Step One and Unmanageability – Women’s Book Study – Part 5 of 13 – Bob A.

So in step one, in sponsorship, try to remember sponsorship at the same time I'm talking because of the fact that there is such a thing as learning to step application so that you can transmit it, you can talk about it, You can identify it. You can shim it. And this is important because just to take a look with myself, in the beginning I took many, many alcoholics in my car to meetings. This was before I even knew what... I didn't know nothing, period. And I was doing 12-step work. Well, I was in a sense that I took people to meetings and they couldn't go themselves. But the message was never delivered. The message was ever talked about. As we went to these meetings, Myself and all of the rest of them like that. What was talked about mainly was always about the yesterdays and then how great it was today to be sober. And nothing else was in between. There was nothing talked about. It just wasn't talked about and that was a at that time I accepted that I honest to God accepted it because everybody else did too. Nobody said anything different nobody talked different nobody said there's more to have and so this is why for me It's so important for you, whoever you are. I'm so happy and glad, and you don't know, to think that I can be able to talk to women because for years and years I've been trying to find a woman, one woman, just one, that would learn this message and then transmit this message so that she would live it and have it and give it away. And this was the prayer I offered for many years because I met too many women and they didn't have the chance they didn' t have the opportunity they couldn' t go to retreats they couldn't go to where the message is the workshops when I started the workshop women started to come and it's the same message I talk the same to you as I talk to any man or any woman doesn' t make no difference who you are because there' s only one message and the one message is for all of us every one of us because we all were here for the same reason whether you know that or not I don' t know but I'm here for one reason and you're here for the same reason you've got a world you live in you can't live in there's too much harm there's two things there's so many things going on that upset you there's to much of life that's a struggle there's not much happiness there's no much love even unconditional love is not there this is something special to know about because if it's offered to you why not have it why not give that and all that God wants to give you I'll give you everything I got plus what you can find yourself. Can you imagine how much that would mean to you? How far could you really go if you wanted to go that far? I know for me that it's that way. I have days, and I have had days for many, many years that people come into my life. They come into My life because I need them in My life. God presents them and puts them in my life and then as that happens, My life continues and as it continues the spiritual growth the spiritual food the spiritual life grows also because that's the way we go each and every one of us do I know for sure now there's not going to be many thoughts that you're going to have that you are going to entertain and keep them there when they are harmful thoughts when they're judgmental thoughts of somebody else maybe you look at somebody and you pick on them maybe you looks at somebody and you criticize their personal life maybe they said something yesterday and you're still holding it against them today these are real happenings these are thoughts that each and every one of us can produce we have a way here in Alcoa Synonymous step one I believe has to be really looked at and considered because this is the message this is where it starts this is program recovery when it says dash my life's unmanageable I had to learn that my life is unmanangeable when I'm drunk it's also unmanageable when I'm sober but it's also unmanangeable forever drunk or sober makes no difference I can't just say I go to meetings I can say I have a sponsor I can say I know the steps I can say that if I'm not the man I should be through the power of God in this day today who am I how could I be anybody else but me this is what this is the beginning now to me this is the beginning this is the way I start all retreats And the reason why is because step one is never given in consideration. Step one is not talked about. It's not identified. And yet, though, for it to be a sponsor, to be a sponsor just to help someone, you must know step one for what it's there for. You must realize exactly the words that are in here. They're not words. These are principles. Every one of them. Every single one of them. These aren't principles that go in my mind. And in my mind is a vocabulary. I use this vocabulary. I talk from my mind. But you see, I have a power behind me. You guys don't even know this. I know you don't. I don't have a rehearsal. I don' t have a script. I don''t have something I study overnight and then I'm going to tell you about it today. No way. No way, it just wouldn't happen that way. I believe and trust in my Lord. I believe in trusting God that he's going to supply everything I need the moment I'm in. Whether I'm talking to you or whether I'm not talking to him, he's still there. He's still supplying me. But you see, I must live with him. He must be a living God. He must being a God so that I can have now a beginning of a new life. A new life today, this day, regardless of how many days I've had before. I've got a lot of years. They don't count. They count certainly in being happy having good people in my life, nice people in my wife. Many, many things happened to me in the yesteryears and they were beautiful. But today is the day that counts. Because today is the way I need the disease treated. Because if it doesn't get treated today, all of them yesterdays are gone. Every