The 12 Steps as a Way of Life – Women’s Book Study – Part 3 of 13 – Bob A.

This anger and hostility that I know, I wasn't using it because I wasn' t talking to me about it. I was associating my life with something other than me. And all it was was no more than asking God, His God, to help me because I'm angry, help me, I'm mad again, I'm doing it again, would you be with me? And so on like that. Well, see, that was something that was then, and yet that's going to be in steps. And I was not in steps then. I had already worked steps, what they call working them. Working them is what I did. There's no such thing as that. But to have a power greater than human power, when it's read on the ABCs that God could and would if he were sought, all through this book here, the first 164 pages, and then through here, page 21 to 125, which is steps aren't. That's what this is. This isn't a book just to look at it and say, I read this, I red that. It is not that at all. This is a direction. This is method. This is the way of life. This is important. These words now, I'm going to talk a lot about the vocabulary. We have in Alcoholics Anonymous the vocabulary Now, the vocabulary that I'm talking about is not the vocabulary you brought here. The vocabulary is the vocabulary that comes out of here. And it has to be recognized like that because these become a function of a mind that I use in the day I'm in. I'm guided and directed. I'm powered by a power greater than me which is the Lord of my life. But also, everything here turns in the principles spiritual in their nature it says this and when it does this is what I go on the word willing maybe you think you know the word willing, I used to think I did I don't even begin to know the Word I usedと think I knew the word surrender I didn't even know the meaning of surrender I thought surrender was you quit, you give up that isn't what it means not in this vocabulary this is important to know about because of the fact this is what I use in a day I'm in wherever I'm at in any walk of life today looking at anybody talking to anybody because you see if I had to go back to the old vocabulary I'm going to have to go back to the disease of the mind because that memory is still there too you can't get rid of it but this here alone now is something that I think is real treasure and I really do because of the fact, can you imagine, at least for me, the way I look at it? There's only 12 steps now. 12 steps. I've been sober now, if December 13th gets here this year, I'll have 43 years if it gets here. But can you image that? Can you imagine there's only twelve steps? How could anyone, me, how could I go this long? how could I possibly go this long in a way of life from print that I read daily I read daily I read all the time and I read the same things I always read you don't find no other books around me as Sylvie this is a way of life, this is for me I'm not telling you to do this now because that would not be right for me to do that it would not but I'm telling you what I do and because I did this I went where I went and I am where I'm at by the grace of God this is what my sponsor was always trying to pound into me and I couldn't get it I couldn' t hear it it just seemed like something that's impossible but it's not because you see you live this life only in the day you're in now that means a great deal this isn't remembering 42 years or whatever 60 years now in this book it doesn't mean that but it does mean something important instead of reading maybe some novel or watching TV all night or whatever else you're doing something like that why not make something so important for your life it'll give you a life you never had before it'll gives you a relationship with others that you never have before either there's no way possible Well, you can have a relationship the type that God says you can have unless you're there. And that's what this is about. One other one? Bob, you said you saw yourself as a taker, taking all the time without caring about others. What does he feel you're the giver, as women often feel? Should we see self-centeredness and selfishness in that? I didn't get the last part of it right. should we see self-centeredness and selfishness in that in what but you said you saw yourself as a taker taking all the time without caring about others what if you feel you're the giver as women often feel should we be self-centredness and selflessness in that well what I said before now alcoholic synonymous is put on this earth by God and he put it on this earth by God for any alcoholic with alcoholism doesn't make no difference who you are whether you happen to be a woman or man or whatever it doesn't make any difference the message I talk about is the same message that I talk about at retreats where men are there it's the same message I'm going to talk to you about there cannot be any difference but the quality of your life is based on the application of the principles because of what it says in here in the foreword in this book right here I just want to read it out of here to show you it's in here because I know what it said it says AA is 12 steps they're a group of principles spiritual in their nature which if practiced as a way of life can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole that means that each one of us the quality of your life the day you're in is going to be based on how you live your life today if you want to be a giver