Tearing Everything Down During Step 5 – Dick M.

About This Speaker Tape

Washington, D.C., 1965. A man sits on the edge of a single mattress in a sewing room, the air thick with the stench of old urine and a life spent tearing everything down. Dick M. lived as a professional sneak and a thief, a "fair-haired young man" who abused expense accounts and made passes at the chairman's wife. He describes the alcoholic loneliness—a gut-level void that psychiatrists and inkblot tests couldn't touch. He had spent thousands on therapy only to walk out the door and drink to numb the pain of his own existence.

The turning point came not from a doctor, but from a moment of clarity when a former flame asked him to marry her. He realized he couldn't be a husband, father, or human being in that state. He entered AA with a cynical eye, expecting a room of derelicts and "blue-tent" ladies. Instead, he found a Higher Power and a sponsor who told him he wasn't ready for recovery until he ran out of money.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Dick M. discusses the importance of the 12 Traditions and the danger of mocking them in front of newcomers.
• 4:12 A story about teenage insecurity, terminal acne, and the first beer that made him feel 'sophisticated'.
• 10:20 The fallout of his career in broadcasting and the loss of his 'Young Man of the Year' nomination.
• 15:45 Laughter: The story of urinating on a lady's roses and the subsequent arrest.
• 21:10 The 'Salvation Army' appearance of the AA central office and his initial arrogance in feeling 'above' the program.
• 28:30 The hotel room bender in Chesapeake Bay and the feeling of 'alcoholic loneliness'.
• timecode The proposal from Joe W. and the decision to enter AA.
• 32:15 Description of the 'classic 12-step call' and his first meeting in Silver Spring.
• 38:40 Discussion of the 'vomit line' and the definition of a 'winner' in AA as someone who stays active.
• 42:10 The transition from his first sponsor, Buck, to his second sponsor, Clancy.
• 46:50 His struggle with the concept of a Higher Power and his eventual realization of the 'living presence' in the fellowship.
• 51:00 Closing remarks on the fellowship in Flagstaff and a joke about Jeff's 15 years of sobriety.