one of them are gone And this is true for every alcoholic. Every alcoholic So when you can carry a message to help your fellow alcoholic now you have a basis now you have a start now you have principles that you live and can transfer every one of us transmit who we are every one of us I don't know if you know it but you transmit exactly who you are the way you talk the way you look what you say how you meet people what you talk about when you're talking with these people the character that you are is the character that you'll be and you can be no other character but this is good news this isn't bad news. This is good news to know that you can have in the day you're in a life that God's given you all the time, presenting to you all the time. Backing you up all the time. Giving you the power to use it. Now it's up to you. So you see in step one when it ends I believe the important thing of ending it is what I just said. My life was unmanageable one time when I was drunk and then it was unmanageable when I was sober. And then it's unmanangeable forever, I had to learn that. So now when I start in a program recovery, I've got a character, I'm building a character. The character is building started in step one. It started in principles. It started in accepting my most devastating weakness and all of its consequences. It means exactly that I'm not, I know what self-honesty is right now. This is why my sponsors taught me, I talked about it last night, that I had to have self-honesty. Self-honestly had to be a requirement. If I don't have self honesty this year, I can lie all the way through this. And this doesn't, this to me, for each and every one of us, I believe the message is the same. It's the same message I know. It' s the same messages my sponsor gave me. It's a same message that's in the book. There's no other books to go to. There are no other places. They only got this one book. So what is it all about? Let's learn about it. Let's learn that step one is what it's there. When I admit I'm powerless over alcohol, dash, my life's unmanageable. I can admit it, accept it. I know exactly that I'll never be able to take another drink of alcohol again as long as I live. That's the principle. That'S the truth. ThatS something that stands right out in step one. When you work with someone now. Make sure, make it emphatic that they cannot ever take another drink again as long as they live. Show them why. Tell them why, show them the principle, show him the step. There's no success by the unaided will, it just can't happen. At least it opens the door up, it makes it so that you're not preaching. You're a teacher but you're not a preacher. So this goes into step two. Step two is, I better Look at the clock here. Maybe you've been going so long. You've only got so many hours. 10 o'clock. Do what? Huh? 24 hours. Oh. In step two. In step two, try to remember now. We're building a character. We'RE building a character by principles, truths. We'RE buildiNG a character that will use the truth or the principles how you want to look at it in the moment you're in, the best you can you give it your best shot whatever that is, if you miss the mark you miss it, that's okay try to do the best you can do, keep trying see what it is you can doing don't give up, don't say it doesn't work, don'y say it's too much trouble, too much work, I can't remember it whatever it is, don''t do things like that, step one started to produce for me self-discipline. Self-disciplein, I didn't know what it was and didn't how to affect how it... Self-Discipline, I don't know, is what we're doing right now. We're sitting at a meeting. We are up here somewhere. We could be spending time someplace else, maybe having more fun or something. But Self- Discipline says, I better stay here. I better learn. I better keep going. Well, Self-Discipline is the same thing I use today for my life Because there is a lot of things I could do instead of what I do. But self-discipline says no, that's not needed, the other is. So this is a way to start looking at this program of recovery. Because it is your life. This isn't something you're doing for somebody else. This is all about you, each and every one of you. And so you see in step two, step two says I came to believe in a power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity. I had great difficulty in the beginning of step 2 only because I thought it said insanity and it doesn't say that, it says sanity it's because I said to myself I'm not nuts, I'm just drunk that's all in step 2 on page 26 the thing that I talked mostly of in step two The reason why is because I had such great problems with myself and I had such a way of thinking and acting that the step didn't have much meaning to me at all because of the fact that I only believed in me and I only went to me and I used me. And this is where I learned about self-talking. I've been talking about this for a lot of years because I self-taught. But nobody back them days would say anything like that. They wouldn't even let me say it without making some comment about it, you know. Because of what it is. Self-talking is all I ever knew how to live in the world I was in. I had a running conversation going with me all the time. My mind would just not stop. It just went all the times. But it had to go all the Time because I was the main man. I was The Source of Supply. I drew everything from me. And to do that, you must keep a conversation going. And as I did that, I didn't know what I was doing. I just didn't known that self-talking is bad. The reason it's bad is because it's coming from self. And self means exactly that. Who I am. I am me. I'm the one that was out in the world, couldn't live in the world drunk. I'm here and sober and still can't live with it. What I brought with me, I brought all of my yesterdays. I brought everything with me. And I'm still trying to use that same thing to regulate or to seize the life as I