The Illusion of the Functioning Alcoholic – Sandy B.

About This Speaker Tape

East Coast Convention - 1997

Sandy B. traces his path from a Marine Corps fighter pilot to a locked psychiatric ward mapping out the wreckage of a life lived in a state of chemical adulthood. He describes the terrifying physical collapse of his body—grand mal seizures and DTs—and the brutal unilateral sponsorship of Bill B. who essentially bullied him into sobriety. Sandy B. dismantles the illusion of the 'functioning' alcoholic recalling how he hid vodka in a hundred empty Coke bottles on his porch to mimic rainwater. He argues that the real problem wasn't the alcohol but the pain of being sober and frames recovery as an endless chain of changing one's mind and discarding the 'ballast' of old stupid ideas to avoid the only other option: dying.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Sandy B. returns to the Manassas group, recalling his first meeting in 1964.
• 4:15 Laughter: The failed attempt to lie to his sponsor about family birthdays.
• 7:30 The 'rainwater' vodka stash and the fear of his sponsor, Bill B.
• 12:10 The '14 promises of vodka' and the chemical solution to social anxiety.
• 17:45 Discussion on the 'sobriety problem' and the allergy to alcohol.
• 22:10 The 'died drunk' phone call from a former Marine squadron mate.
• 26:30 The 'childhood fear of flying' diagnosis and the loss of his wings.
• 31:00 The nut ward experience: straitjackets and cigarette deals.
• 36:20 The realization that problems in AA are removed rather than figured out.
• 41:15 The 'Queen Mary' metaphor for changing one's mind.
• 45:00 Step 2 and the gamble: 'Would you rather be wrong or dead?'