if you know what giving means giving could just be a kind thought giving could mean many, many things it could be maybe helping somebody out financially giving could mean many many things but you see I was a taker I didn't know how to give the only way I knew how to gives is when it had strings attached to it I gave only when I could get something in return giving now is something that each one of us it's an individual personal thing each one of us have to do this by yourself and God. You cannot go around in a day you're in being a phony. I tried it. I tried it, I know exactly what I'm talking about. I can do things in the day I'm in but I'm looking out only for me. There's something in it for me, I'm going to get something. There's a way of life here in Alcoholics Anonymous, it's guaranteed each one of us. To be happy joyous and free doesn't mean happy joyous or free from the bottle, it means happy joyious and free from a mind that's a taker, from a mindset that remembers, from a heart that remembers. From a mind that always looks elsewhere and sees jealousy and envy and hatred and critical condemnation of somebody or something. To have a clean mind, a mind that was there for me to have, I can have it. But I can't have it by myself. And this means the authority for my life today when it's backed up by God I can do things today I can help people today I can be a service today and I don't even need to know what that means because I will perform that way I will be that man today that God says I'll be he'll give me the power and I can doing exactly what I'm supposed to do in the day I'm in what can you suggest to do to have a disciplined contact with God how to also not get discouraged about going to your old therapist this is going to come out tomorrow exactly the question you're asking because it's really important and it's a reason to be here at the retreat too by the way things are going to be said now they're going to being said and the way they're said sometimes it's hard to hear them it's harder to really see them but with the questions and maybe saying it over and over again I know for sure for me, a long time ago I had to hear something maybe 20 times maybe 100 times before I heard it and the only reason why is because my life was not important to me the only reasons why is because I don't know how to listen I don' t know if you know what I mean by that but you can be sitting out there right now and we could have been in here an hour and a half, two hours and your mind might have been here a half an hour. The other half or other hour it's out there somewhere. I didn't know how to stay here. I didn' t know how to listen. I didn''t know how to listen to you when you talked to me. Well, if you talk to me about something that's interesting I'll listen to ya. But if you're just talking the talk you might as well talk to that wall because I'm not hearing a thing you're saying. These are things that are inside of me now. These are things that bother me. These are the things that I don't want there. I want to be a good listener. I want hear every word you say. I try my very best. I really and sincerely, any one of you, anytime, anybody, I try real hard to hear exactly what you say because I'll tell you, I found out a long time ago that people, alcoholics, they yell for help but you've got to listen or you'll never hear them. They say things and what they're saying might sound to you like crap but it's not crap. It's something that's hurting them. There's something they've got to have. They need help but they can't say would you help me? I couldn't say it either in the beginning. I wore a suit of armor. I put out a front. I tried to be a tough guy. I tried being the role I thought I was in the world I was in. I was afraid to tell another man. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I thought it made me less of a man. These were things that were going through my mind that I wouldn't talk to nobody about. But you see, I had to find this way of life. If I didn't find this way of Life, I knew exactly where I was going. And I didn' t want to go there. I lived there too long and I don' t wanna go back there. I' m not afraid of the bottle. Believe me, I loved alcohol. But I' M afraid of The Life though because of what it did. It got severe, it got deadly and I just don't want no part of that. When you say someone is genuine, what do you mean? In Alcoholics Anonymous the program recovery of about 12 steps is building a new character now building a new character is not modifying the old character building the character new starting from scratch and to be genuine i wouldn't know how to be genuine by myself i mean well i have good intentions i can think ahead of time i can plan ahead of time, I can say I'm going to do many, many things to please you or hug your husband or your wife or whatever it is. But when the time comes, it wasn't real. It wasn't genuine. It wasn'T something that stayed there. It WASN'T something I'm gonna do. In fact, I forgot it even. To be genuine is to live in a world you're in and a day you're and be the person you represent so that whoever at wherever I'm at being in this room and being in another room full of different people I'm going to be the same man here as I am over there. I'm gonna be genuine here and I'm not gonna be genuine over there because of what's taken place. This isn't a mind function where it has to flip-flop where I have to run