The Chapter 3 Experiments That Didn’t Work – Penny P.

About This Speaker Tape

October 9, 1977, in Honolulu. Penny P. walked into her first meeting with hair matted to her face from puke and a history of drinking "Rainbow Ripple"—a homemade cocktail of every flavor in the tub. She describes a life of blackout drinking and "pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization," from being thrown through a living room window by her first husband to drinking warm beer with cigarette butts in it.

For years, she played a dangerous game with the Big Book, conducting "experiments" that didn't work. She tried the "easier, softer way," attempting a Fourth Step with a sponsor in a coma and a Fifth Step with a stranger who likely hadn't done one himself. She admits to an ego the size of Texas and a penchant for secrets and lies that nearly led her to a rock wall on Diamond Head Road. Penny warns that some get their sobriety date on a birthday cake, and others on a tombstone, attributing her survival to a Higher Power and a sponsorship family that finally stood up for her.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Penny P. opens with her sobriety date and the distinction between the Steps and the Traditions.
• 5:15 Recounts her childhood in Michigan and her early desire to be the center of attention.
• 10:30 The 'Rainbow Ripple' story and the desperation of drinking in Skid Row bars.
• 16:45 Describes the 'pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization' and her first marriage ending in violence.
• 22:10 The rock bottom moment in Hawaii and the decision to call Alcoholics Anonymous.
• 28:00 Laughter: The story of her first meeting and her suspicion that AA was a cult with tambourines.
• 35:20 The 'Sponsor DuJour' period and the danger of keeping secrets and lies.
• 42:15 Step 4: The 'grudge list' and the realization that the Fourth Step is about her, not others.
• 48:50 The crisis at 20 years sober and the role of Peg M. as a sponsor.
• 55:10 Discussion on the importance of sponsorship and the 'Family Afterword' in the Big Book.