Staying Sober on Fear and Fellowship – Kimberly A.

About This Speaker Tape

South Philadelphia, 1994. Kimberly A. is shaking, rattling, and rolling in a one-story building, her nerves writhing in a detox she didn't know she needed. She spent her childhood as a "people pleaser," a girl with no self-esteem who lied about loving necklaces just to feel a flicker of worth. She describes herself as a "bottom feeder," a woman who used alcohol as a solution to a spiritual malady, eventually becoming a bartender who took the "walk of shame" home every morning at 8:00 AM.

She recounts the wreckage of her life—the "rapacious creditor" of alcohol that took tenfold everything it gave. After a devastating rejection from a musician left her in a fetal position on a condo floor, a voice told her to call her sister. She ripped that condo to shreds searching for spare change, scraping together exactly $12.10 for a bus ticket. After five years of "white knuckling" it on fear and fellowship, she finally moved from hopelessness to the practical action of a Higher Power.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Kimberly A. opens with her gratitude and a nervous apology for a 'fit' in the parking lot.
• 3:15 Laughter: The 'Jenny Craig' vs 'Weight Watchers' analogy for white-knuckling sobriety.
• 7:40 Description of childhood fear and the 'manipulative' habit of complimenting strangers' necklaces to feel valued.
• 12:10 Sneaking into her parents' bar as a child to steal quarters for the cigarette machine.
• 18:50 The 'walk of shame' home at 8 AM after working as a bartender and selling illicit materials.
• 24:15 The breaking point: passing out in a fetal position on a condo floor in Ocean City.
• 28:30 The divine intervention: a voice telling her to call her sister Dawn.
• 33:10 Walking into her first AA meeting at 1605 East Moymensing Avenue to find her father.
• 38:45 Mentions of 12 Steps: The influence of her first sponsor, Teresa D., and the 'hula hoop' metaphor.
• 43:20 Discussion of Step 3 and the 'remarkable things' that follow.
• 48:10 Step 9: A detailed account of making a final amend to a dying man at Jefferson Hospital.
• 52:00 Closing thoughts on the power of example and living in Steps 10, 11, and 12.