scared have to say certain things for certain people to win their favor to get your approval because I need your approval I don't need your approval I get my approval from my relationship with God if that hurts you then it's unintentional I didn't do it on purpose this is a way of life I guarantee each one of us I'll sign it give it to you in writing how could you miss how could you possibly go wrong only by self Does anybody else have any questions that they, you know, they have a couple more. I just want to make sure I get everything. Do you want to drink some water? No, no, no. You're okay? No, I'll get some coffee. You got anything? Hot coffee? Um, hmm. What place did alcohol take in building the character, building the disease? What does alcohol take in building the character, building the disease? You know, we talked a little bit about that, or maybe we talked a lot about it. I believe that alcohol is exactly what it is because of what it does to the mind. Because it gave the mind that I had anyway. It gave the mine courage. It give it information. It made me the happiest person on two feet and I could owe the whole world and everybody in it. But while I had the booze in me, nothing mattered. I was really a person that was... Everything's cool. What's the matter? Why is everybody mad? Don't all people think and act this way? Which way? A drunken way or a sober way? Well, you know, like I said in the beginning You know, the disease of alcoholism It's a disease of Alcoholism for anyone That has it, anyone There's no degrees of Alcoholism, you can't be just a little bit You can't have Just a little but and be screwed up Only in one area it can't be the reason why is because it's a mind affecting disease the disease of alcoholism if it lied you know in page in page 23 in your book here and what it says these words they're not just words it's talking about how alcohol does and what it does and how bad it gets it says these observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than his body. Well, you see, that's true because of what it is. It's a disease of the mind, not a disease or the body. Because if it was anything like a disease of the body. Just imagine how many hospitals and drying out places could produce people, alcoholics that wouldn't have alcoholism. But everyone's the same. The one I come out of is the same thing. They took the alcohol away from me, but they left the disease in me. And then when I got to AA, I didn't know that. I thought, my God, that's terrible. You have to give up the bottle, and you can't have fun anymore. The disease, you know, I don't know how serious or how far some of you have taken your life before you stopped using it. But I'll tell you this, though. I know that what you have seen in AA, and possibly in your own life like in my life, and I've seen sober alcoholics and drunk alcoholics that I've worked with personally, know personally, been with their family. I know their kids. I watched their kids grow up and they're laying in a casket. They took their own lives and they were not drunk. They were not. And then stop and think about that. You know, that isn't to scare you or anything else like that. But take a look at it the way I look at it. I worked with one man there five years. Now this five years, I speak of nothing but the 12 steps. My life has been dedicated to God and the 12 step. I talk to him the same way I'm talking to you. And he wrote a note and he said in this note, if there is a God in the hereafter, maybe I can find him there. I can't find him here. He took a gun and he blew his brains out. So what really killed him? Did you ever stop and think about that? What really killed him? did that gun kill him? I don't think so. His mind killed him. His mind killed him and it had nothing to do with alcohol. Not a thing. He was living in a world and the world he lived in kept turning on him. It kept giving him hardship. He was having trouble. He Was struggling and what he was struggling with is the same thing we all struggle with. Self. That's the only struggle you'll ever have is self. It's because of what your mind tells you. It's what it does to you in the day you're in, how you can go out in this day today and you can eat somebody up. You can call them names. You couldn't hurt him. And if somebody maybe you loved once, maybe you don't know. But that same thing will kill you just like it killed him. The same thing. His mind killed him so to look at this for what it really is. I believe you should. Because it's a disease of the mind. But it's a power of the mine. It isn't just a disease. It doesn't just lay in there. If it was, man, all of us would have wussum. But it is a power that talks to you. It's a power to guide you. It's power to motivate you. Makes you say things, do things on the day you're in. And you're sober. And you are not drunk. Why not learn about it? Why not recognize it? Why not identify it? The next time you catch yourself on a freeway, and you're starting to get angry, you're trying to get pushed out of shape. Maybe somebody's doing something you don't like. Stop and think about that. You know what you're looking at? You're looking to death. You're look at death and you don' t even know it. Because you can get so angry and so violent, you can hate so bad inside of yourself, anything could happen. Anything. this is the way I look at everything in my life same way I can't afford to get mad I can I can