, Oh, it's so good to see you. We need you more than you need us. Keep coming back. Like, why don't we give out 13 totes while we're at it? You know? Like, this is a life and death situation we're talking about here. You know, like, this isn't... Like, my God. Okay, imagine that. And then people like that start showing up at sanitariums and hospitals. Go figure. maybe it's because their brain is messed up because they're on drugs so off the soapbox why does he behave like this because he's a drunk if hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation why did he taste that one drank why can't he stay on the waterway what has become of the common sense and willpower that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters. Right? Those are very valid questions. And here's the wonderful answer that he gives. Perhaps there will never be a full answer to those questions. Right? Because we don't know. We still don't now. Why? Why do... Because we're insane. Okay, but what does that mean? You know, like, well, we don' t know. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. Oh, there it is in writing. We are not sure why. once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle. Alright? We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink, as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. What? What? That's not possible. I'm different. We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this. And that's another restatement of what Silkworth said. Okay? Any form, gas, liquid, solid. I just went on a rant about the solid form of alcohol. Okay? Gas is the same way. If you're smoking it, it's doing the same thing. If you'RE drinking it, It's doing The Same Thing. Bodily, it kicks off that phenomenon of craving. Right? More, more, more and at the same time our body's rejecting it. No, I don't want more. Yes, I want more No, I don't want you. Okay. Here we go. And if you experience that, it's virtually impossible for you to stop once that starts. Once that starts, once you get into that and you go, like, it's kind of like getting on the cyclone, man. Like, once you Get In and you start going, you ain't getting, you're screaming until it comes back into the station. You know what I mean? All right. Oh, you got to stop it. Well, welcome to alcoholism, right? That's it. That's a very apt description that I heard years ago. And I was just like, oh, that's perfect. You know, and I love roller coasters. Should tell you something about me, right. So then he goes on to say, you know what? These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Here we go. It's inert. you kind of like flip that thing and it becomes that circle that just keeps going therefore the main problem doesn't say the only problem, it says the main problem of the alcohol is centered in his mind rather than his body because what happens? we quit drinking we go through the detoxification process, we have no more alcohol in our system but then we have our insane mind that's yelling at us all the time give me a drink right? we don't want to drink if you ask him why he started on that last bender the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis sometimes his excuses have a certain plausibility but none of them really make sense in the light of the havoc an alcohol an alcoholic's drinking doubt creates they sound like the philosophy of a man who having a headache beats himself on the head with a hammer so that he can't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off or become irritated and refuse to talk. We don't experience that in these rooms, do we? Right? You know, that's pretty stupid. No, it's not. Okay. Like, how many times do you hear this? It follows with the yeah, but yeah, I know, but you don't understand. Why are you doing that? Well, because. Because, like, oh my god. And then you go, okay, this is a sick person, but so much to do, right? hey look at this once in a while you may tell the truth right because that's what we're dealing with when newcomers walk through the door we're talking to liars okay you know I still lie not a lot believe it or not not a lie because I just I don't have the energy you know you know who I lie to I lie the cops and judges that's who I like because they can arbitrarily take away my freedom so they don't deserve my truth but most of the time I do tell him the truth you know why I pulled you over yeah why'd I pull you over ah it should have went this way and I did that way what's the matter with you I screwed up you know whatever you been drinking no how's your license wonderful alright be more careful gift of sobriety right there okay so he says and the truth strange to say is usually that He has no more idea why he took the first drink than you have. And what's cool about that is we know why now, right? We know why. We know Why He Took the Drink. Some drinkers have excuses which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts, they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady, there it is again, this sickness, has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. Oh, look at this. There is an obsession, an obsession which is an overwhelming thought that blocks out every other thought in your mind. An obsession. Nothing else can crowd it out. No matter what you do, no matter how many meetings you go to, no matter How many coffee commitments you have, no matter HOW many people's hands you shake, your brain is still going, GIVE ME A DRINK! Okay? That's what's going on in there. No? Just me? Okay. It says there is an obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count. How true this is, few realize. In a vague way, their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal. But everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will. You know, kind of like those people with breast cancer, right? Come on, you don't really have breast