want to see it. So that when they started to talk here, now I'm in this very same page, and he's talking about the sponsor. And the sponsor is talking about what he has to have. It's an open mind, truly an open mine. Now that there, again, now start to look at this again or keep it alive if you can, is that these are principles. These are principles now what I'm talking about. These are truths. These are truth that must be used. They're not truths to store up in here for intelligence or for later. These aren't things that you're going to remember and then after you remember them, use them. These are a way of life now, right now. An open mind, rightnow, in this room, rightnow. Do you know what an open mind is? can your mind be open right now? It's got to be. If it isn't open, it's closed because self closes it. Self says no. Self is thinking some other thoughts. Self might be in another room or another building or another place, anywhere. This is looking at the disease as a disease. We're learning about the disease of alcoholism. This isn't learning about a bunch of words. This is learning about alcoholism in how it gets treated. What needs to be there instead of what is there? Every one of us have a track record. Every one of us do exactly the same thing. Now is the time that you've got to realize through principles, application, using them, application, using them. Not working them, using them that reference I did the other night about using application. All you gals know what application means I know you do because you apply makeup. You use it. That's application. You put it on. You don't just think about it and then go out the door thinking it's okay. That is the way alcoholism is treated. It's treated by the mind. It is treated by the Mind of Memory, the mind of all your meetings, the mind of whatever you did yesterday. And then you go out today. The application is not going with you. If it's not going with you, you've got nothing but the same thing you've always had. Self. This has to be looked at. It has to keep looking at it, looking at because it's a daily function. This isn't something when you get cured, you can't get cured. There's no way you can get cured . The only way you could get cured is if they could maybe give you a mind transplant. Then it might get cured but there's no way that none of us, but you see the good part about all this is, just right now sounds like a struggle. It sounds like it's work. It sounds like that something you're going to have to remember to do and if you don't do it you're gonna fail. There's nothing like that, not a thing like that. But to learn the principle application you must learn it so that you know it's there to use. Whether you use it right now or not that's not important but what is important though is to realize there is is a way to live. There's a way to live for each of us by principle, by principles of application in the day you're in. So the mind that you have now, this mind is not closed. This is what it says in step two, that I truly must have an open mind. An open mind is a mind where self doesn't occupy it. An opened mind is a mind where itself doesn't live there with preconceived ideas, with memory, with opinions. This is something important to know. Now you might think you know this by smartness, by head knowledge. You might think that. But believe me when the disease is on it will erase everything. As simple as that. As simple als that. I have babies, believe me I have babes I worked with and have for years right today even that are very intelligent men. Very, very intelligent. Well schooled. Well learned. I have one that's a psychiatrist from the state of California. One of the smartest men there is. And he's a baby of mine. That isn't nothing but me. That's about the disease. That's what it does to anybody. It doesn't make no difference who it is. With an open mind, I had to start working on this. Working on it means that I had To stay with it all the time. Everywhere I went. If I look at you, I look at you I look at you I must keep an open mind you know why my mind will slam shut and when it slams shut it's like I was slammed shut with the wrong idea and I mean this now but this is true about any mind it isn't just me it's about the disease of what it is how it will control you what it will tell you the things it will tell you and your mind cannot cannot close if it closes it closes with alcoholism it closes with self It must remain open. But they put something else right behind it. And it says in there, I had to quit the debating society, which compers the chicken and the egg. The two things have to go together. And it's not about a chicken and an egg. It's about a mind that quarrels. It's a bottom mind that falsifies. It's the bottom mind, even though my mind is open, I'm argumentative. I want something different. I want it my way and it's got to be my way or I don't want it this here these are principles now try to see don't read them as words try not to read them as words this also is the vocabulary that I carry with me I walk in the day I walk in I know inside of my head my mind's got to be open the reason it's gotta be open because it's in there because that's the vocabulary that's in here instead of what used to be done there. This is principles. This is a way of life. This is guaranteed for each one of us because the guarantee comes in the next step. But first you must learn principles by application so that they can be there for the reason they're there. Why have a head full of knowledge? Great knowledge, good knowledge. Maybe it's mileage out of the Bible or something like that. Maybe it is knowledge about many, many things. But if it's left up in your head, what good is it? It's not an application. It doesn't guide you. It doesn' t steer you. It doesn''t make you think right. It doesn ''t make yo look right. It doesn.''t make the world you're in any different. You can be loaded. I've had