afford to entertain one thought I've had so many Alki's in my life all kinds of Alki and some of these Alki they badmouth me and I know that and I hear about it if you think for one minute I could use that against them no damn way no way at all I don't do it and I won't do it and the reason they don't is not for their sake it's for my sake I have no more questions. How are we doing on time? 10.02. Oh. How long did you go? What? Close enough? Should we close it up? Is everybody ready to close it? Is that enough? Shall we close? It's never enough. Huh? It's Never Enough. Yeah. enough, shall we call it? Huh? It's never enough. Yeah. Well, I want to thank you for tonight and thank you sitting here and listening to this. You know, let me tell you, I know it gets boring. I know it does. And I know that it does take a lot of discipline. It does take discipline even to sit here if you don't know it. That is discipline. But remember though it's discipline for your life because of the fact the disease is always on you'll never get so smart you'll ever get so intelligent that you'll have to worry again about it because it's a living thing and it will stay alive as long as you stay alive so why not treat it the way you treat it is the way I talk about it we treat it now the disease of alcoholism is being treated now right now When you leave this room, I don't know about then. All right, let's see. Do we want to cover anything? Did anybody find the restroom? Yes. Yes. They're right out here to the left. Okay, so anybody that needs to go can go. And that's where they are now. Let's see... So I guess just tomorrow morning we'll go ahead and... We have breakfast at 8 o'clock in the cafeteria which is right I think it's right here I saw people eating it's not food yeah, right so that's from 8 o'clock to 9 o' clock and I think if we can maybe we can get here a few minutes early so everybody can get settled and once we start we'll start fresh so we have all the time that we can right okay, and let's see Does anybody have any questions at all as far as the retreat or anything like that? No? Yes, thank you for asking that. All this stuff right here, there's some flyers, different primetime meetings in the L.A. area. There's some Tebow papers. Those Tebow newspapers, Bob will talk about Dr. Tebow in the retreat. But that's Dr. Pebo, and he is a doctor. He was brought in before Alcoholics Anonymous, right? No, no, no. 1939. 1939, excuse me. And he studied the disease of alcoholism and he covered a bunch of... He worked with two alcoholics is what he did. Anyways, the pamphlets are there of him and then there's The Language of the Heart. They're both off the sale. The Tebow papers are $7. The Language to the Heart is $12. I'm making tapes now and I'm taking pre-orders at the retreat I'm going to collect money if you want me to send them to you right away if you don't have the money now I can take your name down when they're ready I can call you and you can make a decision there however you want to do it but if you do it the way if you pay in advance I'll have them write out to you without even any questions or checks in the mail or any of that kind of stuff. So however you guys want to handle that. There should be six tapes, I think. Usually the retreats run from six to seven tapes, so we'll see how this goes. And they're going to... I think there are going to be 22. If it's six tapes it will be 22, but that will... Yeah, we'll know at the end of the retreat when I see how many tapes there will be. We can take a check as you say. Sure, I'll take a cheque. That's fine. Yeah, that's fine, you know about them pads try to see if you can remember tomorrow and that there's a lot of if any question comes in your mind or anything because it might help somebody else and some of this stuff we'll try to answer it all we'll find a way anyway I found myself in other areas a lot o' these guys the thought came so quick it went so quick they even forgot what it was but somebody else got it down and said and it was important it really was because later on it might pop up again and again and see what you can do with it anyway because it really my way of thinking you see I don't do nothing but this this is all I ever do I just do nothing but most of all you know and my life's important to me but my life is important to me today as I live today because you see all of the happiness, all of the kindness, all of the concerns that everybody, all of you show me, all of you, every one of you is always in the day I'm in and it makes my life fuller. It gives me the life that I always dreamed of that could be possible someday and it someday is now and if it isn't now it's never so see if you can't yourself see what this is about because why not you're going to be here today and tomorrow and then maybe an overview of Sunday morning why not use that see more than just just to be around because this is more this is better than I know for myself with the life I'm talking about money cannot buy it It's the type of thing money can't buy. You can't buy this kind of love and this kind of friendship, this kind of unconditional love that I'm talking about. You just can't buy it. It's not there. And to love your neighbor, whoever your neighbor is, is something that they never could do and never knew how to do and never needed to know why I had to do that, but I do today. And my neighbor is you, whoever you are. I have a question you