Applying a Specific Test for the Agnostic Mind – Ray M.

About This Speaker Tape

January 1, 1996. Ray M. decided to try this "silver thing" for one year, wondering if he would even make it twenty-four hours. He grew up with the alcoholic gene and a sense of being separate, a geek who once found a thumbtack on the wall hilarious if he had the right chemicals in his system. He didn't steal cop cars or live in bushes; he just drank until he couldn't sleep without it.

Ray describes himself as a "wussie" and a "selfish bastard" who initially tried to negotiate with his Higher Power, asking the universe to keep his arrogance and laziness if it wasn't useful to remove them. He navigated an agnostic mind by simply hitting his knees and admitting he didn't know if anyone was listening. He warns against "half measures," citing the "Springer Principle"—if a behavior would be discussed on a Jerry Springer show, he stays away from it. After a recent relapse that nearly ended in a shotgun in his mouth, he returns to the grit of the Tenth Step to survive.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Ray M. establishes his sobriety date: January 1, 1996.
• 2:15 Family history: The trajectory of his father from a dirt floor to a private jet.
• 6:10 Laughter: The 'world's funniest thumbtacks' in the garage.
• 11:30 The 'Margarita test': An old-timer explains the difference between a social drinker and an alcoholic.
• 15:20 Step 1, 2, and 3: Ray describes the rapid-fire pace of his early sponsorship.
• 18:45 Step 5: Ray's frustration that he wasn't a 'good' alcoholic and had no 'good shit' to confess.
• 24:10 Step 10: Discussion of the daily inventory and the 'Springer Principle'.
• 28:30 A moment of crisis: Ray admits to recent suicidal ideation and the danger of neglecting the 10th step.
• 32:15 Step 12: Ray distinguishes between 'cleaning ashtrays' and actual 12th step work.