some guys and I got one who's one of the most experts on anything you ever want to know. If you think you know a great deal about everything ask him, he'll tell you more. Yeah, it's the truth. But do you see that kind of knowledge though? It's not the knowledge that's needed that I'm talking about. I'm taking it from God. I'm not talking about a way of life. And as this way of Life is going on, I don't have to get prepared. I don' t have to kick out a bad thought because I got a bad and a good thought. I'll get rid of the bad thought and think with a good one. I don''t have a struggle with my mind. I don ''t walk out in the world that I am in. And then as I walk out there I have to sort things out. I have look at things. I like this, I don'T like that. I want it this way, I DON''T want it that way. That's the way I lived before. That's where my happiness was. If I could make the world that I was in a world that I wanted and it was there, then I was happy. There is no such thing as that. In step two, step two is really important. Step two is where self-talking is ongoing. Step two is we're self-taught all the time. All the time! The reason why is because of what step two's all about. Step two is about living in the world. It's about from the moment you wake up till the moment she goes to bed. It's all about step two. If my mind isn't kept open, if I don't stop this business of wanting to be with my two bits and everything, where I want it and everything else like that, there's no way I can believe in anything but me. How can I believe in nothing but me if I know when he talks to me? That's exactly what I do. I don' t go any place else. I don't believe there's any place else to go and I don' t want to go there anyway so you see step two in application the main principle of, there's many main principles but the main principal is to try to identify something who the hell am I really just exactly, who am I where am I just let me see me for a change where is my troubles where does everything start why does my mind talk the way it talks with such authority it talks with such conviction that everything it says I believe it I follow it I do it and I read people that way I look at people and read you that way all the time this is something important now because of the fact my mind keeps going and when it grows like it goes it gets it gets aberrated it gets disturbed it gets to think in thoughts that it should be one way instead of another way now I'm really unhappy here I got something added to me that wasn't there before and now I got it again this is when I meet people same thing when I met people you know, I judge people on the first meeting I don't even know them and I judge them I already got my opinions already my mind's closed that isn't fair it's not fair to them and it's no fair to me either because of the fact of what happened why can't I have a world I live in where there's good people there's good people everywhere I look I don't see bad people they're not there to see and this is the way it's been for me for a long time I don' t ever want you to change I don''t want you t change I won't remember anything and everything that you ever did whether it was right or wrong but I'll look at today differently though because I'll looked at you from today's eyes and this what this step is all about now so that I can believe that there is something for me instead of me I came to believe and you know the good part about this is where it says to be restored to sanity all that means there is soundness of mind wholeness of mind, wellness of mind it means a mind that isn't full of yesterdays full of anger and hostility it's a mind that isn'T loaded with me all the time this mind that I'm talking about I stand a chance now if my mind stays open if I quit arguing there's going to be a qualification now a qualification coming in step three that I'll be able to do something now I never could do before. I can believe in something and I don't even call it because what it says is it says it's a power. I came to believe in a power greater than me to restore me to sanity. You see, I never looked at me as a power Try looking at yourself right now. Any one of you. Try looking inside of yourself. See if you're a power See if you can recognize it. I had to do it because I am a power. I'm a power that controls my life. I'm the power that gets mad. I'm power that hurts people. I'm of power that remembers things that I don't need to remember and I'll still use these things and I don' t know why I do that but I'll do it and when I do it, I do with such authority that I hurt people. This is probably one of the main reasons why there's so many divorces at least with Alkies anyway because of the fact of what it is it's a mind that really is a power and the moment I found out that I was a power I started associating my life at work driving a car at home anywhere at all I started looking to see where's the power now what's the part where's power doing where'sthe power at at meetings the same thing when I'd be sitting at meetings You know, the power that's in me tells me that the meeting is no good. The speaker is no Good. It isn't just a mind function. It's a power. And I had to learn this word power because you're going to hear more of it. Because you have to hear more of what it is. It's not just a power disease, but it's a mind power disease. And stop and think about that. I used to think the alcoholism. They said it was a disease. I'm an alcoholic. I got the disease of alcoholism, and that's all that was said. I don't even have no idea what alcoholism is. But when you tell me about a power, the self is a power. The self does, thinks, acts, and be everything it does by itself with no influence from nobody. That's hard enough to swallow. I act like a damn fool. The power in me says act like a fool to act like a fool. And I don't even know that. I don' t even know it. I'll blame you. I ll say, You d