cancer. Just get up and run. Well, that's what they do to us, right. And nobody ever says, what's wrong with you? You have lupus. But they yell at drunks all the time. Okay. The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, I'm one of those fake ones, right? The happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. He has loss control. You know, I say this all the time, right, another four word sentence that has so much power to it. Bill does that throughout the book all the time. It's important. I love that brevity, right. He has lots of control. What else do you want to know? At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, well there's an absolute again, every alcoholic. He passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected. So you mean the only requirement for membership to alcohol synonymous is of absolutely no available? Because that's what most of those middle-of-the-road hard drinkers hide behind, isn't it? You know, the only requirement for members is the desire to stop drinking. Well, you know, it helps if you do. That's one. Okay? And yeah, you can be a member of AA, but when you come to this meeting, shut up! Okay? Because you're killing people. Plain and simple. Those messages are killing people, especially real alcoholists. They may not be killing hard drinkERS. They may not be killING moderate drinkERSs. They may not BE killing the person who got the DUI who was in a bad place at the bad time after that wedding. I'm not killing those people, they're killing people like me. People who need this solution. I need this resolution in order to live. Not to be free of alcoholism, but in order for me to be able to live because without it I have nothing. I have Nothing. Right? More important words here he says. The fact Fact Not feeling Right? Is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. Okay? So that right there sounds to me like the antithesis of think the drink through. Just think the dream through, man. Well, I can't. I'm unable to right now. Okay? Because I have this obsession that's telling me, hey, don't listen to any of those people. Give me a drink. Give me drink. Give me drinks. Give me drinking. Well, all right. Let me think about it for a second. No. Yeah, I think. Yeah, but don't you remember you were in the hospital? Yeah, but only for two days. Don't you remember you went to jail? Ah, he deserved to get punched in the face. Okay? memory. Sufficient force. He's without defense against the first rank. Without defense. Defenseless, man. That's powerful. Right? The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, right? Little consequence. Oh, don't do that. Okay. I'll read this and then I'll tell you exactly what it means by that. Right? If these thought occur, they are hazily and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is the complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove. Okay? We like to do that for fun. Right? We do that, right? Hey dude, check it out! Dude, your hand's smoking. Yeah! Right? We used to do it a couple... Alright. Just me, right. Okay, so the consequences that crowd into my mind they're just brushed off man they're so brushed off for how can I best put this I've known for a long time in my life, not just in recovery in my wife the right thing to do not what my parents told me to do not what the teachers told me to do, not what other people in authority told me but the right things to do inside and any time in my life when I've decided that I'm going to do something that's probably screwed up or is probably going to hurt me or some other person I've always heard this voice go that's not a good idea right? did you hear that in the back? no he said no and I've always said The obsession, the obsessive mind that I used to have used to say, Shut up! Right? And now it's the other way around. There's some hope for you right there. Just give me some hope. It's the Other Way Around. Now when I'm even thinking about doing something wrong, I mean, don't you dare! Oh, okay, I was just thinking about it. No! Sorry. Okay? That's what this does. That's What This Process Does. if I'm true to it, if I've got a sticky lid. Okay? So, you know, it's setting up where we need to go. Okay? They're breaking down our crap. They're bringing down our master plan of life. They're bricking down oh, you think you've got it covered? Oh, you thinks you've gotta feed? Oh, you think you're smarter than us, huh? Well, you know what? And what's cool about it, like I said, they didn't know back then why you said we know now. We know. There's been tons of scientific research which is wonderful that's there. The experience of so many more alcoholics as the result of this and other programs are so abundant that we know why you continue to take that first drink when you're not supposed to. It's not a friggin' mystery anymore, okay? We know, so when we stand in here with our time and we say, you know why we did that? Because of this. And we go, no, you don't know. You don't understand. and then and that's what you know when you sponsor people when you get to sponsor people that's really cool because they tell you their ideas right you know the ideas that we have right and they're going to tell you exactly how it's going to turn out and you say no it's different because it's me right and then you go ahead and you do it and it turns out exactly the way they told you and then they're pissed at you you know oh it turned out confusing and you just laugh you're like yeah or you call somebody over and you're not like hey Leo listen to this check out what he's going to do. Right? We used to do that, right? But that's common. It's common! Common. Common problems. Right? So we need a common solution. So that's what we're trying to get to. So do we have any argument time? Yeah, fine. Cool! Five minutes of argument time. So that'll do it for this week. Thanks. Thanks.