Surrendering the Internal Condition That Alcohol Could Not Fix – Pat R.
About This Speaker Tape
Fort Lauderdale, three weeks in a hotel room. The liquor had finally stopped working. Pat R. describes a point where alcohol no longer provided the absolution needed to violate his own principles; he was simply drinking to pass out and waking up to drink again. He recalls a childhood defined by a violent drunk father and a lifelong "internal condition" of torment and fear—the kind of anxiety that made him a loner and a "last pick" kid.
For twenty years, booze was the magic that transformed him from a scared child into the life of the party, but the wreckage grew: wrecked cars, felony charges, and a marriage destroyed by an absentee father and husband. After a violent outburst left his wife on the kitchen floor, Pat hit the rooms. He speaks of the "genetic bullet" and the psychic change required to move past the "restless, irritable, and discontent" state. By putting pen to paper in his fourth step, he stopped seeing himself as the victim and owned his role as the perpetrator, surre...
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