made me act that way. See? Figure that out. That s a mind-talking mind that in steps here they re giving you principles. They re telling you things here. These things that they re telling are a way of life. They are something to apply just like that makeup. If you apply this step for your life, you will get the same results that I get, that anybody gets because it's always here the same thing. It doesn't change. It's 12 steps. It is in print. It has been in print all these years. There is nobody, anybody, nobody can read it different, say it says different or get different results from it. Impossible! Because it is already there and this is good news to know because of the fact that each one of us have the same chance, each one. If you want a better relationship with God if you want a happier life if you want more of a world that you love go for more give more see what happens because it always returns the same way and this means exactly that that the more kind you are to people the more compassionate understanding patient tolerant these are qualities that will be given right back to you and then you in turn have exactly what you need but you can't have it just by reading it and then storing it. It's an application. It's a way of life. In step two, like I said, the most important part, I believe, is the way it ends even in step two. And the way that ends in step three is step two is right at the top on page 33. It says, She would be to practice in alcoholics who have any idea how irrational they are or see in their irrationality can bear to face it. Some will be willing to turn themselves problem drinkers but cannot endure the suggestion that they are in fact mentally ill. That is a principle. That is something to remember. That's something to consider. That's nothing to look at because they cannot endure the suggestion they are, in fact, mentally ill They are abetted in the blindness of the by the world which does not understand the difference between sane drinking and alcoholism Sanity is defined as soundness of mind yet no alcoholic soberly analyzing his destructive behavior whether the destruction fell on the dining room furniture or on his own moral fiber can claim soundness of mind for himself then when it ends in step two it says therefore step two is a rallying point for all of us whether agnostics atheists or former believers we can stand together on this step through humility and an open mind can lead us to faith and every day meeting is the assurance that God will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves to him so you see the important part that I believe is real important to talk about and I think you can talk forever on it because of what it is it's about a mind that self talks it's a bottom mind that controls your life it's the bottom mind that's hurt in step one in the first page on step one we should have looked at it for what it said and it's on page 21 it says it is truly awful to admit glass in hand we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of providence can remove it from us two things are being talked about glass in hands I've warped my mind I'll also I've got a mind just damaged I won't admit I'm mentally ill now mentally ill I used to I wouldn't accept that I wouldn'T accept it because of who I was I thought I was a big shot I thought I was the service manager and I had control of a lot of people and everything and they're not talking about that kind of insanity but they're talking about the kind of insanity that a mind produces when the mind has got an obsession and it's got an allergy in the mind that I have I use it for my life in all of my affairs I don't I don't use no other power except myself to learn this by principle is what this is about now so that each and every one of us you can sit here and some of this stuff will register maybe some maybe all of it I don' t know but at least it's being presented maybe when you read now maybe you read a little bit different maybe you'll read words that you should use in your vocabulary maybe these words you should store in your mind and then apply them as you need them or as you see fit to do it. Because, you see, we're coming up to that part of it now in step three. But just to say you read step one or step two, just to say you sat here, their words are worthless. They will not. I've sat hundreds and hundreds of meetings, walked away from them meetings. I was the same man before the meeting. I was the sane man after the meeting because of the fact of what I've been talking about. my mind was closed it argued it fought it always said what it says with authority to me it stopped me from having a good life it stopped us it stopped we from going in the world and having a world now that was always there constant consistently happiness was there I had a strength and a power that I could draw from and didn't even know I could drawing I didn't know that I can walk into any room talk to any person and feel inside of myself so good, so secure with myself because of my mind. It wasn't ratty. I was looking at people with a kind heart. I was hearing things. I was listening to things. And these were important. And as I went along in my life like this, the quality of my life got better. That was an inside job. That wasn't an outside job. Didn't have nothing to do with cars, homes, or nothing like that. But it had a great deal to do with me in relationships that I had, whether it was somebody you loved very dearly or maybe a total stranger. It made no difference because of the fact I want to be who I want to be with God. And this is showing me, telling me by principle, by application. This book is, believe me, I've read this I don't know how many thousands of times, but you see, I don' t read it for that reason. I read it because this is the vocabulary. These are the words that are in my mind. This is a way of life. This is spiritual growth. From this, I can go, when we go in the next