Beth D. – Service – White Knuckling the Fourth Step – 2009

About This Speaker Tape

Beth traces her path from a chaotic childhood in a tiny North C. town to a life of stability and homeownership. She describes the 'spiritual experience' of her first drinks in England, where alcohol silenced the noise in her head like 'Bose earphones without the sound.' After a period of white-knuckling and a suicide attempt that left her parents with a mysterious ambulance bill, Beth finally committed to the work.

She dismantles the ego of the 'smart kid' who thought she could out-think the disease, eventually finding a Higher Power in the fellowship itself and the memory of her sponsor's cat. Now navigating a chronic illness, she finds solace in the idea that while she can't grow new legs, her Higher Power can get her a scooter.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Beth opens with gratitude for her home group and mentions buying her first house.
• 3:45 Childhood in North Carolina and the dynamic of a 'happy drunk' father and a 'crazy' mother.
• 7:15 The first drink in England and the 'Bose earphones' metaphor for the relief alcohol provided.
• 12:30 The 'food poisoning' excuses and the chaos of her first day of student teaching.
• 16:40 First AA meeting and the encounter with the professor who caught her in her lies.
• 21:10 The danger of 'white-knuckling' and the suicide attempt.
• 26:50 The 'Higher Power thing' and the joke about praying to her sponsor's cat.
• 31:20 Finding love in the rooms and the experience of her AA-centric bachelorette party.
• 35:40 Dealing with rheumatoid arthritis and the 'Higher Power will get you a scooter' realization.
• 38:15 Closing thoughts on the 'bondage of hatred' and the final quote from Freedom from Bondage.