said something that really helped me out and what you said was you just cannot afford to bring the past of certain things up and think about them today because it's about the disease and alcoholism one thought then all of it floods in so you hear things like the word denial or stuffing it acting out or you know that kind of stuff and i know a lot of this are terms that are around a a okay you hear it um okay how do i want to put it um you just not think about it you just shove it away uh i know this step's treated but No, I know what you're saying. I get a poor step. I know it's the same, yeah. You go back and you dig and you look and you mention steps that you deal with what's going on today. Anyway, whatever you got out of that. Yeah. Now, yeah, now, what you, what you were saying, Jenny, is real true, see, is that I had to learn that the day that I live in is today. Now, you can't just say that and leave it go like that because it doesn't mean nothing. You see, my past, regardless of what it was, your past, regardless of whatever it was is not your problem. Now, in the step application there's a process that you must go through and that's the clear way of the wreckage of the past. But you don't have to keep living and reliving the past. But you must hear and must know about this also, about what I'm talking about. See, like for me right now, there's no way I can judge you today because of you acted a certain way yesterday or yesteryears. I can't. It's not possible. It's just it's not needed for me to do that so I don't do it. But see, this is about what we're going to talk about tomorrow. This is about step application now. This is a lot of principles and things like that. Every one of us, every one of us have a past, whether it was a drunken past or a sober past. Doesn't make no damn difference. What we're talking about, what I'm talking about here, what the program recovery's talking about is talking about a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition today, this day, today. But to get that into a process or a method or a way of life, you can't just will it in you can wish it in you can think it in but there is a way to bring it in and that's what this is going to be about because if you could not if I had to live by my memory if I have to live by my struggles in the past I'd never make it today I'd have to quit somewhere along the line there's been too many things that have been in the past that have been very, very severe. Very harmful. It would stop my relationship with God even today. But it's not like that. It's not liked that at all. We'll get into that tomorrow. Adriana? Well, okay, what was the kind of thought that sometimes you know, I don't think I'm entertaining one another way down the line. Well, that's exactly what I said to her. See, you didn't hear it. Yeah. That's exactly what I did when I said to her, yeah, yeah. So, I'll tell you what I'll do, Adriana. I'll remember what you said and I'll answer that. And I'll answer that tomorrow. Okay? Don't let me forget either. mission to identify yourself with that sign, and then identify yourself or ask God for a release from it? Well, what's your... It's going to happen. It's not going to be 90, but it's going to happen, you know, where I can identify myself. So, um, I mean, just take this into consideration that's written somewhere, so put it up But is there something about looking at that past thought and then identifying with it and not living it as if it's happening right now? Well, in the program recovery, the past will be there. Now, the reason the past is there is because of the way the steps are in the order form they're in from 1 to 12. They're in a logical order form to do what they're supposed to do. if they didn't they wouldn't be a program recovery if you had to live with your past in the presence you'd never make it see none of us would none of this so what you're saying is true up to a point that it is there and there's times that maybe you want to remember some of them or something like that that's possible too but the point of it is is that the program recovery is a program recovery for one reason is because there's two things there. The two things that are there now. There's the 12 steps, which is a method of living and way of life and a power that makes it possible. Call it what you will. God, Lord or whatever you will because the book even allows you to call it what your will. So you put the two together, that's one. Now you have something you never had before. You see if it was just a question of any and all of us studying this stuff I've studied this all these years and I mean I've studied it but studying it doesn't do it so that means that this by itself is worthless God by God alone is worthless to a disease of alcohol is what I'm talking about I'm not saying God is worthless I'm saying that one thing one thing. Churches had less than 1% recovery in alcoholism before AA. 1%, less than 1%. And God is certainly in religion and certainly in churches. And this method, meaning the 12-step by itself cannot, will not treat your alcoholism. Put two of them together though. Put the power which is God put the method which is 12 steps as a way of life now your alcoholism will be treated and this is the way it's going to be but to say that again is worthless until it's shown actually shown the application of why step one is in the first position why does two follow one why does three follow two all the way down the line this has to be for you to figure it out they gave me this book this book came out in 1953 I got the first book in San Fernando Valley I studied it studied it studied it it didn't treat my alcoholism how come see you what I have two things that I want to ask you guys. Is there, do you guys, Saturday night we're having a regular meeting from 8 to 10, you know, a discussion, whatever, we'll structure it, but it's going to be just a meeting? Do you guys, is there anybody that wants to take a cake for annuity's birthday? Yes. Is it really? Yeah. Okay. I have one September 30th and a half. Good. Okay. What we'll do is we'll get a cake and we'll celebrate birthdays for annuities that want to take the cake. You got one. I know. Just ask everybody else though. Okay. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for having me. Thank you too. You're welcome. Thank you all. know. I was asking everybody else though. So what we'll do is tomorrow morning, we'll get the cake. We're going to need to take a seventh tradition to collect for certain things because certain ones of us have had to put up front a lot of money to put this thing together and certain things are not covered. So we'll take a seven tradition for the things that haven't been covered like the cake and I don't remember. I'll to ask Teresa, and we'll talk about it tomorrow morning. Is that all? Do you guys want to close, or do you want to keep going? Yeah, I don't know if this is a question, but I was in a meeting the other day, and I was doing this thing, and I thought about what she said, and there was somebody that was speaking and I saw that person and I thought, anyway, that's not true. And then I went to the society and I came from my dad and we were praying and what happened for me was I just decided to tell God that God, I've been scared blah blah blah and I totally had a feeling for him and I felt he didn't want to wait and it got us to talking about Sometimes my trouble to not have the thought powers the thought. Right, right. And that's the way it's kind of going on in our lives. Right, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm‑hm. Yeah, you know what really happens as you go along in the character building and a step application is that you become God conscious, see, is what happens. And this God consciousness, see is not self-consciousness, you now, so you're not feeding it isn't necessary or needed to feed your ego or to feed your mind with things that bother you there are things that are there it's just it isn t necessary you don't need to do it in other words it's a far cry from where I was once and where I can be is because one time everything was needed you know because everything was wrong but the God consciousness is what I'm talking about Yeah, you know, yeah, you'll hear me say certain things and much like what you're talking about there is that I have what is a living God in my life. Now, this isn't a God... I pray to this God. Believe me, I do in all this. But a living god is the God consciousness or the God that I praise and thank or I acknowledge the day I'm in. I count my blessings just like what your'e talking about there is that i give credit to god all the time i praise and thank him for my life if you thank me i thank god it's your by it's by your works lord not mine and so this is a relationship that goes on in the day i'm in for my wife as i live my life now this goes on all the time doesn't make no difference what it is wherever i'm at whatever's going on I thank my Lord. I praise my God for it, just like what you're talking about. Even a memory or anything like that. See, the relationship that I have, it has to turn into a relationship with a power greater than me. And I had to learn that down in step two. But the relationship starts to become a living relationship. Not a relationship to do at the end of the bed or the end-of-the-day or wherever you do it. you see it's not that type of thing at all there's a big difference a hell of a difference but that's what this teaches you exactly what I'm talking about is because each and every one of us you know you take someone like me anyway, when I came here I had nothing and that's all I ever had and that'S all I EVER wanted and then you take in here so it's this this what it says so practice in these steps we had a spiritual awakening about which finally there was no question looking at those who were only beginning and still doubted themselves the rest of us were able to see the change setting in from great numbers of such experiences we could predict that the doubter who still claimed that he hadn't got the spiritual angle, who still considered his well-loved AA group the higher power, would presently love God and call him by name. That's exactly what happened. Exactly. I love God and I call him my name. So shall we close with the Lord's Prayer? Can I just say one more thing? You know, the air conditioning, it's hot in here. I'm feeling hot in here. I know some people probably aren't hot. We're going to keep the air conditioning cool in here, we're going keep it cool. Anybody that feels cold, bring something warm because I know, like with Bob I know Bob in particular, I don't know about you guys but I want to keep the room cool so just bring something warm okay? Okay our father our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever Amen Keep coming back It works It works Right on