step, I can get closer. I can have more in the day I'm in because of what Step 3 will bring. But you see, character building, try to remember character building. Step 1, character build. Taking Step 1 in character into Step 2. character building means applying using it, not thinking about it but using it in step two I have now, I have step one and two in character building now we're going to go to three three I'm going to build a character in three three doesn't need two and one but one and one need three because we're building a character see I don't have to drag along something I am that man And I am that person that God says I'll be by principle. If I have an open mind, if I'm not arguing, if I're not with self, I have a chance now. I have the way of life now. Instead of talking to me, I can talk to something that's greater than I am. It's a power. It doesn't even name it. It says a power greater than me. Not a higher power. A power. And I can accept that because I'm learning. I'm learned how to let go of self. I'm learning how to leave my mind open it has to be open it's got to be open and so this here is why character building in Alcoholics Anonymous the step is more than just going to meetings just more talking this that and everything else like that there's a lot going on right now and what's going on right now is a way of life and the way of life is for you like it is for me because it's always the same thing It's never different for you and it's never different for me. Each one of us have to do exactly the same thing. Each one has to apply these for the way of life. This is an application. These are words right out of this book. That's where I get these words from. So now, you see, there is a qualification, I believe. I talk a great deal about the ABCs, step 1, 2, and 3. But the reason I do that is because meetings are short. Meetings, you can only say so much in very little in the short time you're there. But we've got a whole day, but we're going to try to cover it a lot. And step three is where I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to care of God as I understood Him. There's a lot to go for here now. And we can go for it because we'll go as hard as we can, as fast as we can. It's 1030. Do you guys want to stretch or coffee break. Let's hold it there right now. Do you want to shut these up? So we're going to go off on step three now. In the 12 by 12 on page 34, it says, I made a decision and I turned my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him. And the purpose of building a character now, we started building a characteristic in step one and this character building is taking place in the day you're in by principles that you're using as you live your life today. Now this has to be understood. In other words, it's got to be buried burn it in your mind that what we're doing now, we're learning something to use as we live. It's not something you're going to do tonight, tomorrow, or some other time. From this moment on, this moment, meaning now, now is always now. Try to see if you can't use that as a principle, as a truth. It says, I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to God as I understood Him. Now, step two, without step two step three would be totally impossible for me because I had no God. I had nothing but me. But it doesn't make any difference because you'll find that in Alcoi Synonymous 12 Steps and in the book everything is written for any one of us for any kind of whether you have a God or you don't have a god whether you had a god and lost a god whether you're an atheist I was an agnostic I was a true agnóstic An agnostic is either a person that's ignorant or uninformed. And I was both, because I had a great amount to say about everything and I knew nothing of it. And that's exactly the way I live, see? But here, now we're coming in step three. Now don't forget, step three, in all your steps, they become a way of life. They're an application. They are not a reading thing. They're not a listening thing. they have nothing to do with reading or listening as far as what the application is about if the principle is not there then you cannot have it so you have to start out realizing now by yourself you'd never be able to make it you can't and it was explained that in step one it started out in step 1 by the unaided will none of us could do anything period but it goes farther it. In step two, we learn that I have to have an open mind. An open mind now. Try to see if you can't see this now as a principle or a truth that your mind is open now. Right now. Now is now. Not later on. Not tonight, tomorrow. Now. See if your mind isn't open now. If it isn't open now, try to make it stay open and at least don't argue. Don't quarrel. Don's say it should be this or that. Leave it lay there. Whatever it is, leave it lay here. Don't concern yourself with it whatsoever. If you will do that, great things can happen because of what's going to happen. When you make a decision, a decision is either to do something or not to it. But it says I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to care of God as I understood Him. That's something I'm going to do. Now, to do this, I found out myself that I had no God. But I found that I don't need a God in the terms that I thought I needed them. Because the step application by principles is going to furnish me exactly what I need. And what it says in its entirety, it says God as I Understood Him. now understood is not understand understood is there's a power don't forget now we're building a character the character we're building we're living with we're using in the moment we're in and so this means now that God as I understood him I understood there's the power in two a power in two that's greater than me it's a powerful power that can give me sanity soundness and wholeness of mind it's the Power that if I leave my mind open, and if I quit quarreling, arguing, looking at life differently, there's a chance now. And the chance is because of what step three does. My will is my life, is my mind. It's my intelligence. It's everything that's in me in the power form. My life is what I do. My wife is right here, right now. Your lives are right here right now! My will, is It's my mind as it functions. It's a power. I learned about it in the other steps, steps one and two. I learned that there is something here now for me. When I made a decision to turn my will of my life over to the care of God if I understood Him, means exactly that. It means I opened up my heart and my soul. I want the God that they're talking about as it's understood, the power to come into my life. This is what it means in step two and it says to be restored to sanity. I can't restore me to sanity, that's impossible because I have no reference to the insanity of your sanity as far as the way of life. I always do my thing whether I think it's right or wrong. But the principles now that are being introduced, the truth, I came to believe in a power that's greater than me. So this power greater than we happens to be called God in three. It's understood that this God, this power that I can have this in my life but I'm going to have to learn how to have it and this is why I talked in step three about the willingness this is the key that opens the door the key a willingness now willingness is another word for your vocabulary the willingness is in the state of a mind that my mind must be willing all the time these are principles now these aren't things that I'm gonna be willing to just not go in bars or willing not to do this and willing not to do that because of what I'm doing. I'm turning my will and my life over to care of God completely, total. There's nothing left. My God doesn't want my car. He doesn't wants my clothes but he wants a performance and a performance he wants is of me and he's going to teach me how to do this. He's going to teach me what it means to live by principles because the power that's greater than me can teach me the power I am is the power I'll always be and it doesn't change it just don't change but that's each of our track records every one of our track records that's when I meant well and couldn't do well that's what I swore up and down that I'd never say or do this again and I did it again principles now try to remember now as you're reading this now as you read it whether you read it all or just portions of it them aren't just words there isn't a page in this book right here, starting from what we started on, on page 21 to 125. You can't show me any one of these pages where it doesn't tell you what to do. You cannot show me one page. It tells me what I should do and what I shouldn't do. Every one. I don't care what page you turn to. Whatever you read, there are principles. There is something to do with the way of life. This is already in print. You could depend on it. It's constant. It It's always there. It'll never change. It'll fit your life, whatever your life is. This isn't just for a special few. It isn't for one and not the other. This is to treat the disease of alcoholism, a mind-power disease that brought you here, brought me here, brought us all here. And that's why these 12 steps. It's unbelievable to think that that short, that few pages there could go and endlessly go. it started a long time ago with Bill and Dr. Bob and it's still going on today and it is doing exactly the day that it did back then and so to have this though I had to be taught and the way I had to be thought I had do it by trial and error I had go to the sermon on the mount I had a go in this book I had read I had tried I failed but I kept trying because it was always about me I wanted to have exactly what you guys are being offered. You don't have to struggle. You don' t have to trial and error. You don''t have to say I''ve tried this and it don'' t work. I mean this stuff. This is what this here like a retreat like this is about. This is why everyone every retreat I go whether I talk to you or I talk with you or talk to anybody makes no difference who they are. The message never changes. The God is still the God. The principles are still the principles. The way of life is always now. The way of life is today. If the disease isn't treated today, it never gets treated. That's something you must accept that. If you don't think so, try this. Try going in the day you're in. Try and see when all of a sudden something comes at you and you can't handle it. Something you see. Somebody says something and you don' t like it a bit. See what's wrong. See where it's at. What's the trouble? Why does something like that have to happen? This is what I had to learn because of what we're in right now. If I'm going to turn my will and my life over to care of God as I understood Him, that means I'm gonna turn over everything I have. I allowed God to come into my life but I didn't know how to use God. I didn' t know that God is a living God. I didn''t know that the principles that are already established will guarantee me a way of life today for my life today that God wants me to have. I didn ''t know this. I thought that I did this by myself I thought I went out in the day I'm in and I do step 4 and I don't want to do step 7 and 10 over here and stuff like that that stuff doesn't work it never will it never did but what does work though and what does happen is the day am in I'm not with self I'm Not loaded with yesterday I'm NOT loaded with a file cabinet of memories of situations of people events I'm not robbing my life today because something happened yesterday and I'm suffering today from it. And this could be years ago even and I've still got the capacity to think about it and still get hurt about it. This is not right. This isn't so because of the fact of what step three is. Step three says exactly that I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him. It's understood Thank you.